Archive for the ‘Ego Death’ Category

January, Week 3 – Ego Death Week I

January 16, 2017

So, what’s an Ego Death?  Addicts, Born-Again Christians, and Tibetan Buddhists might be the only folks around who really understand what it means.  It happens when we realize that what we’re doing in Life is really not working, and our only option is to “Give Up,” or, more properly, “Give It Over.”  

Remember the old saw about doing the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes?  When we Realize that we’re doing the same thing over and over again and it’s never accomplished what we’d hoped it would, we’re stopped cold in our tracks, and know that we have to try something new.

Only problem is, do we know how to try something new?  Or will we just try the same old thing under a different disguise.  It helps a lot to understand the concept of Identity, because an Ego Death is a Change of Identity, like when Clark becomes Superman.  

For most of us most of the Time, our Identity is transparent to us, because we’re relating from it rather than to it, as Stephen Levine says (Turning toward the Mystery, p.53).  When we say “I’m [not] one of those people who…” our Identity becomes opaque and observable, but who among us says that as an Observation about our Limits, rather than a boast about our Prejudices?

And worse, how many times a day do we make a Decision or Choice based on an unstated “I’m [not] one of those people who…”?  At least if we go around saying, to ourself or others, “I’m [not] one of those people who…”, we’re Conscious of our Identity, even if we don’t realize it’s a Mask and a Limitation.  

Let’s take a Real-Time example.  Suppose I think “I’m one of those people who writes good blogs.”  And Suppose I start thinking, “This one is hard,” and I have to stop and PIAVA assistance to communicate clearly, because I like that Feeling of finishing a post and thinking to myself, “This is really good!”  Then Suppose what happens next is that I Feel Despair about accomplishing it.

Well, I’m closing in on my Identity as a writer, aren’t I.  You’d think that when I had to Ask for help, my Identity would have already taken a hit.  (Notice that “My Identity” and “I” are synonyms – substitute one for the other in those sentences and see if it’s illustrative of anything.)  No, I/my-Identity long ago Realized that I/my-Identity could do anything a lot better when I/it had help from the Ethers.  But I/it didn’t really Change the Subject, did I/it.  I/it went straight from PIAVAing to Despair.

Of course.  Our poster child for Despair, Chiron, is dancing with Mars (16 January, 10pm PST, 22 Pisces – A new law is promulgated.)  I’ve already had one episode of intense Frustration this evening, where I got to watch how I React to an impassable dead end.

So how do we (ie, I/my-Identity) Change the Subject?  (Notice the editorial we-Identity creeping in there.)  Well, I/my-body have to pee anyway, and I/it want some ice cream, and I/it can use one of my standbys, a hand of solitaire.  Diversions!  That’ll Change the Subject!  Of course, the Sugar has cut me/it off from my/its Feelings.  So, now what.  

Well, I/it can try to Pay Attention.  What was my/its original issue/PIAVA?  Oh yeah, how would I/it Feel if I/it wrote a lousy blog post.  Well, unfortunately for youalls, I/it is not that much of a Perfectionist.  (I/it is Noticing I/my-Cleverness subtly patting me/it on the back for writing this as a narrative.)

Okay, I/it admit it, I’m Feeling Confused.  Are you/your-Identity Feeling Confused too?  Confusion is good, Confusion is the first sign of Growth, right?  Growth in Consciousness isn’t possible without an Ego Death.  We’re like the Snake and Turtle and Crab – our Identity is literally an exoskeleton, and we have to molt it in order to Grow.  So, now, are you perfectly Clear about what an Ego Death is?  

No?  Well, good, because if you were, you wouldn’t have Grown, you’d just have been playing Scrabble with me.  Maybe we’ve talked circles around it long enough to plant seeds into your Intuition, maybe not.  At any rate, besides Learning about our Relationship to Despair and Frustration, this week we’re also going to be Confronting two other Big Ego Deaths.

In the first one, we’re face-fo-face with our Abandoned Genius, and we won’t recognize them unless we’re willing to Embrace a Big Ego Death, aka a Change in Who We Believe Ourselves to “Be,” on a deep level.  

19 January, 1am PST, Ixion (Abandoned Genius) Initiates Juno (the Edges of Consciousness), Sagittarius 26 (“A Flag Bearer”).  Oh my, a Flag is an Identity, isn’t it!

What might this look like?  

Well, we might meet someone we’re intensely Jealous or Envious of.  Someone who has all the glorious Qualities that we’ve always wished we had, and wears them as if they’re Effortless.  Someone Brilliant, Gorgeous, Talented, and Fabulous.  I Wonder what would happen if we tried to Mirror their admirable Qualities instead of Shying away from them or Feeling Inferior.

We could meet someone we immediately really dislike, and probably not know why.  Whoever suppressed our Genius probably started very early in our Lifetime, before we had developed much of an Identity and Memory, or even before we had collected enough Experience to even detect a difference.  So when we encounter a Mirror of our Programmers, we might simmer internally without knowing why.  So we may imagine that we don’t like them because “they’re one of those people who…”

Or, maybe we’ll meet someone whom we have an intense Desire to Please.  There’s a good chance we’re still Collaborating in the Suppression of our Genius,, and to the extent that’s True, someone who reminds us of our Programmers may seem like someone we need to Please.  Like Unconsciously falling in “love” with our Kidnappers.

So, if our Identity is Paying Attention, we could try, after we find a Safe Space and Time to do it in, Imagining ourself to be the person who Triggered us, and then watching to see what arises.  Even if you detect nothing, you may still have planted a few seeds in your Intuition, to sprout later.

Shedding

December 30, 2016

Snagged on a poignant Vignette this morning, I caught myself beginning to indulge my Pain.  So I Shed – which feels somewhere between Opening my Angelwings and pouring a quart of (dry) water over my head – and in the process Realized that Stephen Levine’s writings would be particularly Powerful for us in this phase of our Transition.  My copies of his books aren’t handy, but I believe it was Healing into Life and Death or Guided Meditations, Explorations, and Healings that I was thinking of, probably the latter, the one full of incredibly Heart-Opening Guided Meditations.

There is a big difference between Forgiveness and Boundaries.  Forgiveness is a Discovery, not a Decision – you wake up one day and Discover that you aren’t Angry at them any more.  Which doesn’t mean you can’t Invite Forgiveness into your Life, as Stephen often does in these Meditations.  This is a Memory, not a quote…

“Whatever you may have done to Hurt me, Consciously or otherwise, I Forgive you.

“Whatever I may have done to Hurt you, Consciously or otherwise, I Ask that you Forgive me.”

I don’t think Stephen would mind if I misquoted him or borrowed his Work; he had an Ego as Inclusive as the Galaxy.  We’re approaching the first anniversary of his Transition out of his Incarnation…  

https://www.ramdass.org/remembering-stephen-levine-1937-2016/

Hurt is complicated – it can be a Commission or an Omission, or something else entirely, often “just” a Misalignment, where you’re trying to relate but you’re on different tracks.  But where there’s Pain, Inviting Forgiveness is useful.  This one is a quote, from http://levinetalks.com/Writings/single_post/ego-death 

“In the course of breaking the narrow confines of the self-image, a whole new world becomes available when you find out who you aren’t, including your suffering, which wipes out most of your precious/painful identity.  This can be a little disconcerting.

“Just before my face fell off, I looked back at my life as though it were my own.  I was possessed by memory.
“But as I passed behind the well-woven tapestry of appearances, history was undone.  The knots and snags that hold the illusion in place unraveling.
“The suffering defended so long dissolved like the Cheshire smile as a karmic wind caught a loose end and pulled . . .
“In transit beyond the known.”

