Ego Death and Confidence II

Whooo!  The Goddess is still working me over to Clear my Resistance to my PIAVA of the other day to let Her take over that major segment of my Live.  Earlier today I found myself dealing with not just Big-Time Self-Doubt (appropriate for the imminent 2 May 2020 4:20 pm PDT Station of Chariklo [±Self-Confidence]), but with heavy-duty early-Childhood chronic Abandonment Trauma.  Haven’t worked with that so Strikingly in a long while!  We never really finish our Karma, we just get more efficient at being Present with it.

I was in a Zoom meeting today that signed off with a “Inspirational” quote: “No matter how much you push the envelope, it’s still stationery.”  Too True, so given the length of my todo list, let’s dive right into our Dance with our Self-Doubt (Chariklo Station).  Of course it’s also about Self-Confidence, but who’s gonna complain about having too much Self-Confidence?  Well, okay, maybe Evel Knievel, if he ever complained, so it might be a good idea to Hedge our Risks this weekend.

Saturday’s chart features Great Grace directed toward our Health (Cuspal Earth-Air Kite pointing to dwarf planet Varuna [the Life Force] on the Cusp of Leo [Presence]), and Great Grace directed toward Liberation of our Unique Genius (Cuspal Air-Water Kite pointing to dwarf planet Ixion [our Forbidden Genius] and the South Node [our Karma] on the Cusp of Capricorn [Just Fix It, K?]).

That’s a Powerful combination, as it Integrates all four Elements – Spirit, Emotion, Matter, and Mentality (Fire, Water, Earth, Air).  The Health issue is paramount these days, and perhaps even more so the Genius issue, as we’re all going to need that, first to Survive as the World Turns Over, and second to Manifest Collaboration with all of the many Others we’ll be dealing with in the post-Granolavirus World.

However, while Great Grace Abides, we’ll also be Compelled to Pay Close Attention to our Health and our Unique Skills (both Varuna and Ixion-South Node are at the business end of the Goddess’s Index Finger, ie, Yods [Pay Attention!]).  As we’ll Learn later, the overriding Energy here is about Growth in Consciousness (A Parasol, or Quintile and Tridecile Yods [Intense Learning Experience] focused on asteroid Juno [Expansion of Consciousness]).

The Universe will Handle those Energies for us (Grand Trines [Dumb-Luck Grace]), but we also have our Work cut out for us, as Lighting Up our Doubt-Confidence weekend (Chariklo Station) comes with two Major Challenges (T-Squares).  We’ll have to Renegotiate all of our Relationships (T-Square pointing to dwarf planet Haumea [Rebirth] in Libra [Relationship to Other]), and we’ll have to be mindful that we Lovingly Embrace our Transformations (T-Square pointing to asteroid Sappho [Self-Love] in Virgo [Ego Death]).  The Challenges are not Self-Resolving, so we’ll be Working.

There are two other arenas where we need to be very Attentive (foci of Goddess Fingers or Yods), and which Information we’ll need to Weave together the Graces and the Challenges.  The first is Sustainability (dwarf planet Ceres), which is key to using the Grace around our Health (Varuna Kite) to mediate our Self-Love Challenge (Sappho T-Square).  The second is Letting Go of Limitations and Unexamined Judgments that are based on Hidden Fear (dwarf planet Sedna [Converting Fear to Power] Merged with [Conjunct] our Conditioned Reactions [asteroid Karma] and our Ability and Willingness to Consciously End Self-Sabotaging Habits [asteroid Atropos]).

Methinks the Bottom Line of all this Doubt-Confidence (Chariklo Station chart) Complexity is that we may be able to Let Go of Subtle Resistance to Believing in our Heart that what we Intend will actually Manifest.  An Intentional Placebo Effect so to speak.  As we’ve mentioned before, we often combine Theta Healing and Tapping Iteratively to Strive for Manifesting Deep Belief or Confidence of this sort.  The PIAVA process, when done fully, can also make progress toward the same result.  This Deep Belief is the difference between Creating What We Want and Not.

The last Big Issue in the 2 May Doubt-Confidence astroevent is the placement of the symbol for Confidence itself (Chariklo).  It is Merged with the symbols for Expansion (Jupiter), Boundaries (Pallas), and Priorities (Saturn).  That’s a whole lot.  On the one (Ultimate) hand it says that The Most Important Thing is that we Expand our Confidence in our Vulnerability.  Vulnerability is the Perfected form of Boundaries.  Till we get there though, The Most Important Thing is that we Expand our Boundaries to Provide Confidence in our Personal Safety.  Especially if we’re Remembering to Hedge our Risks.

Safety is much Inferior to Vulnerability, but Safety insures that we don’t Overreach for Ascension.  Overreaching can cause the Ego to Overreact, which can create New Limitations that may take us years or Lifetimes to Transcend.  So a Compromise may be the most Practical path, something like The Most Important Thing is that we Learn to Expand our Vulnerability to the point where we have Complete Confidence in our Boundaries.  If we Learn this rather than just Doing it, better yet if we Learn by Doing, then we can continue to Stretch our Vulnerability, which will move us toward 5D.

