“Dark Days” 7

Okay, the Pluto Station has passed under the bridge and moved on down the River, though as I said earlier, it may linger because the three Stations (Pluto, Chariklo, Saturn) are only a few Degrees apart.  I used to Experience Pluto Stations as though I was “swimming through Jello,” but lately, while there’s a good deal of momentary Confusion, it’s been Feeling fairly ordinary.  Anyone finding Differently?

So to the extent that Pluto has moved on, we’re left in the Thick of Chariklo-Saturn-South Node, or Confidence-Attention-Karma.  Or, The Most Important Thing is to Stay in the Present Moment, or to Distinguish between the Present Moment and our Regressions.  One downside I’d not be Surprised to see is that our Karma will shake up our Confidence, and we’d be swimming in Self-Doubt instead of Jello, or worse, in Self-Recrimination.  Whenever the South Node is lit up – or asteroid Karma, or our Karma for any reason, astrological or otherwise, most of what we Experience will be Illusion.

We could easily be imagining the worst Outcome possible, then when something appears to move in that direction, we jump to the conclusion that it already, indeed, has.  For instance, if we’re thinking about how a friend might Abandon us, or thinking about Abandoning them, and they make a comment that might be interpreted as Criticism, even if it wasn’t meant that way, we could Receive their comment as the very Abandonment we’d been Expecting, and React accordingly, leaving our former friend wondering what happened.

That’s a good example, as it Illustrates how we grasp our Karma rather than the other way ’round.  Of course the critical element is the Depth of our Karmic Trance – that’s what Karma is after all, a Trance, one that Separates us from the Present Moment.

Pluto of course is all about Trance – we usually express it as a Transformation, or Formation of a New Trance.  The key to Karma is Awareness that we’ve Left the Present Moment.  Back in the 1980s we would ask ourselves, “What color is the wallpaper?” because if it was not the same as the wallpaper in the room where we were Abused, just that had the potential to jolt us out of our Unconscious Surrender to our Regression.

So with Pluto Involved (it’s still Involved even as its Influence lessens), our odds of Transforming our Karmic Trance into Awareness are actually greater.

The Karmic Trance can be very all-consuming Emotionally.  If we Hear someone Criticizing us or otherwise Shaking our Confidence, it may not matter what their Intentions are, it may Light a Fire in us that’s not easily extinguishable.

Everyone has some degree of Karmic Abandonment, and everyone has some degree of Karmic “Suffocation” – the Feeling that someone is watching us too closely, waiting for us to slip up, eager to label us Wrong, or itching Limit our Freedom.  The Libertarians carry their Suffocation to Extremes, and are proud of it.  Often, for each of us, either Abandonment or Suffocation dominates, but we can be Strong in both.  By Distinguishing when we’re Feeling Abandoned and when we’re feeling Suffocated, we up the odds that we’ll be able to recognize that it’s Our Abandonment and Our Suffocation.

When we Own these two Emotions, we can more easily Differentiate situations where we’re Being Abandoned or Suffocated, from situations where we’re Feeling Abandoned or Suffocated.  If we can do that, we up the odds that we can retract our Projections – rather than Feel Criticized and clam up, we might ask what the other person meant when they said that.  Of course, just because we’re Feeling Abandoned or Suffocated, doesn’t mean we aren’t also Being Abandoned or Suffocated – “Just because I’m Paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get me,” as we used to say.

But Recognizing these Feelings will help you decipher whether the Emotion and the Experience match in Intensity.  When they don’t, we’re either Tranced into our Karma, (when the Emotion is much more Intense than the Experience) and need to Wake Up, or we’re looking into the open jaws of a Held Emotion – that is, Tranced into Avoiding our Karma (when the Emotion is much less Intense than the Experience).  While Avoiding Karma may feel like Success, it’s not.  It means that our Karma is hiding in the Unconscious, where it’s pulling our puppet-strings.

One of the hardest things about Held Emotions is that they’re undercover.  Since we’d rather Die than Feel them, we’re highly Skilled at Avoiding them.  The Ego’s job is to keep us Alive, and if the Ego thinks we’ll Die, it’s going to Excel at Avoiding that situation.  So if we can Detect a clue to a Held Emotion by Arbitraging our Experiences and our Emotions instead of just Freaking Out, then thinking in terms of Abandonment and Suffocation will have done you a solid.

In a way it’s like your Study of Anxiety – where you’re Learning to distinguish between your fast-moving Emotions (a la Goofy) and your drudging thoughts about them (aka Anxiety).

