Archive for the ‘Trauma’ Category

Stalking II

April 9, 2016

I believe it’s important to keep in mind that the Patriarchy is dying.  Unfortunately, these kinds of thing aren’t unique to the demise of the Patriarchy, but what we want to Visualize is Women, Together, Walking in Beauty, Secure in their Selfhood and their Right to be Safe and Present and Unapologizing for Who they Are, chins neither lowered nor raised, spines straight, shoulders squared, so that no Woman is ever Alone, Ever, always embedded in this Energy of quiet Power and Strength.  

Ready to become very noisy Power at a moment’s notice.  Men joining them in collaboration, and the men that are too threatened by this Energy isolated and cowering in Fear as the Energy rises, running for their lives.  A tsunami of this Energy crashing over the walls of the Olde Boy hangouts with all of their Sanctioned and Unsanctioned criminality, their Slaves and Bitches rebelling.  Here’s Shonda Rhimes’s story about the progression of Power in one arena (Year of Yes, pp.171-3)…

“This moment right here, me standing up here all brown with my boobs and my Thursday night of network television full of women of color, competitive women, strong women, women who own their bodies and whose lives revolve around their work instead of their men, women who are big dogs?  That could only be happening right now…

“Fifteen years ago… there’d have been maybe a few women in Hollywood [with decision power].  And a lot of D girls and assistants who were gritting their teeth and working really hard…

“Thirty years ago… maybe there’d be a thousand secretaries fending off their handy bosses back at the office and about two women in Hollywood in this room [at a Women of Power award ceremony].  And if I were here, I would be serving these two women breakfast.

“Fifty years ago, if women wanted to gather in a room … well, it better be about babies or charity work.  And the brown women would be in one room over there and the white women in another room over here.

“From then to now … we’ve all made such an incredible leap.”

“This?  Was a group effort.”

There is Movement.  Without relaxing Vigilance, we need to recognize that there has been Progress.  Shonda’s talking specifically about Dynamic Power, but her industry is about Creativity, which doesn’t happen without Magnetic Power.  She’s talking about the Dynamic Power which makes room for fully respected Magnetic Power.

The Stationary Chariklo is at the focus of a Yod (Pay Attention!) based on a Hopi-Asbolus Sextile (Knowing Intuitively who we can Trust), and it’s Trine-Bridges (provides a shortcut to) an Asbolus (Intuition) T-Square (Mastery through Challenge) across the Orcas-Nessus/OR10 Opposition (Irrupted Memories of Oaths Against Abuse)…

The suggestion is that our Intuition flows when our chins are neither lowered nor raised, our spines are straight, and our shoulders squared.  Have we made Oaths to Abandon ourself because we thought we’d be Safer that way?  Maybe it’s time to vacate those Oaths, to Revert!

Which Configuration produces a Major Orcus-Square-Asbolus-Quincunx-Chariklo-Trine-Orcus Tricolor (I Wonder if I can get Clearer about which Oaths may be sabotaging me, by Standing Tall) and a Minor Nessus/OR10-Square-Asbolus-Quincunx-Chariklo-Sextile-Nessus/OR10 Tricolor (I Wonder if Standing Tall will help me deal with these Memories of Abuse).

Wondering if Standing Tall will help us see what Promises we need to Vacate and how to Respond to our Memories.  Not the kind of Wondering that requests an Answer or Solution, a permanent sort of Wondering, a Surrender of Control.  Followed by Changing the Subject – moving on to deal with other issues that can divert the mind – while we make space for our Intuition to speak to us.  

If we don’t otherwise engage the mind, we cannot break through to a new Way of Seeing the World, the Way we’ll need in the future.  The old Oaths and Promises we made have probably been long lost in the Unconscious, and were probably made to help us Survive in the face of someone Abusing their Power over us.  We may be spontaneously re-experiencing the original sources of the PTSD we’ve been pretending we weren’t afflicted by. 

The Chariklo-Stationary chart features a strong Shamanic Kite Configuration – Mars (Action) Biseptile Chiron-South Node (Past-Life Despair) Septile Mercury (Awareness) Septile Moon (Instinct) Triseptile Mars, which creates a Mars Septile Yod on a Mercury-Moon base.  The Seventh-Harmonic Septile series of Angles are about Timing the use of Power – about Acting only when the moment of Greatest Power arrives, and prior to that building up our Energy to provide maximum thrust at that moment of Greatest Power.