And if you haven’t yet, and you can spare a week where you can’t do anything else but read (because it’s so compelling), Stephen’s Who Dies? is required reading for anyone.  Actually there’s a good chance you’ll find it to be The Most Important Thing you’ve ever done, so “sparing” a week might not be the right verb.

Back in the 1980s, when Pluto was in Scorpio (“The Way Out is Through”), before it crossed Sagittarius (“The Way Out is Letting Go”) into Capricorn (“Just Fix It Already”), a wonderful body of Literature was produced by the
“Recovery Movement.”  One of my favorites was Susan Forward’s Toxic Parents.  Nothing against parents, and mine were by no means the worst, but this book just does a great job of differentiating Forgiveness from Boundaries, and we need to understand this.

Like John Said…

December 27, 2016

Remember Both/And; Truth is Different for each of us because Truth resides in the Heart, not in the mind’s Duality.  Even if this is not your Truth, it may be useful to you, as all New Perspectives are.  New Perspectives may help you Let Go of Judgment of Others, they may help you Let Go of Unconscious Limiting Beliefs, and they may Grow Corn for you in Unusual Circumstances.

  ♥    ♥    ♥    ♥    ♥    ♥    ♥  

2017, which is a Tenth-Harmonic (Abundance) Year, begins with dwarf planet Makemake Stationary.  A planet is at its Strongest when it’s Stationary.  The Essence of Makemake is Manifestation.  As John said…

http://suzanneliephd.blogspot.com/2016/12/it-is-now-arcturians-through-suzanne-lie.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqP3wT5lpa4

But first we need to get past this week’s once-in-a-millennium Funfest.  Actually, though, since they’re co-incident, we need to interpret them as one astroevent.  How we Respond to this week will have a big Impact on how our Manifestation Skills shift in the New Year.  There are many Keys to that process…

(1) The Most Important Thing is inviting our Abandoned Genius to come Home.  Treat them like a Wild Animal that you’re trying to tame.  Offer them a Treat – like maybe an Open Heart to them, then step back and sit down, facing slightly away, so they don’t think you’re watching them (Change the Subject).  Then – sit quietly and Wait.  As long as it takes.  You can’t approach them directly.  You have to Demonstrate your Loving Kindness, Be Open and Inviting but Neutral and Non-Attached, and Let Them Approach You.  If you do that, they will come, you just don’t know how long it will take, so you need Patience.  

(2) You have Time, you don’t need to rush.  What you do need to do is to Show Them Consistency, and Avoid sudden moves that would Startle them.  Find your Space of Loving Kindness, and Apologize to your Abandoned Genius  for Allowing them be Banished from your Life.  Don’t Punish yourself, it was something you had to do in order to Survive at the Time, and your Safety was then paramount.  But Feel their Pain and Abandonment, over having been Banished all these years.  Then PIAVA that they Return to You, Let It Go, and send them Love.  Then after a while – several to many hours – check to see if you’ve Learned anything.  Then Do It Again.

(3) While you’re doing the Processes above and below, hold a Crystal or Jewel or Stone in your hand.  Choose one that you feel very Safe and Loving with.  If it’s wearable, great, wear it all week.  If not, keep it in a pocket if you can.  If it’s too big for that, put in a Sacred Space and Be There or Visualize it as you begin each of these Processes (do these whenever you think of it all week – constantly if possible!).  If you don’t have the perfect Crystal handy, gaze at this one…

Annabergite 3952 photo:J.Buss

Print it out (from http://www.jbuss.com/jbl4d/annabergite1.htm ) and carry it with you; that’s your Abandoned Genius sparkling there in the center, as It – that is, You, the Abandoned part of You – struggles to escape the maw that’s about to devour It – that is, You, your historical You.

(4) Be Compassionate with any Pain you Feel.  “You poor Sweetheart, you’re really hurting aren’t you.”  Then put your thoughts on something else.  After a while you can check in again to see if you’re still in Pain.  If you aren’t, spend a few minutes in Gratitude.  If you are still (or again) in Pain, give yourself another “You poor Sweetheart…”  When You are Hurting, that’s literally True – You Are Hurt.  When you give yourself a “You poor Sweetheart…” You aren’t Hurt any more, You Are Compassion.  And Empathy Heals.  

(5) You don’t have to Fix anything or Change anything, you just have to be Loving and Gentle with yourself.  It’s actually The Most Important Thing.  Ask yourself, “I Wonder what would happen if I Trusted that my own Empathy is Enough to Heal Myself.”  Don’t seek Answers, just stay in Wonder as long as you can.  If you want you can Imagine that it’s True, then look to see what your Inner Eye sees.  If you see Peace, you’re Golden.  If you see Trouble, Ask what you’re Feeling there, and give yourself another “You poor Sweetheart…” about that.  “You poor Sweetheart, you’re Feeling Doubt, aren’t you.”

(6) You are Learning a Paradox about how…

  • Self-Sovereignty (which includes Doing and Having What you Want)

is Related to… 

  • Being Truthful with Yourself about What you Fear

The Relationship isn’t Logical, so don’t try to make it so.  Imagine how you’ll Feel when you can Do and Have exactly what you Want to Do and Have, moment to moment.  Then Ask yourself if you have any Yes-Buts.  Take them one by one, and convert them to Yes-Ands.  This is a Paradox, remember, it doesn’t make sense.  Maybe something like… “I Have Complete Freedom and Abundance, Yes, And my Life is falling apart because I’m not honoring my ten zillion Commitments!”  Or… “I Have Complete Freedom and Abundance, Yes, And how am I treating other people?”  Then just Change the Subject.  Nothing to Solve, nothing to Fix, just another Paradox.  Trust a Perfect Unfoldment; you just See Through a Glass Darkly.

(7) Be on the lookout for Ego Death.  The Signs are Thinking “I’d rather Die” or “I’d do anything for Love, but I won’t do That,” Not recognizing the landmarks in your own neighborhood, Feeling Confused, Not being able to keep your regular schedule, Feeling like you’re just now meeting old friends or colleagues for the first time.  It’s like you’re a Walk-In, but you aren’t.  It’s Weird.  An Ego Death is actually an Ego Rebirth.  It’s exactly what you Crave.  Our natural Reaction is to do everything we can to Prevent a Death/Rebirth; you want to do everything you can to be Loving and Gentle with it.  You’re a Babe in Arms, put yourself to your Breast, rock, and coo.

(8) Every Memory, Flashback, Vignette, and Historical Flash you Receive is Significant.  This is what it’s about.  They’re all either…

  • Related to how you were before your “Betters” Abandoned/Abused you
  • Related to the chronic or acute Traumas that characterized or precipitated your Abandonment
  • Related to your resulting Lifetime Self-Abandonment
  • Related to the many episodes in your Life where you exercised your now-Habitual Self-Abandonment (any “If-Only-I’d-Have…” Flashbacks?)
  • Related to your Shoulds (which are all Self-Abandonments)
  • Related to the Limiting Beliefs and Karmic Archetypes that are Lit Up so you can become Conscious of them and Choose to Let them Go
  • Related to episodes of Genuine Self-Love and Self-Care (for Contrast)

Or several/many/ all of the above.

As we’ve said, these are Big Doin’s.

Makemake’s Exact Retrograde Station is at 3pm PST on 2 January.

(1) Abandoned Genius (AG) as The Most Important Thing (TMIT): Saturn/TMIT Conjunct Ixion/AG and Nemesis/Ego-Death Oppose dwarf planet Chaos/Unlimited-Potential, forming the base of a Chiron/Despair-and-Miracle T-Square/Challenge.  Saturn-Ixion Opposite Chaos and Jupiter-Haumea/Big-Rebirth Opposite Uranus-Ceres-Eris-Mnemosyne/Memories -to-make-our-True-Self-Sustainable form a  Golden Rectangle/Creative-Genius.