Here’s the main Chariklo Station chart…

And here’s the Overarching Quintile-Tridecile Yods Parasol chart…

It looks like something Elon might build to Rocket us directly into Expansion of Consciousness (asteroid Juno [Growth in Consciousness] at the focus)!  The base of the central Rocket (Quintile Yod) is the Connection between our Essence (the Sun) and Sustainability (dwarf planet Ceres).  The base of the Stabilizing Wings (Tridecile Yod) is the Link between our Values (Venus) and our Willingness to Surrender into a Whole New Trance (Jupiter-Pluto).  Our Plutonic Trance is the Fundamental Unconscious Belief System with which we approach – and Manifest – our Reality.  What we See – and Feel – is What we Believe.  The Fuel that Powers the Rocket is our Belief that the Integrity of Self-Sovereignty (Lilith) Creates Miracles by Removing all need for Victim Postures (Chiron).

The third Chariklo-Station chart is a Mjölnir or Trioctile Yod [Epiphany] to the Jupiter-Chariklo-Pallas-Saturn Stellum…

The Trioctile combines the Eighth Harmonic [Rebalancing] with the Third [Love with Wisdom].  We interpret this Configuration (the Trioctile Yod) as productive of Epiphany because Rebalancing ourself into Love and Wisdom is Ecstatically Life-Changing.  Traditional astrology refers to it as “Thor’s Hammer,” emphasizing Destruction.  We use the Norwegian spelling, Mjölnir, to emphasize its ancient connection to Lightning, EnLightenment, Penetrating all Resistance.  The root of the Nordic Mjölnir is the Vedic Vajra, a Magic Wand that combines the indestructibility of Diamond with the irrestibility of a Thunderbolt, symbolizing Firmness of Spirit and Spiritual Power.

In other words, The Most Important Thing is that we Learn to Expand our Vulnerability to the point where we have Complete Confidence in our Boundaries.  If we Learn this rather than just Doing it, better yet if we Learn by Doing, then we can continue to Stretch our Vulnerability, moving us toward 5D.

I’m not sure we’ve ever talked about Cusps, which Dominate here.  Cusps are like the Changing lines in the I-Ching, Opportunities for New Adventures.  Not to mention all of the New Cycles Beginning (Jupiter-Chariklo, Pallas-Chariklo, Saturn-Chariklo, Pallas-Jupiter, Pallas-Saturn, Karma-Sedna, Atropos-Sedna, Karma-Atropos, South Node-Ixion)!

Orcus II

Let’s look at the web of interactions between Oaths (Vows, Promises, Decisions) and Karma (Habits, Patterns) from a different angle.  In Tarot, the twelfth card in the Major Arcana is the Hanged Man.  This dude is Hanging neither from his neck nor fingernails, but Hanging from his heels…

The plan being that his or her Perspective will Change.  The Hanged Man card is referred to as the “Pattern-Breaker.”  There is no Tarot card for Pattern-Making or Punishment-for-Breaking-an-Oath.  While we might swear Oaths to ourself to try to Control our own Addictions, most of the Oaths that Orcus (Greek Horkos) Punished were Oaths of Allegiance to Others – Abdications of our Self-Sovereignty – around politics, war, economics, and servitude.  The Romans and Greeks were Hyperpatriarchal Cultures, and Vows of Marital Fidelity were not part of the Oath equation…

“A real man dominated in the bedroom as he did on the battlefield.  He would have sex with his slaves whether they were male or female; he would visit prostitutes; he would have homosexual encounters even while married; he would engage in pederasty; even rape was generally acceptable as long as he only raped people of a lower status.” —https://www.challies.com/articles/3-awful-features-of-roman-sexual-morality/

If you haven’t noticed the Persistence of this propensity in current Western Culture, you’re probably in Denial.  Orcus’s mother, by the way, was Eris, symbol of Revelation of What’s Been Denied.  You’ve probably noticed that Tolkien’s Orcs were spawned by Orcus’s visage as a Punishing – Devouring even – Monster…

The Socio-Sexual connotations reflect the Greek-Roman program of demeaning the Matriarchy – Betray your Oath as a Man [to Obey your Male superiors and Use or Ab-use Females] and you’ll be sucked back into the Toothed Womb, in the Patriarchy an Emasculating Fate worse than Death [loss of everyone’s Respect, the equivalent of Banishment]!

But, back to the astrology…

The astrological Twelfth Harmonic is the “Unx,” the Angle which Separates two planets that are one Sign apart.  In the current Ixion-Pholus-Quaoar Station chart (https://astrobuss.wordpress.com/2020/03/27/tumultuous-week-1/), eight of the twelve possible Unxes are present.  The implication is that we have a better-than-usual Opportunity to Let Go of Karmic Habits around each of these eight planetary Relationships.  We should be able to, for instance…

• Step into a New Personality wherein we have Dropped any Manifesting Habits that were not Self-Loving (Haumea Unx Sappho-Makemake).