And don’t forget Poor-Sweetheart.  Poor-Sweethearting a Real Emotion or a fake one can Feel like Avoidance, but it’s not.  Once you Empathize with what you’re really Experiencing or Feeling, you’ve already Changed the Trance.  When you then Successfully Change the Subject, you Step Out of your Karmic Trance, and every time you Step Out you build your Antikarmic Muscles.  Pretty soon you have a whole new set of Patterns.

Consciousness of Self

Sai Baba, channeled by Jahn Kassl, has an important message for us about our Self-Sovereignty, Self-Love, Abandonment, and Suffocation…

“Neither react to praise nor to criticism!  Just say: I know who I am…

“As long as you react to encouragement or rejection with an inner emotional outburst you remain the slave of your fellow human beings.”

https://lichtweltverlag.at/en/2018/03/25/becoming-insusceptible-to-praise-and-criticism/

The rest is well worth reading.

4 July IV – Embracing Paradox

We’ll talk a lot more about that complex Sedna-Square-Nodes chart (https://astrobuss.wordpress.com/2017/06/25/4-july-iii/) between now and 4 July.  But there are two simultaneous charts that are also important .  One is the chart of the Sappho and Klotho Stations… 

• The Sappho (Self-Love) Station is Exact at 2pm PDT 3 July in 15 Scorpio
• The Klotho (Initiating a New Timeline) Station at 9am PDT 4 July at 11 Scorpio 
• The Sedna-Nodes Square is Exact late morning 4 July, and the Moon completes the Grand Cross at 3pm PDT 4 July, in 27 of the Fixed Signs 

And the other chart, which we’ll also talk about later, is the Station of Haumea (Rebirth) at 9pm PDT 6 July, in 23 Libra.

While the Stations may not seem simultaneous, in the three-day span between 2pm PDT 3 July and 9pm PDT 6 July, Sappho, Klotho, and Haumea move less than two Arcminutes.  The Full Moon as seen from your house appears to be more than fifteen times as wide as that distance.  In other words, while the Exact Stations may be several hours apart, the planets are all simultaneously Standing Still, or very close to it.

Given this collection of simultaneous Stations, another Big Rebirth is the obvious Order of the Day, and it seems that we’re likely to be Choosing to be Reborn into another Life of Fear, or one where we’ve Let Go of Fear, replacing it with Love or Curiosity.  The Stations deserve, and will get, their own posts, but it’s very relevant in the context of this Rebirth to consider the two Yin Gates that appear on the graph in the previous post.  They’re…

• Sedna Opposite Moon, splitting the Golden Rectangle composed of Ceres, which is Out of Bounds (Strong Sustainability), Pandora (who deserves her own paragraph), Uranus-Eris (Yintegrity), and the Saturn-Ixion-Pholus-Quaoar-Galactic Center Stellium (The Most Important Thing here is to Follow the Command from Headquarters to Take Charge of Recovering our Forbidden Genius)
• Pandora Opposite Uranus-Eris, splitting the Golden Rectangle of Sedna (Fear), Hopi (Respect for All Things), Moon (Manifestation), and Chiron-Lachesis (Choosing between Enduring or Transforming Pain)

The Sedna-Moon Yin Gate is drawn with heavy lines, and the remainder of the overlapping Pandora-Uranus/Eris Yin Gate in lighter lines. 

A Yin Gate is formed when an Opposition splits the short side of a Golden Rectangle.  The Golden Rectangle is drawn in blue; blue because it represents Grace, and Golden because the ratio between the lengths of the two sides is the Golden Angle of Sacred Geometry.  The Oppositions are shown in red (symbolizing Energy or Motivation).  The green lines represent Curiosity.  Curiosity, like Love, eschews Judgment, so we regard it as paramount.  The centerpiece of the Yin Gate is the pair of side-by-side green Xs or interlocking Curiosities.

The Moon moves quickly, so it will be within three Degrees of Sensitivity from its Sedna Opposition for only about twelve hours.  However, we’re talking about a major Rebirth, ie, a Birth, so eight Degrees of Sensitivity is more relevant; that’s more like 32 hours, or the majority of a day on either side of 3pm PDT 4 July.  The Exact Haumea Station falls outside that span, but the important thing is that during the span, Haumea is Stationary.  It means we get a day and a half to check for and correct Birth Defects between the Sedna-Moon Yin Gate and the Haumea Rebirth.