(2a) Having Time: Ixion Initiates Saturn 15 February in 25 Sagittarius.  Other closely related intermediate events:

  • Ixion Initiates Nemesis 6 January 25 Sagittarius
  • Juno Opposes Chaos 6 January
  • Juno Squares Chiron 7 January 
  • Saturn Initiates Juno 11 January 23 Sagittarius
  • Ixion Initiates Juno 19 January 26 Sagittarius
  • Jupiter Stationary Retrograde Conjunct Haumea 6 February 24 Libra

(2b) Survival/Safety: Moira/Fate Sextile Saturn-Ixion-Nemesis-Juno etc etc.

(3) Crystal: the Vacancy that completes the Chiron T-Square is 22 Virgo, A royal coat of arms rich in Precious Stones.  Annabergite is one of the few Crystalline Minerals that was Organically Alive just before it Crystalized.  The appropriate Heart color and dangerous positioning on this one is a convenient “coincidence.”  Or, you could use this Cluster (from http://www.jbuss.com/jbl4/tbam1878bp.htm ), with the Violet Flame:

(4) Compassion/Empathy: the Chiron T-Square.

(5) Wonder and Trust: the Tricolor Saturn-Ixion-Nemesis-Juno Square Chiron Quincunx Eurydike/Trust Trine Saturn-Ixion et al.

(6) Self-Sovereignty/Truth-Fear: Sedna-Aletheaia/Being-Truthful-about-our-Fear to Lilith/Self-Sovereignty Yin Gate/Mystery School embedded in the Golden Rectangle in (1).

(7) Ego Death: Jupiter/Amplification Conjunct Haumea/Rebirth, Uranus-Eris Stellium, Saturn-Ixion Stellium, etc etc etc.

(8) Flashbacks: Mnemosyne/Memories in the Uranus-Eris Stellium, Nemesis/Regret in the Saturn-Ixion Stellium, Aletheia/Truth on Sedna, etc etc etc.

1 December and the Angels

December 1, 2016

Today’s chart looks a lot like the New Moon chart from a couple of days ago.  The

  • (1) Big Learning-to-Embrace-Fear Opportunity (Grand Quintile), the
  • (2) Abandoned-Genius-Recovery Mystery School (Yin Gate), and the
  • (3) Great Grace around Trust (Grand Sextile)

Configurations all remain, with their flood of Ten Thousand Vignettes and no shortage of Ego Deaths.  It’s a busy month.  

In the first week or so…

  • (4) Expect the Ten Thousand Vignettes to continue to Expand greatly, in service of the continuing Removal of our Masks.
  • (5) Our Opportunity/Challenge to Let Go of obsolete Oaths, Promises, stuck Patterns, and Limiting Beliefs is much enhanced by the Station of dwarf planet Orcus.
  • (6) Our Trust issues become more obvious; if we Remember that we’re immortal Souls taking a vacation in a physical Body, it might make Trust easier – the Soul is invulnerable, though if We-as-a-Body Forget our Soul-Self too much we can miss the Cmail* requesting that we check in for our return flight, extending our vacation more than we’ll Enjoy.         (*Channeled message) 
  • (7) We’re working on our article on Lunar Emotional Energy as the glue that holds Matter together.  The theme runs a lot like this:  It’s Passion that drives Manifestation, but it’s the combination of Conscious Passion and Unconscious Passion that does the work.  As we Unify these two, Manifestation becomes more Effortless.  In early December there’s a big push toward making our Mask Removal Permanent, an essential step toward Integrating our Passions and eliminating Self-Sabotage.
  • (8) Think about how the last week or two have been very different in your Life.  Seeing more Mysterious movements out of the corner of your eye?  Obvious signs of Ego Rebirth (such as feeling lost on a route you’ve traveled often)?  Long deep Sleeps?  Unusually sharp Intuitions?  Unexplainable surges of Excitement?  Angels are becoming more Present; keep your eye out for evidence of them.  The more you Acknowledge their Presence, the more they can work their Magic.
  • (9) If you’re thinking hard about Survival under difficult circumstances, you aren’t alone.  These are Instincts.  However, see (6), (7), and (8).
  • (10) Some of those Ten Thousand Vignettes and Survival scenarios may seem intolerable, like You’d rather Die than go through that again.  It’s an Invitation to Ego Death; do RSVP; if you Embrace the Sensation (“You poor Sweetheart, you’d rather Die than do that again, wouldn’t you”) you’re less likely to have to endure it again. 
  • (11) Remember that the basic assignment is the Deepening of Self-Love.

Oh, and Italy votes to leave the EU on 4 December, or rather, Italy votes on whether or not to leave the EU on 4 December – the next shoe dropping in the Collapse of Cultures as we know them.  

In astrologuese…

(1) The Sedna (Embracing Fear) Grand Quintile with Vesta (Limiting Unconscious Beliefs), Jupiter (Expansion), Moon-Mercury-Quaoar (Survival Issues; see also (9)) and Neptune-South Node (Embracing Emerging Held Emotions, Loss of the Veil, Collapse of Cultures; Material Confusion and Spiritual Clarity).

(2) The Ixion Mystery School – the Golden Rectangle formed by Ixion-Pholus (Being Fully Responsible to our Abandoned Genius), Chaos (Unlimited Potential), Haumea (Rebirth), and Uranus-Eris-Ceres-Mnemosyne (Identifying with our Soul Self).  Embedded in the Golden Rectangle is a Yin Gate between Sedna (Embracing Fear) and Lilith (Self-Sovereignty).

(3) The Eurydike Grand Sextile, formed by the Golden Rectangle (2) and an Opposition between Pallas (Boundaries) and Eurydike (Trust); Pallas-Eurydike forms a Grand Cross with Sedna-Lilith.

(4) Mnemosyne (Memories) Stationary Direct 6 December (Strong; we don’t usually give asteroids more than 3-4 days of Sensitivity, but it’s been within one Degree of its Station since 18 November, and could be one of the major Triggers for our Ten Thousand Vignettes) at 7pm PST at 20 Aries (“A young girl feeding birds in winter; overcoming crises through compassion“) and of course still very much Conjunct Uranus-Eris-Ceres (Making our True Self or Yintegrity Permanent).

(5) Orcus (Making and Breaking of Oaths) Stationary Retrograde 7 December (very Strong for at least a week prior; it’s been within one Degree of its Station since about 22 September) at noon PST on the South Node (Karma, Held Emotions, Archetypes we’ve Merged with, Hidden Skills).

 (6) Eurydike (Trust) Stationary Retrograde 9 December (Strong for at least 3-4 days prior; within one Degree since 20 November) at 9am PST in 24 Leo (“Totally concentrated upon inner spiritual attainment, a person is sitting in a state of complete neglect of bodily appearance and cleanliness“); does 24 Degrees sound familiar?  How about…

  • Eurydike Opposite Pallas (Boundaries) and Square the Lilith-Sedna Opposition (Fear of Misogyny), making a Grand Cross (Busy Busy Busy); of course the Lilith-Sedna Opposition is the core of the Mystery School (see (2) above).
  • Eurydike Trine to Ixion-Pholus (Being Fully Responsible to Recover our Abandoned Genius, Brilliance, Gorgeousness, Talent, and Fabulosity) and Uranus-Eris-Ceres-Mnemosyne (see (4) above), making a Grand Trine (Dumb-Luck Grace).
  • Eurydike Sextile to Haumea (Rebirth) and Chaos (Unlimited Potential), completing the Grand Sextile (Great Grace – after We take the first step).  The first step is Self-Love; in (4) above You are the Bird and the Young Girl both – “You poor Sweetheart…” – see (10) below.