There is a strong Call to Action, a Call to Act differently this time, than we Acted at the time we made our original Oath.  There’s also the suggestion that in the Present Moment we’re actually Safer than we Feel ourselves to be – what we Feel is Memories of past Abuse.  In the Present Moment we have immensely more Power than we had then, and we need to Ground ourself and be Present with our Power, rather than letting ourself Regress to the situations where we had no Power.  Shonda again (op cit pp.64-5)…

“Power posing like Wonder Woman is when you stand up like a badass – legs in a wide stance, chin up, hand on your hips.  Like you own the place.  Like you have on magical silver bracelets and know how to use them.  Like your superhero cape is flapping in the wind behind you.

“I’m not just some dork telling you to pretend to be Wonder Woman.  It’s a real thing.

“My online network tells me to power pose like Wonder Woman and reminds me of the actual studies that say that power posing like Wonder Woman for five minutes not only improves self-esteem but even hours later improves how others perceive you.  Let me say that again.

Standing around like Wonder Woman in the morning can make people think you are amazing at lunchtime.”

“(You don’t believe me?  Watch the TED Talk.)”

http://video.ted.com/talk/podcast/2012G/None/AmyCuddy_2012G-480p.mp4

Hylonome New Moon

April 4, 2016

While the New Moon occurs at half-past 4am PDT on 7 April at 19 Aries, the highlight will be a Station of Centaur Hylonome at 10pm PDT 6 April, at 5 Capricorn.  Hylonome is another one of those Archetype-busting Ego-Deathing dwarf planets, so if you get caught up in one of those hypercurrents, remember to Celebrate the Liberation you’re receiving after spending who knows how many Lifetimes as a Slave to some Self-Sabotaging Oath you made who knows how many eons ago to try to protect yourself from what was then a serious threat to your continued Survival.  And 19 Aries is cozied right up to Uranus, representing our True Self, who will much prize the Liberation, believe me!

The overall New Moon chart is quite auspicious, so the deeper you descend into TraumaDrama on the 6th, the more Ecstasy you’re likely to find on the 7th.

The New Moon-Uranus Stellium includes by extension Eris and Veritas (that is, while Eris-Veritas is more than three Degrees from the New Moon, it’s within three Degrees of Uranus, which is within two Degrees of the New Moon – New Moon 19 Aries, Uranus 21, Eris 22, Veritas 24).  Uranus-Eris-Veritas Opposes Haumea at 23 Libra, which is in turn only a little more than two Degrees from Lilith (at 25).  

This Opposition (New Moon-Uranus-Eris Opposite Haumea for the least Sensitive among us, and New Moon-Uranus-Eris-Veritas Opposite Haumean-Lilith for the more Sensitive) makes a Quincunx Bridge to the Nodal Opposition, with Chiron still close to the South Node, and a Trine Bridge to the Opposition between dwarf planet Chaos and the Saturn|Ixion Midpoint (Saturn’s at 17 Sagittarius, Ixion at 25).  Complicated I know, but the result is a Golden Rectangle intersecting a Grand Cross, which we can interpret at Hypercompetence.  

The corners shared by the Grand Cross and Golden Rectangle are Chaos and Saturn|Ixion, signifying…

Unlimited Potential will result from Paying Attention to our Abandoned Genius – only our Limiting Beliefs will keep us from Soaring.

The free corners of the Grand Cross are the Nodes and Chiron, while the free corners of the Golden Rectangle are New Moon-Uranus-Eris and Haumea.  Oh, and by the way, Jupiter Biquintiles New Moon-Uranus!  In other words…

We have an enormous opportunity to Let Go of Discouragement, Rebirth ourselves into Honest Intimacy with our True Soul Self, and leap forward into our Mission for the Lifetime.  Don’t worry if you’re unsure of exactly where your Mission lies, just Follow Your Bliss.  Now, if the only thing that will hold us back is our Limiting Beliefs, what can we do about those?

Vesta (Unconscious Beliefs) still Opposes Juno (the Edges of Consciousness), with Sappho (Self-Love) T-Squaring them…

So we have a fabulous Opportunity to Master our Limiting Beliefs, by moving toward non-Judgment.  Sappho represents Singing the Praises of Love, and in her original form, it was Lesbian Love.  

So imagine (whether you’re in a boybod or a girlbod) seeing your Inner Female in the Mirror, and walking right through the glass to first Hug, and then Merge with Her.  Take a few steps while Merged with Her.  The “two” of you occupy the same space, but She is backwards relative to “you” – Her left foot moves backward as your right foot moves forward, and Her right arm swings forward as your left arm swings backward.  If you practice holding this dual Consciousness for a few minutes once or twice a day for a while (it’s not easy), pretty soon you’ll start seeing out of the eyes in the back of your head – a whole new level of meaning for “Feminine Intuition.”  As a bonus, you’ll also gain a better physical metaphor for Parallel Lives.