• Step into a New Personality wherein we have Dropped any Health Practices that did not further our EnLightenment (Lachesis-Varuna Unx Klotho-North Node).

Remember that Karma is Dead.  When a situation arises where you’re Invited to Indulge a Self- or Health-Deprecating Habit, it will Feel perfectly Natural to Step right Into it.  Just like Developing a physical muscle, it’s Repetition that Reinforces Habituation.  Every time we go ahead and Step Into a Karmic Pattern, we Strengthen it.  Karma is actually a Choice, once we’re Conscious of it.  Each time we Choose to Step Into a Health-Promoting or Self-Loving alternative, we weaken the Karmic Habit and Strengthen our Physical and Moral (ie, Self-Love vs. Self-Abuse) Health.

Let’s take another example.  It’s fairly widely Believed that 5G at least exacerbates our Experience of the Coronavirus, if not contributes directly to it.  If we follow this line of thought, perhaps Nature is training, or as Darwin would put it “naturally selecting,” our Electromagnetically delicately-tuned Bodies for a Future with far greater Electromagnetic Radiation.  If you’ve ever stood in a Lightning Storm, you know that few Energies are more Electrifying than those symbolized by Uranus.  Uranus is in Taurus – Soul Descending into Flesh.  And what could be more Electric than Soul – Invisible, Energizing, Dangerous (to the Ego), “Bottled Lightning.”

In the current chart, Uranus is joined by asteroid Eurydike, which symbolizes Trust (Initiation Exact at 11:53 am 30 March in 6 Taurus, “A cantilever bridge across a deep gorge: Overcoming separatism through group cooperation,” with Ixion Stationary!), Initiating a four-year Cycle wherein Collaboration is emphasized.  Several friends, while Empathizing strongly with the Physical, Emotional, and Financial Suffering, have been Embarrassed to admit that they find current events to be Compelling and Exciting – they are indeed, without Realizing it, Trusting that Flesh will be Quickened or Electrified by Soul as we work through the seven years of Uranus in Taurus.

Another Energy in the current chart is the Revision of our Values (Venus) brought about by shifts in our Unconscious Beliefs and Limitations (asteroid Vesta) through Converting Fear to Power (dwarf planet Sedna).  We’re certainly being given plenty of Opportunities for the latter.  Remember your Kegels and Tapping – the sooner you Notice Fear in your Emotions or your Thinking, and Convert it to Power, the more you Weaken your Fear Karma and Strengthen your Power to Manifest the Future you Want to Live in.

These two Energies…

• Trusting that Flesh is being Quickened by Soul, and
• Revision of our Values through Converting Fear to Power

…are one Sign apart, an Unx Angle, promising that we can more Easily Let Go of any negative Karmic Patterns in how the two Energies Relate.  For example, a very common Ego-Value is to Contract, or Circle the Wagons, in the Presence of Fear.  Another common Ego-Value is to React with Fear to Strange Sensations in the Body.  In other words, we tend to Energetically Collapse around Strange Sensations.  “Something is Wrong!  We Gotta Fix it!” is the immediate Reaction, corresponding to an Energetic Contraction.  What if it was “Something is Different!  Isn’t that Curious!” instead – where of course we’d prefer Awe-Wonder-Fascination Curiosity over Gotta-Figure-it-Out Curiosity.

What if Strange Sensations in the Body Enlivened us the way Traveling in a foreign country can.  Strange-Sensation symptoms of dis-ease are productively considered to be the result of the Body Restoring Balance – a runny nose as mucus dispelling virus for example.  And of course unreasonable fatigue is just a Somatic request for more Rest.  Healing is greatly accelerated if we Open to those Sensations (increasing Blood flow to their location) rather than Closing around them (which restricts Blood flow, inhibiting the Immune System’s white blood cells).  That would greatly alter our Tolerance for the Vulnerabilities of Physicality, and tilt our Emotions toward Joy more often.

The Unx Pattern-Breaking Angle between Trusting the Present (Eurydike-Uranus) and Embracing Fear (Venus-Vesta-Sedna) opens the door to Life-Changing Transformations like this.  Maybe Opening Lovingly to Unfamiliar Physical Sensations is a prerequisite for Ascension to 5D.  But we need to Respond to the Opportunity.  The nature of Karma is Inertia – we move toward what’s familiar, toward our Training.  We need to Consciously make the Choice to move toward an Alternative instead.  That by itself will Enliven us, though it will be Uncomfortable at first, till we get our New Patterns Habitualized.  (What a “coincidence” – in the 7 April Full Moon chart, the Moon [Instincts] is Unx to asteroid Moira [Consciously Choosing Alternatives to Fate].)