(7) Ceres (Sustainability) Stationary Direct 9 December (Strong for at least 3-4 days prior; within one Degree since 22 November) at 4pm PST in 22 Aries (“The gate to the garden of all fulfilled desires“); see (4) above.

(8) on 5 December at about 3am, Hylonome (Detaching from Archetypes) Waxing Squares (Challenge) Makemake (Manifestation).  The Hylonome-Makemake Cycle in general is about Letting Go of Self-Sabotage.  The Energy of a Cycle is strong around its Initiation, then goes underground till the Waxing Square, then reaches the mainstream.  The current Cycle was Initiated in June 1989 (think Harmonic Convergence) at 3 Virgo, “Two Guardian Angels“!

(9) Quaoar (Survival) Initiates Mercury (Mentality, Communication) 2 December at 2pm PST in 30 Sagittarius (“The Pope blessing the faithful”).

(10) Nemesis (Ego Death) Initiates the Sun (our Essence) 2 December at noon PST in 12 Sagittarius (“A flag turns into an Eagle, turning into a Chanticleer [Rooster] saluting the Dawn”); again, this is the Degree of the Pluto-Chiron Initiation at the turn of the Century, suggesting our Journey from Separation to Unity, Nationalism to a broader, sharper Perspective and from there to the Return of the Light.  The Sun-Nemesis Cycle is about the Evolution of the Self.

(11) Asteroid Sappho (Self-Love) entered Scorpio (Relentlessness) a few days before the New Moon.  We’re warming up to an Initiation of Sappho by Klotho (Designing a new Ego-Lifetime) near the end of January.

Yintegrity Rising

June 23, 2016

A reader writes…

I don’t think they are happy with me.  I am not following their tradition and I’m not sure what the impact of that will be, but I don’t care!  I’m not doing what I should, I’m doing what I want.  And that is SO different for me.

“I’ve always been the analyze/plan/execute person.  I do my duty.  I fulfill my promises.  If I commit, I follow through.  Period.  No doubt.  No question.  I guess what you would call “Yangtegrity.”  And it has served me well.  Very well.  For my whole life.

“Over the past…18 months, two years, there’s been a growing resistance to all of it!  I don’t even want to show up half the time!  (I’ve always taught my kids-Showing up is 80% of success.)  My intellect is so confused, my ego is having panic attacks.  Is this moving into Yintegrity?  

“There’s a third part of me that is very calmly standing by, reassuring that we’ll work out a new way of functioning, everything will be fine, the earth will not stop spinning on its axis.  So is that the pressure and fear I’m feeling?  The shift into Yintegrity?”

You bet!!  

And like any Big Change, there’s a hollow space, a gap, where our Olde Ego is in Lackawanna (“I know I’m done for; why should I care?”), and our New Ego hasn’t got its training wheels on straight yet.  So we’re wobbly.  Confusion is good; it’s a reliable sign that we’re Growing.  Anxiety is common, as our Olde Patriarchy-Attuned Egos needed to know what was going on so they could figure out who to Please how, when.

Time for PIAVAs.  “Great Spirit, please help me Trust my True Future so I can Surrender my False Past more comfortably” or the like.  “I wonder where the Hell I’m going, anyway.”  With Saturn Waning Square to Neptune and moving into the Void Space between them, The Most Important Thing (Saturn) is Confusion (Neptune).  Neptune symbolizes Confusion when viewing the World through Material Eyes, and Clarity when we shift to Spiritual Eyes.  “Ganeshi, please Remove all Obstacles to Opening my Third Eye.”

 Another timely story…

https://alchemicalastrology.wordpress.com/2016/06/21/professionautism/

Love the title – ProfessionAutism.  I read it as Professionalism twice before I noticed the Aut.  In another post she says Pluto is on her Moon – I don’t know of any greater Emotional Challenge.  A perfect time to “hang loose,” but not even that is easy under Pluto-Moon.  “God/Goddess, Creator of All That Is, I Command that Ease and Grace fill my Life.  It Is Done, It Is Done, It Is Done.  Thank you, God/Goddess. … Show me.”

That’s a simplified form of Theta Healing.  Once you say “Show me,” look to see whether your Vision or other Intuitive Sense shows you bathed in Ease and Grace.  If not, look to see what else you need to Command.  Maybe Trust, or Enough to Eat, or just Breathing.

When the World, or your Community, or just your Household or Camp, operates through Yintegrity, the whole World is different.  People do things when they want to, and when someone resents something not being done, it’s up to them to recognize that it’s their job to do.  Or their job to inspire (not require or bully) someone else to do it, maybe as a group project where participation is of course optional – you would join or not because, in the moment, it’s more fun than doing otherwise.  

The Most Important Thing gets done, even if it’s not what you thought was The Most Important Thing.  Between the Waning Saturn Square to Neptune and the next Initiation, Cultures break down.  The next Neptune-Saturn Initiation isn’t until 2026, six years into the Digital Age.  It’s at the Aries Point – Manifestation into (Feminine) Form.  Aries Creates by Instinct, not by having a picture beforehand of the “finished” product.  Creating and “finishing” are two different Universes, with only accidental intersections.

Here’s a picture of it anyway – it’s not a “finished” picture, but a picture of the Yintegrity process unfolding…

https://cristenrodgers.net/2016/06/23/speak-your-truth-not-your-mind/

I would suggest though, that “The ways in which Other Living Things can speak may also be almost infinite – the truth or a lie, clearly or in riddles, with language or with art.”  We maybe just haven’t heard them yet, till we get our Third Eye – or Ear – Open.  And that Everything is Living.

And, Saturn runs a Gauntlet of Initiations before it gets back to Neptune – Ixion, Pholus, Quaoar, the Galactic Center, Chariklo, Hylonome, Pluto. OR10, and Nessus!  Saturn will be a very different Animal by then, and we will be too.  Sounds like this Gauntlet would be worth a post of its own, eh?

And we didn’t even notice that Saturn was Initiated by the Great Attractor this last February, with an Exposition in May!  The Great Attractor is Headquarters to the Galactic Center – Cosmic HQ.  No wonder it’s been a heavy year so far, as if we haven’t had enough excuses!  We’re being asked to align ourselves with an Energy more Powerful than even Galactic Energy.

Uranus-Eris I

June 7, 2016

There are several layers to the 8-9 June Eris Initiation of Uranus.  The Initiation, and the next Century that it colors (the Cycle lasts about a Century), is about Abundance – Abundance of Spirit, and Abundance of the Material toys that Spirit likes to play with.  Abundance, of course, means Having Enough to Share.

Uranus symbolizes our Connection to our Individual Soul, and Eris represents the Revelation of what’s been Denied – and what threatens to remain Denied.  This is the Energy we’ve been dealing with all year so far: Removing our Masks, getting Honest with ourself, Insights about our Limiting Unconscious Beliefs, the Ego Death we need to endure in order to Expand into our Life Mission, and most prominently the Rebirth we’re Experiencing in the process.

Where has your Attention been so far this year?  On the Ego Death, or on the Rebirth?  If you Learn to recognize the symptoms of Ego Death, you can put its discomfort into Perspective while you look forward to, and PIAVA, the glorious Future your Rebirth promises.  Intention follows Attention.  The more you dwell on the Ego Death, the more you’re likely to depress your Future.

Details

(1)  The Big Picture in the first layer is all about the Rebirth.  As Rebirths go, this one is Blessed.  If we can be Present with the difficulties that are normal for Ego Death and Rebirth, the result promises Abundance of Spiritual and Material rewards.

(2)  A complexity that could hinder the Grace if allowed to develop negatively (for instance, if we failed to Love our Fear to Death, or if we sank into Despair about how distant we seem to be from Living from our True, Effortless, Joyful, Playful, Shameless Talents), can be resolved by PIAVAing “Ganeshi, please remove all Obstacles between me and Embracing my Despair” and “I Affirm that my most Powerful Skills are available for me to use without Fear.”  Or something like that.