A T-Square may be Mastery, but it’s Mastery through Challenge.  We’re already Challenging our Homophobia, but what else might behoove us?

Well, Jupiter and Neptune both Trine-Bridge the Sappho T-Square.  Jupiter is four Degrees from an exact Opposition to Neptune, but otherwise they form a second Golden Rectangle.

Vive la Ressemblance.  We need to Allow our Identity to Expand, Embrace our Confusion, Surrender Control, and Trust the Process.  Actually, not that hard, once you’re Aware that it needs to be done.  Yes, it could disrupt “business as usual” in your Life this week, but you won’t regret the interruption.

Emotion and Trauma

November 24, 2015

Emotions are not an Energy to be Controlled, they’re an Energy to be Respected and Listened to.  Without our Emotions we couldn’t keep ourself Safe, we couldn’t find Community, we couldn’t Transition from one Life phase to another.  Emotion becomes a problem when it Overwhelms all of our other Media.  We’re awakened in the middle of the night by a noise in the house, and our Body is overcome by Fear.  We become Ungrounded, and the mind is only useful for trying to figure out what the noise was and how much time we have to escape before being hacked to death by the neighborhood Samurai.  

Compared to our normal State of Being, and compared to being Grounded and Centered, our Experience of our Body is entirely different when Fear grips it.  In that kind of circumstance, we want to suppress our Fear Reaction just enough to Recover all of our other Senses, so we can be fully Present for attending to any danger that may actually befall us.  In other circumstances, Fear or Anger or Grief may grip us, but our Experience of our Body isn’t Overwhelmed.  Instead, our mind is Overwhelmed by Anxiety or Worry or Hypervigilance.  Actually, in many Experiences of that sort, our Sense of our Body may actually be very different – but our Anxiety is taking up so much bandwidth that we don’t even know what our Body Feels like.

Then there is Trauma and its aftereffects, situations where we are definitely not in the Present Moment, but reliving a segment of our Trauma.  We can’t Judge Trauma objectively; we can’t say whether we should or shouldn’t have been Traumatized when Ms. Grundy shamed us in front of the class, or we fell off that roof, or Uncle Fred slapped us for farting during Thanksgiving dinner, or the Nightly News comes on.  Or worse.  Trauma Reactions are subjective.  They depend on our State of Being as much as the exterior stimuli, and not in any predictable way.  The difficulty with Trauma is that it keeps on giving.

When a Present-Moment situation triggers a memory of part of our stored Trauma, we React as if we were in the middle of the Trauma, when it occurred.  And it occurs on the Unconscious level, so we don’t know that we’re not in the Present Moment.  Until we notice that the cars don’t have tail-fins, or that we aren’t in the jungle or the desert, or that the wallpaper is a different color.  Drunk drivers kill more people every week than were killed in Paris, and in the US allopathic medicine kills more people in two hours.  But we don’t notice that, because the Paris attacks trigger different stored Traumas.  Unless it was our own family or friends that were killed by drunk drivers or allopathic medicine.

Gilles gives us an interesting Perspective from stage right…

https://sailingondreams.wordpress.com/2015/11/22/slippery-ice/

And Donna taps Dawson Church for a thorough Tapping sequence that can probably be adapted for dealing with any resurrections of Trauma…

http://innersource.net/em/article/468-resources/1173-tapping-script-for-incomprehensible-tragedy.html

It’s an excellent example of the form Tapping can take when it’s taken seriously – as it deserves to be.  Many people say “Oh I tried Tapping and it didn’t work,” but I question whether they’ve tried it to this extent.

I remember lifting my head at the wrong time while crawling under a table, and after I Recovered my sense of Self, making an Oath never to let myself be unaware of my surroundings like that again.  I was probably about nine.  Some of our Traumas came with Oaths, and some didn’t.  When Mother Shamed us we may have Sworn never to let anyone see that we were Shamed, in hopes that they’d lose interest if they didn’t see a result.  Or maybe an Oath never to get caught doing that again.  We make Oaths like this fairly often, usually without considering the context and unintended consequences.  Each one becomes a Limiting Belief, mostly Unconscious, and constrains our Future.

You’d think that if I decided I wanted to, I could bang my head on the underside of a table all I wanted, and that’s probably true, though you’d also think I’d be old enough to know better.  But what about other situations where I don’t want to be hypervigilant about my surroundings.  Suppose I want to relax my Boundaries so the Birds in the Garden can come speak to me.  Or I want to avoid jerking my head when I see something move out of the corner of my eye, because when I do that I’ll never make contact with the Sylph there.  It’s much harder to downshift from the unintended consequences of our Oaths, and in fact often very difficult to connect our current Limiting Beliefs to our historical Oaths, because our vision doesn’t penetrate the Veil.