(3)  Recovery of the Soul’s message that we’ve been Denying (seeking Truth) will leverage the Energy locked in our Fear of (Ego) Death, and in our Despair, to Power an even more profound Rebirth.  Think about it; haven’t you been thinking about how your Future looks and Feels more inviting to you than it has in a while?  Haven’t you been smiling to yourself more often in the last several days?

(4)  All year we’ve been unavoidably dwelling on what’s not been working, because it’s forced us to detour from our regular schedule to put out the Brushfires and frighten away the Wolves.  Well, we should be done with that now.  In the process we’ve Let Go of a lot of old baggage we no longer need, and, now streamlined, we’re Free to Manifest our Heart’s Desire.

(5)  The ring-pass-not between Ego Death and Rebirth is Confusion.  Most of us instantaneously convert our Confusion to either Fear or Anger, or both.  Use that Energy to protect your Boundaries, either by taking precautions against whatever your Fear warns against, or by Safely expressing your Anger to those who would Abuse you.  Then, when you’re Safe, go back and look for the Confusion beneath the Fear or Anger.

There’s a Question there – what is it?  Maybe “Why don’t people Respect me?” or “Why are people so Selfish?” or “What did I ever do to them?”  Whatever it is, make it into a PIAVA.  Maybe “I Wonder how I might command Respect” or “What would it Feel like to be as Selfish as they are, without violating my own Values” or “God/Goddess, please show me how I might Act differently, that would produce a better result.”

Think about the areas of your Life that have been working just fine.  “I Wonder what’s different about my Energy in these areas that are working, in contrast to my Energy in the areas that aren’t working.”

(6)  A major result of this Ego-Death Rebirth, is that we will be permanently Changed, as we are Learning to apply our Energy directly toward our Desires in a very Sustainable way.  You’ve probably already detected those Changes, eh?

The Astrology

(1)  The Eris-Uranus Initiation, which takes place at 24 Aries (a Vision of Abundance) is at the base of a Haumea Kite (Rebirth with Grace).  Haumea is Conjoined by the asteroid Nemesis – Rebirth is the Nemesis of the Olde Ego.  The arms of the Kite are Sappho (Self-Love) and Ixion (our Forbidden Genius).  The Grand Trine that forms the body of the Kite shines great Grace on the mantra of Soul-Love-Genius.  The Kite itself promises Rebirth into this mantra.

(2)  The arms of the Kite form the Trine atop a Square Fez, as both Sappho and Ixion are Squared by planets one Sign away on either side of Uranus-Eris.  In this Square Fez, the determining Quincunxes are Sappho-to-Chiron (Embracing our Despair) and Ixion-to-Sedna (Overcoming Fear of Embracing our Forbidden Genius).  The secret to resolving a Fez is to Surrender any difficulty in the Squares (Sedna-to-Sappho, or Fear to Love, and Ixion-to-Chiron, or Despair over ever being able to pursue our Deepest Desires), to the Mystery (ie, PIAVA) of the Quincunxes.  Sedna is Conjoined by Mercury and Atropos (Awareness of Fear of Death, or Awareness of the Death of Fear).

(3)  Chiron and Sedna-Mercury-Atropos make a Yod to Haumea-Nemesis.  Uranus-Eris makes it into a Yod Kite.  I’m told by my CAO that folks call this a Boomerang Yod, and that the focus remains on the point of the Yod (Haumea-Nemesis), but with the Power of Uranus-Eris acting like a bow-string to activate Haumea-Nemesis (Ego Death/Rebirth) even more strongly.

(4)  This Fez overlain on a Trine Kite makes a huge Five-Pointed Star (Manifestation, Power, Magic), also pointing at Haumea-Nemesis – Yet another Booster for Rebirth into our Future.  It looks a little like a Jack-in-the-box hidden inside one of those old wire-handled white thin-cardboard take-out containers from a Chinese restaurant.  We might even call the Configuration a Jack-in-the-Box, or a Chinese Takeout.

(5)  Mars (Energy, Anger) butts in, Opposing Sedna-Mercury-Atropos, and making a T-Square (Mastery through Challenge) to Sappho, in Leo, doubling our Challenge to Self-Love.  The Vacancy (26 Aquarius) that will make this into a Balanced Grand Cross is about Innovation – taking what you know about one field, and applying it to solve a problem in another field.

(6)  Mars is one corner of the foot of a Quintile Yod pointing at Ceres (Sustainability), along with Jupiter, which is Conjunct the North Node (Expanding into our Lifetime Mission, and into more directly pursuing our Desires).

Eris-Uranus New Moon

June 3, 2016

Bottom Line

The 4 June New Moon is a major trigger for the 9 June Eris-Uranus Initiation, which is about Getting Honest with Ourselves around our formerly-Unconscious Limiting Beliefs.  We’ve also referred to them as Masks and Archetypes, and Despair.  This is really about Rebirth.  Unfortunately it may not be the most Effortless Birth, as our favorite Pattern is to cling to our Olde Ego while the New Ego is trying to get born.  That’s very painful.

We have to Let Go and Let God/Goddess.  Trust the process.  Whenever the going gets tough, recognize that you’re in Resistance to the Change.  It may not at all be obvious what else you can do besides Resist – Resistance is your Olde Ego trying to Survive, and that’s exactly what Egos do for a living, they’re good at it, and that’s why you hire them, because when they Survive, you Survive.  Except during the occasional Rebirths; we have to endure an Ego Death to allow a Rebirth.  

Your New Ego isn’t formed yet, and while we may have an inkling where to find its chrysalis, we won’t know what it Feels like.  So we’re stuck with PIAVAs (“God/Goddess, please give me a clue what to do besides Resist” or “I Wonder what it will Feel like when I finish wriggling out of this old carapace that’s so tight I can’t Breathe”) and Tapping (“Even though I feel worthless and hopeless, I deeply and completely Love and Accept Myself”) and Empathizing (“You poor Sweetheart, you really feel like you’re being tortured, don’t you”) and the like.

Once you succeed in Letting Go, you’ll be surprised at how quickly it gets Easy.

 

Details

1.  There’s a big Challenge to Embrace our Despair.  Remember that “Unconscious Despair” is failure to Believe that what you Need is even Possible.  Set aside your YesButs for a moment and Imagine that you could have what you Need or Want.  Now go back to your YesButs and convert each one to a YesAnd.  “YesBut you just aren’t Sexy enough to get that” might become “YesAnd I just Need one Lover.”  “YesBut you’ll never be able to earn enough Money for that” may be “YesAnd What If someone gave it to me as a Gift!”

You want to Touch that Feeling that you would have if your Dream came true, and hold it as long as you can, till it becomes a when rather than an if,  If you can hold that Feeling enough, it won’t matter whether your Dream actually Manifests, because you’ll already have what your Dream would have given you – Peace, Joy, Excitement, Self-Respect, Power, Grace.  What’s a Lover or a Red Convertible compared to that!  And if you had those Feelings most of the time, you could probably score Lovers and Convertibles pretty easy, if you still wanted to.

This is the difference between your Deepest Desires and your Mission in the Lifetime.  What you Desire isn’t actually the Object of your Dreams, it only seems that way because you live in a Material World.  What you actually Crave, what you came her to achieve, is How the Object of your Dreams Makes you Feel.  From that Feeling you can have anything you Ask for.  And guess what!  You’ll be Asking for different things, and they won’t have any YesButs.  It’s a Hologram, y’know, and you’re the projector.

2.  While this is a big Challenge, it doesn’t come without tools that can actually make it pretty Easy.  However, to manifest the Ease, we have to realize that Rebirth is the Ego’s Least Favorite party game, and Love our Olde Ego into oblivion.  Try Gratitude that It’s gotten you this far.  Try just really really appreciating how incredibly Comfortable your Olde Ego Feels, and PIAVA that your New Ego is going to Feel even more Comfortable once you’ve moved through the Grief of Giving Up your Olde Friend who’s kept you Safe.

3.  What will make your Rebirth Easier?  Getting Honest about what you’ve been trying to hide from yourself.  You may not know the details, but you know the general theme.  Abuse?  You don’t need to remember who or when, you just need to Trust your Feelings about it.  Fear?  Anger?  Embrace them.  Locate them in your Body, and move all of your Attention into the center of that place, and hold it there.  Bring it back when it wanders.  Stay with it till it dissolves or moves.  If it moves, follow it.

Eventually you’ll need to Surrender all Blame.  Blame looks toward the Past to assign Cause, while Responsibility looks toward the Future to improve Outcomes.  Any time you catch yourself attributing some Emotion or Sensation in your Body to any outside Cause, stop and bring your Attention back into your Body.  I’m always gnawing at myself because my neighbors have no idea what I’m trying to do in my Garden, and condemn it as a Jungle.

I need to catch myself thinking that, and bring my Attention back into my own Body.  Those Emotions and Sensations have their Roots in my Personal and Karmic Histories.  Those are my Emotions, the neighbors only trigger them.  I need to take up the Practice of locating them in my Body, and Loving them right where they are, exactly as they are.  If I Reject any Emotion, I dampen them all, and without any of them I’m not a Whole Person, I’m dis-eased.

Use this general model with everything that you suspect may be lurking in your Underwhere – Inadequacy, Self-Hate, Belief in Fate, Addiction, Guilt, Shame, any Limiting Belief, and anything else that comes up.  When the Emotion begins to Overwhelm, Tap it Out.

4.  The whole chart actually falls into a pool of Enormous Grace, but there’s a leak in the pool.  To plug it, we need to recognize the Challenges we’ve Lived through, Honor ourself for Living through them, and be Willing to talk about them so others can Learn from our travails.

 

The Astrology

  1.  Aside from the Eris-Uranus Initiation itself of course, the primary focus of the chart is a Chiron T-Square (Challenge to Convert Despair to Miracles) across and Opposition between an Ixion-Pholus Conjunction (Taking Full Responsibility to Let our Orphaned Genius out of the closet) and a Karma-Chaos Conjunction (But without my old Patterns it all looks Chaotic! or Karma is Dead; Long Live Karma!).
  2. This T-Square (Mastery through Challenge) is actually a Diamond Star (Making what would be difficult, Easy), with Sappho (Self-Love) and a Haumea-Nemesis Conjunction (either Feeling like you had this coming, or Recognizing that Rebirth feels like Death because they’re just different sides of the same Coin) on the feet of the Chiron Yod.
  3. The Eris-Uranus Initiation (Revelation of Denial) is at the focus of a Quintile Yod (huge Learning Opportunity).  However, the Haumea-Nemesis Conjunction Opposes the Eris-Uranus Initiation, converting the QYod into a Quintile Kite and shifting some of the emphasis onto Haumea-Nemesis.  A Yod pointing to a Sedna-Atropos Conjunction (The Demise of Fear, foreshadowed of course by the Fear of Demise) from the base of the Sextile from Haumea-Nemesis to Ixion-Pholus.
  4. Eris-Uranus, Karma-Chaos, Sappho, Haumea-Nemesis, and Ixion-Pholus form five points of a Grand Sextile (Enormous Grace, though we need to take the first step).  The Vacancy is 24 Aquarius, “A person, having overcome their compulsions, shares the deep wisdom that results from their experience: The constructive use to which difficult past experiences can be put as examples for those who are still striving to overcome their compulsions,” aka Archetypes/Masks/Karma.

Waning Jupiter-Saturn Square: Confidence-Builder

May 25, 2016

GrandTrines has a nice graphic analysis of the 26 May Jupiter-Saturn Square, at …

https://grandtrines.wordpress.com/2016/05/23/jupiter-square-saturn-2016-05-26/

I’ll add some commentary.  In general, Jupiter-Saturn Squares are about tension between Extroversion and Introversion.  During duress, our Inner Extrovert gets Centered by hanging out with other people, while our Inner Introvert gets Grounded by hanging out with Ourself.  A couple of you have written about how your Guides seem to be recommending playing your cards close to the chest, apparently contrary to our preaching about Dropping Our Masks and Letting It All Hang Out.  This Extro-Intro-Vert Confusion may be part of that; see if it Changes after 26 May.  

In general, we like Safety First, and don’t recommend throwing your Pearls before Pink Animals, unless you really don’t care.  A Jupiter-Saturn Square in another sense suggests that staying Present with The Most Important Thing is more Expansively Important than usual, and the Most Important Thing for the next few weeks is to get Honest with yourself.  Getting Honest with other people is very Important if it’s an Important Relationship.  Of course we’d all be better off if we were all completely Honest with one another, but Idealism is not a game you can win.

We’ve mentioned that this particular Jupiter-Saturn Square is likely to kick off an economic decline, but that’s another story – see, for instance, https://astrobuss.wordpress.com/2015/08/19/august-september-iii/ .  This is the third occurrence of this Square, so it’s a Confidence-Builder.  The Changes it heralds will serve us in good stead as we endure the next four years of relative Scarcity.  What do you suppose it means that it coincides with a major shift in our Yintegrity?

GrandTrines mentions a couple of interesting Quintile Yods in the Jupiter-Saturn chart, one focused on Juno (the Edges of Consciousness) and the other on Uranus (Yintegrity).  

  • The Juno QYod is from a base of Sun and Chiron: it’s time to Learn to bring our Bummers up into Consciousness and deal with them as Masks rather than bottom-line Truths.  As Bill Plotkin puts it (Wild Mind p.138-9)…

“When an Inner Critic is operating outside our awareness, we notice only how bad we feel about ourselves, which we probably attribute to the fact that we must objectively be deplorable or inadequate.  We passively accept our deficiencies or even our contemptibility.”

“When we know what we’re doing, we consciously choose to royally perform a degradation ceremony upon our very own poor selves.  We know we’re doing it and we feel we deserve it.”

“In contrast, our Nurturing Generative Adult protects and nurtures us by encouraging adequate preparation and conditioning, offering helpful suggestions and guidelines, self-care when things go adversely, and skills for improving less-than-optimal circumstances for both self and others.”

Our Nurturing Generative Adult would start by Tapping it Out.

  • The Uranus QYod is based on Mars and the North Node: it’s time to Learn to Assertively pursue the missing pieces in our Yintegrity, and our Mission and Deepest Desires.  Uranus and Eris are only half a Degree apart here, and Eris is as much a part of the focus of this QYod as Uranus: we need to also assertively pursue any inconsistencies in our Storyline.  Exactly Why is it, again, that we can’t Live in Yintegrity, Honor our Deepest Desires, and move toward our Mission?  Well, what if we Could?  What if we asked Ganesh to Remove All Obstacles to doing exactly that?  Scary, eh?

The Kite that GrandTrines delineates points to the South Node, even though Jupiter Amplifies the North Node.  Pluto and Mercury sit on the crossbar.  This brings a lot of Grace (Grand Trine) into our Reconsideration of whether or not we’re Victim to our Karma, or just a willing participant in our repetitive Patterns (South Node), a good deal of Persistence in disallowing backpedaling (Pluto), and alert Awareness for bringing the degree of our Commitment into Consciousness (Mercury).