Oaths are declarations of Intention – PIAVAs, and to reverse them we need a reverse PIAVA – an AVIAP if you will.  If “I Intend to reverse the Oath that Separates me from connecting with the Critters and the Faeries,” then I’ll need to Change the Subject and Pay Attention this time.  I may need to Pay Attention not to hit my head, if indeed this is the Oath that applies here.  The adage, “Be Careful what you Ask For” very much applies here.  When we PIAVA or make an Oath, we’re calling Energy out of the Ethers and coaxing it into Form.  In some circles, all broken Oaths must be Punished.  If we’re dealing with an Oath that severely Limits us, we may want to Celebrate this Punishment!

Supposed for instance in our youth we Vowed not to Cause Trouble, however it was that our Significant Adults at the time defined “Cause” and “Trouble.”  We could easily have made such an Oath because we were tired of being Punished by them, even though their definition of Trouble never made sense in our own playbook.  Well, now that we’re compelled to Open up to our Pathological Genius, we may need to “Cause Trouble,” in many ways by many definitions.  Pathological Genii are Disrupters, and Disrupters Cause Trouble for the Status Quo.  When we make an Oath to accept the Trouble that our Pathological Genius will create, our Psyche will Punish us, because in making our original Oath we were Merged with our then-Significant Adults.  

They’re no longer around, but a portion of our own Unconscious carries their Energy, and fills in for them.  If you think they no longer have Control over us because we’ve “grown up,” try going home to their house for a few days.  That self-administered Punishment may just take the form of Anxiety, or appear in the form of “Accidents,” like my bumping my head.  Or worse.  Remember how Confusion is good because it’s the first stage of Growth?  Well, maybe we need to adopt the same approach to Anxiety and Accidents.  Oh, there’s Anxiety!  I must be Breaking Through a Limiting Belief!  “I Wonder what Limiting Belief this Anxiety is connected to!” (that’s a PIAVAW).  Curiosity about these Realms will help us untangle ourselves from the Archetypes and Oaths that structure our Personal Unconscious.  The more we know about that, the better.

All that just to introduce a Full Moon.  Well, not just a Full Moon, because Wednesday’s Full Moon is intimately connected to Thursdays Saturn-Neptune Square.  And once we get beyond that, the predominant Energy is that of the dwarf planet Orcus.  Orcus is the Punisher of Broken Oaths.  But we’re Learning to Recognize this Punishment as an early stage in the process of Letting Go of Restraints, Celebrate it, and Study it to understand as many of its ramifications as we can.  So we can PIAVA that our Punishment be mild and relatively obvious in how it’s Connected to what Oath or Archetype that we’re betraying, and that we notice the Connections.  The Unconscious is our Ally here, and need never be otherwise.  Since it’s in Control of our Life 99% of the time, it behooves us to befriend it.

The Full Moon Sun is Conjunct Saturn, so Neptune, Square to Saturn, T-Squares the Full Moon.  But the Stationary Orcus Opposes Neptune, so the Full Moon makes a Grand Cross with the Neptune-Orcus Opposition and the Saturn-Neptune Square.

There is Powerful Medicine here to Manifest a Reality that’s more to our liking and closer to our Heart’s Desire, based on the Limiting Beliefs we’re Releasing and the Freedom that results.

The only Grace Blessing the Grand Cross is Mars Conjunct Makemake, which Trine-Bridges the Full Moon and Quincunx-Bridges the Neptune-Orcus Opposition,

There are also very strong Insights available over the next few weeks, about how to increase our Yintegrity, and how to Enjoy doing it. 

Venus and Uranus Oppose one another at the far midpoints of the Moon-Neptune Square and the Sun-Orcus Square, respectively.  The result is two interlocking Mjolnirs on the opposite sides of the Grand Cross.

There’s more.  The Saturn Square will shake loose additional Unconscious Contents, and they will irrupt to seriously Confuse and torture us with rampant Feelings that make no sense whatsoever in our current Concept of how Reality is assembled.  Confusion!  Wow, we’re about to make leaps and bounds in our understanding of how Reality works, and this Confusion is just the first step.  Time for Celebration!  It already Feels like we’re drunk, so we may as well make it so.  But not while we’re driving – driving is dangerous enough in our Confused State.

Dwarf planet 2007 OR10 (Revelation of Unconscious Contents) is close enough to Neptune to be considered Conjunct for many purposes, and thus Opposite the Stationary dwarf planet Orcus.