And of course we have a very different interpretation of the Mjolnir, or Thor’s Hammer.  Thor’s Hammer, like Ganesh, overcame Obstacles, it didn’t necessarily obliterate them.  If you examine the parallel between the Norse Mjolnir and the Hindu Vajra – the Nordic languages derive from Sanskrit – we see that one of the strongest commonalities is the theme of Lightning.  Thor’s Hammer overcomes Obstacles through Illumination, not Violence, though it may be shocking – and dangerous to an Olde Ego that’s Identified with Darkness.  

So we interpret a Mjolnir as Epiphany or Insight.  What others call a “Sesquisquare” (the arms of a Mjolnir) we call a Trioctile.  The Eighth Harmonic is about bringing things back into Balance, and the Third Harmonic is about Compassion.  An intelligent view of Health considers Disease to be one of the Body’s ways to restore Balance.  So yes, a Thor’s Hammer could feel uncomfortable, as it brings Imbalance into our Awareness.

The focus of this week’s Mjolnir is Pluto – Transformation, and the base comprises Venus and Astraea – Values and Innocence.  With Pluto we don’t get to choose whether to be Transformed, but we get to influence how we get our Trance Reformed.  Venus is in Gemini (finding our Values to be Flexible, especially Values based on Experiences that we’ve outgrown) and Astraea is in Virgo (Who, Me?).  We summarize Pluto in Capricorn as “Just Fix It.”  Behind Astraea stands the Royal Star Regulus.  Regulus promises success but warns us to eschew Revenge.

We don’t believe it’s a coincidence that Vesta (Unconscious Beliefs) Initiates Venus two days after the Jupiter-Saturn Square, and Orcus (Oath-Breaking) Initiates Astraea a week after.  We can easily consider the Mjolnir to be Pluto to Venus-Vesta-Sun and Astraea-Orcus.  Orcus is about Punishing Oath-Breakers – the Guilt we feel when we betray an ancient Trust such as our promise to Mom that we’d never do that.  Once we realize that we’ve outgrown that Oath/Mask, our Values Change.  And while our initial reaction may be “Who, Me?” as we’re shocked to find our Identity bound up to such ancient Trusts, the result is Liberation and greater Yintegrity.

The Vesta-Venus Initiation occurs 28 May at 6 Gemini, “Workers drilling for oil: The avidity for that knowledge which insures wealth and power.”  The Orcus-Astraea Initiation is 3 June at 7 Virgo, “A harem: A fateful subservience to the vagaries or desires of the emotional nature.”  While Rudhyar’s Spiritual (and Patriarchal) orientation gives secondary priority to the “emotional nature,” our Integrative orientation regards it as the Ground of our Intuition and Guidance, though of course it can overwhelm us at times, as can any other of our Channels.  So we interpret Orcus-Astraea as Liberation of our Innocence so we’re more able to pursue our Deepest Desires.

The two Initiations of course Square one another – Mastery through Challenge.  Liberation of our Innocence so we’re more able to pursue our Deepest Desires Challenges our Values, especially those still tied to Unconscious Beliefs.  If we see the Vesta-Venus Initiation as part of what Jung read as an Innate Unconscious Drive toward Wholeness (which increases real wealth and power, not just material wealth and power), then yes, there is enormous opportunity here for “violent” inner turmoil, as our Reality is twisted to embrace what “breaks all the rules you learned in school,” as Gracie put it.  

With Regulus involved, it’s important to remember that those who bound us to Limiting Oaths – including our historical children and Parallel Selves – were doing the best they could to keep us Safe.  Sarcasm and bitterness will not serve us.

So, we would expect Irruptions from the Deeps in circumstances like this – where is OR10?  “Coincidentally,” it’s busy Initiating Pallas (Boundaries), Opposite the Orcus-Astraea Initiation and Regulus – creating a T-Square focused on the Vesta-Venus Initiation.  So yes, sharply and possibly shockingly shifting Boundaries would accompany big Changes in our Values and our Loyalties.  The OR10-Pallas Initiation occurred on 14 May at 4 Pisces, “Heavy car traffic on a narrow isthmus linking two seashore resorts: The mobility and intensity of interchanges which make possible and characterize complex social processes.

Oh, and by the way, OR10 is Stationary, turning Retrograde on 29 May.  So we probably won’t feel “the end of this” once the Jupiter-Saturn Square is over on 26 May.  Just more explication of the transition to the new Eris-Uranus Cycle. 

Now, our Deepest Desires would have been explored long ago if they weren’t shrouded with some sort of prohibition.  Which brings us to the question, Where’s Ixion here? as our Forbidden Genius seems likely to be involved somehow, with Orcus Liberating our Innocence, Pluto Transforming our Values, OR10 haranguing our Boundaries, Regulus promising success, and the South Node heading up a Kite based on a Pluto-Mercury-Jupiter/North Node Grand Trine in the Earth (Manifestation into Form) Signs.  

Ixion’s making a Grand Trine with the imminent Eris-Uranus Initiation and with the asteroid Sappho – Self-Love.  It’s also being Squared by Chiron, making an Ixion-Square-Chiron-Quincunx-Sappho-Trine-Ixion Major Tricolor.  In other words, the key to this whole complex may be to sit with the likes of 

I Wonder what sort of Changes in my Worldview might Liberate my Orphaned Genius and Effortless success in all my endeavors. 

Not a Question seeking an Answer, but a Koan inviting Intuitions.  Inviting Epiphanies, in fact, shocking bolts of Lightning that obliterate Obstacles and turn our World upside down for the better.  If the mind drops into analysis, Change the Subject.

No Medical History

May 2, 2016

Okay, so “where does Eris seem to be leading me next?”  What Masks are being pulled upon for me?  

Well, about 45 years ago I realized that dentistry was a treadmill that required more effort than payoff, and about 35 years ago I discovered that mainstream medicine wasn’t worth the money either.  Originally, I just didn’t want to devote my Life to buying someone else a new Mercedes every few years, without getting much in return.  As the years have gone by, I’ve seen many more reasons to eschew for-profit medicine and its master Big Pharma, particularly where it does more harm than good in the name of quarterly profits, inflated Lifestyles, and vested interests.

So a week ago, I woke up with a swollen face and neck from an infected tooth.  I’ve been through several abscesses, Healing them with other means, but never anything like this.  Plus, it freaked out my wife.  So we went to her dentist.  Turns out that sort of swelling can close the windpipe without much notice, so I ended up spending the weekend in the hospital getting a course of IV antibiotics and steroids.  After a third of a century of abstinence, stepping into the dental, mainstream medicine, and pharmaceutical worlds in one leap was certainly a huge Ego Death.

But it didn’t feel like it.  There was no clinging, no hesitation, no doubt.  My traditional self-Healing methods weren’t working, it felt like something I couldn’t just tolerate or adapt to, and, just one “easy” step after another, here I was in the hospital sucking up the drugs that destroy the first third of one’s immune system.  Of course I was hyperalert for the many unnecessary doctor visits and irrelevant tests that you read about hospitals using to exploit the unwary, and ready to be defensive about my choices if they tried to “diagnose” me.  Diagnosis is a label with enormous baggage attached to it.

But it didn’t happen.  The tests and docs all seemed pretty central to the issue at hand, the people were very nice, mostly genuine, educated, caring, and sharp.  So there’s the first piece of Eris intel – that our Eridean edification may arrive through witnessing that our accustomed Judgments aren’t valid.  Our Judgments are certainly Limiting Beliefs.  And mainstream medicine is powerfully good at dealing with emergencies.

Turns out I’m healthier than I thought I was.  Doc after doc, nurse after nurse, most of them said something like “70-plus, no medical history, no medications, relatively good health – how do you do it?  I’m on four meds already in my 50s.”  By the third time, I realized it was a serious question, so I started answering.  I told them to look up Functional Medicine, whose creed is from Aristotle – “Let Food be thy Medicine, and Medicine be thy Food” – and of course why and how to avoid Glyphosate.   Many of them were already partway there in their personal Lives.  Functional Medicine is new, but I’ve been following its precepts pretty faithfully for 35 years.

There’s the second piece of Eris intel – that the World is educable.  I’m sure it will take a looong time before hospital “food” gets up to snuff – there was nothing on the menu that I could eat, even after they dismissed surgery and allowed that it was Safe for me to eat.  Even the Broth – they had no list of ingredients for it, it just “came in a pouch.”  So I got my first-ever two-day Fast, which was easy and felt good.  More potential Ego Bullets dodged.

Once I got out of the hospital I had to start thinking about having the tooth pulled, and a friend inadvertently reminded me that Mercury was about to go Retrograde.  I don’t usually worry much about Retrogrades, but then, I don’t sign a lot of contracts.  The timeliness of the reminder gave me pause.  I didn’t think it would be possible to get it out before Mercury went Retrograde; could I wait till after it turned Direct again?  I didn’t want to revisit it again and again.

Differences of opinion among the docs – some said no way to wait, some said finish the antibiotics first (I’m still on followup oral antibiotics).  The oral surgeon’s office said he was booked for the next three weeks – maybe waiting was my answer.  But the surgeon offered his consulting services two days after I got out of the hospital.  At the consultation he proposed pulling the tooth at 9:30am on 28 April.  Mercury turned Retro at 10:20am – problem solved.

And with it another piece of Eris intel – don’t waste your time trying to Do and Plan – go straight to PIAVA instead.  That one’s BIG.

Of course, now that I’ve had the offending tooth extracted and had to go two more days at home with only liquid Foods, I see that fasting isn’t as easy when you’re feeling better and surrounded by all of those tasty treats that dance and sing and wave their tentacles every time you walk by.  So now we’re getting in a little deeper with this fourth piece of Eris intel – I’m intellectually Conscious that I eat to dispel Anxiety, but I haven’t scratched the surface of the Emotional Discernment that will be necessary to Change that Pattern.

As I’ve said many times, the Noticing is the hardest part, the Acting differently will be a Challenge, but once the effort begins, the process is self-reinforcing.  So it’ll probably be easier than I imagine.  But this use of Food for Emotional Control, rather than Nutrition or Celebration, certainly qualifies as one of those things that “we will discover in the way of unknown Beliefs, or long-standing Limits that we’ve misinterpreted as Irritations or social norms, and which are likely to come into Focus as Self-Sabotage.”  And that we’ll be clinging to, in an addictive sense.

Multiple personalities – the folks who have cancer in one personality and not in another, for instance – is a heavier situation than most of us are in.  But we all have multiple subpersonalities that may relate to each other only in passing.  In some mind-spaces I have no difficulty at all passing up a candy bar – why would I want to do that to myself?  In other spaces, it’s Sure, I can do that!  In yet others it’s Whoa, have you tried that new Ocho Dark Coffee organic-chocolate organic-coffee bar?  It’s incredible!  

These three people kinda know each other, but not well.  It’s almost as if they’re independent of the overall director of the Vehicle.  They kind of take turns running the show, and when one is in charge, the others may be distant witnesses, but it almost seems like they don’t care.  Of course tooth pain calls forth sub #1 (why would I do that to myself?) fairly reliably, because the negative feedback is immediate.

The fifth potential Ego hit will be around how to pay the hospital bills when they arrive.  And I can see another, sixth piece of Eris intel – once I’m back on my feet, will I withstand the pressure to give in to the dental treadmill?  I’ve yet to see dentistry really working – they wail on your mouth and checkbook, and the only result is that they want to see you again in three months, or sooner.  Or will I submit eagerly, if I can scrounge up the money, because it might seem easier than self-Healing?

Time will tell about this one.  The Eris-Uranus Initiation is still a month off.  We don’t know what will Change, or how we’ll Change.

Lifespan of an Ego

April 26, 2016

The big event here is a Retrograde Station of asteroid Lachesis (Lak’-e-sis) on 28 April.  The Mythological Lachesis was one of the three Fates, the one who measured the span of a Life.  I’m guessing you’ve recently been busy revising your estimates of how long you may Live.

In this Shadow Period (the span of a Retrogradation) between 22 Sagittarius and 4 Capricorn that lasts until early August, Lachesis backs over Quaoar (Law-Giver), Pholus (Responsibility), the Galactic Center (Headquarters) and Ixion (Abandoned Genius).  It’s already crossed them once, and it will cross them thrice before we’re done.  The first crossing is called a “Can-Opener” because it often opens a Can of Worms you hadn’t been thinking about.

  • The Lachesis-Ixion Can-Opener occurred on 27 February.  We were probably looking at Limitations in our Lives and Wondering how to Overcome them.
  • The Lachesis-Pholus Can-Opener happened on 11 March, and was probably about Realizations that we can no longer ignore certain Self-Sabotaging elements in our approach to Life.
  • The Lachesis-Quaoar Can-Opener was 18 March.  That was probably about revising our estimations of how long we can Survive on this Planet – collectively and individually – without extreme Changes to our Lifestyle and to our basic attitude toward the Soul of the Planet,

Check your journals.  The involvement of the Galactic Center makes these reconsiderations a great deal more consequential than they otherwise would be.  This section of the Zodiac – the end of Sagittarius – has been lit up strongly for several years, and not by accident.  This is the Scorpio zone (“Duad” in astrologuese) of Sagittarius, and the message is very clearly

What is it that I need to Let Go of, but which I’m clinging to so tightly?

It’s past time, Change is afoot, and your old approach won’t work any more, no matter how well it’s served you over the years.  Ask yourself that question, and reconsider the answer you’ve already rejected.  Or, if that’s not clear as a bell, omit the question mark and make it a Wondering, surrendering the question to your Intuition.  That’s a better approach anyway.

The Bottom Line is that it IS possible for us to reboot our Civilizations.  But we have to Listen to what’s really going on instead of gripping our Denial, we need to be Proactive about the Changes we need to make, and we need to Respect one another’s Unique Contributions, Trusting that their Intuition is correct for them, no matter how dumb it looks to us.  We look just as dumb to them, and ALL Contributions are necessary.

We could easily encounter major Ego Deaths here.  Remember to translate “It feels like I’m DYING!” to  “It feels like I’M dying.”  We cannot differentiate between “us” and our Ego – Ego Are Us.  So of course an Ego Death feels like a Physical Death.  But you’ll have thousands of Ego Deaths for every Physical Death, and the faster you can recognize that happening, the sooner you can begin constructively building a new Ego.  They aren’t optional.

When we talk about Ego we aren’t talking about being Selfish or Self-Absorbed.  We’re talking about our basic Survival Instinct.  We need enough Selfishness and Self-Absorption to keep ourself Safe, and to make sure that we always see ourselves as Worthy of Safety and Survival.  Those are critical distinctions; whenever you sense any Unworthiness in yourself around Safety and Survival, it’s a red flag to get Selfish and Self-Absorbed.  It’s not optional.

Lachesis has been within one Degree of its Station – in other words, basically Standing Still and therefore Strong – since 10 April.  If you aren’t a different person now than you were on 9 April, you will be soon.  Take it as an Opportunity.

Mercury is also turning Retrograde on 28 April.  It backs over asteroid Vesta (Unconscious Beliefs), giving us the opportunity to become Aware of our Limiting Beliefs.  Awareness is a prerequisite to Change.  Mercury’s Shadow Period is 15-24 Taurus and 28 April-22 May.  This section of Taurus (Scorpio through Aquarius Duads) is about re-examining what we’ve been Creating, and adapting it to the Good of All.  We can no longer afford Competition, lest we All go down fighting with one another.  Everything we do must now be Collaborative, and directed toward Sustainability.