A Yin Gate is a Mystery School, the Objective of which is to Teach us that Paradox demonstrates to us the Inadequacy of our Dualistic orientation toward Life.  Real Life is replete with Contradictions, because Real Life is Unitary and Multifarious (the ultimate Paradox, so to speak), not Dual.  So Contradiction is a sandwich-board painted in big red letters, that says “Here Lies One of Your Limiting Beliefs.” 

However, we’re wearing the sandwich-board, so we can’t see what it says without a Mirror, and of course then it’s backwards.  Hence Blame and Judgment are born; since we can’t read our Limiting Belief, we accuse Other of hypocrisy, since they’re obviously Living a Contradiction.  A Yin Gate is simply a second Mirror that we can use, if we Choose, to view the backwards writing and Witness our Limiting Belief directly.

Okay, Pandora.  Remember that the primary purpose of the Greek Mythologizers was to refute the Matriarchy that was their Heritage, and replace it with the foundations of the Patriarchy.  No Blame, that kind of ping-pong is just what happens when we Live in Duality.  Having awoken one morning with the shocking Realization that they were all spawned by Women, they needed a Story to counteract that horrific Reality.  Hence, Pandora, the alleged first woman in their Mythos, and, appropriately for a Patriarchal if not downright Misogynistic Story line, she introduced Evil into the World, mostly in the form of Seduction.

It’s quite easy to find training in the Plan-Do-Study-Act Masculine or Dynamic Creation process.  Except as an adjunct to Power-Over Religions, it hasn’t been nearly as easy, till recently, to find training in the Feminine or Magnetic Creation process, or PIAVA and its variations.  It’s considered Magic, and to many, Magic is always Black.  That is, even without Patriarchal Intimidation and Bullying, we still labor under the Limiting Belief that the Feminine is “Evil.”  So we see asteroid Pandora as symbolizing the Choice to maintain or Clear that Belief.

The Moon, meanwhile, boasts three levels of Symbolism.  At the lowest level it represents variability, or our “Random” Emotions.  Once we stop including Intuition in the Evil category (as “inferior” to Logic, Heaven Forbid), however, those “Random” Emotions become Instincts, the second level.  If we’re attempting to Power-Over someone, we definitely see their Instincts toward Survival and Sovereignty as Evil.  The third level of the Moon is Manifestation.  Lunar Emotions are the Glue that holds Energy together into Matter and recognizable Form.  It’s not necessarily that the Moon Creates; the Moon symbolizes Creation, and specifically Magnetic Creation. 

So we have a training in the Paradoxical Relationships between Manifestation (Moon) and Fear (Sedna) and a cross-training (symbolized by the overlap between the two Yin Gates) in the Paradoxical Relationships between Yintegrity (Uranus-Eris) and Magnetism (Pandora).

For instance, if we’re in Yintegrity, we have no need for Manipulation and Guile, right?  Bullshit.  We were trained by the Patriarchs never to lie about chopping down Cherry Trees, but in fact, Truth is always on a Need-to-Know basis.  For one thing, we don’t owe them our Time, and most of all, we don’t want to cast our Pearls before Pink Animals (or any other color).  Quite simply, we demean ourself when we do that.  You don’t Teach children what’s not age-appropriate, and the same goes for Teaching adults what’s not maturity-appropriate or Spiritually-appropriate.  People need to earn your Trust.

And everyone knows that we can’t Manifest when we’re in Fear; we need to deal with the Fear before we can fuel our Manifestation Engine with the necessary Passion.  Again, Bullshit.  Fear is one of the more Passionate Emotions we can Feel, and what do we Create when in Fear?  More Fear.  It’s exponential.  Two units of unprocessed Fear Create four, and four units Create sixteen.

Are any of our Judgments not based on Fear?  Maybe “What Am I Afraid Of?” should be our Mantra, or “Who am I afraid of?”  Followed by  “How does that Mirror my Limiting Beliefs” or better yet, “I Wonder how that Mirrors my Limiting Beliefs” followed by Changing the Subject then Paying Attention (see https://astrobuss.wordpress.com/category/manifestation/piava-review/).  Once we Locate the Emotion of Fear in our Body, that’s behind the Fearsome or Anxious thoughts, several iterations of Tapping (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzVd6Ww0as4) usually resolves the Emotional Overload.  From there we can move toward Love or Curiosity, or simply move on to our next Fear.

There are two very special Fears that encompass a great deal of our Limiting Beliefs, and which especially hinder our Relationships.  These are Fear of Abandonment and Fear of Suffocation.  Most of us emphasize one or the other, though most commonly we have both.  These are both so ancient that they’re barely Personal, though we all have Personal Experience in our backgrounds to reinforce the Karma. 

No Huper Survives without Community.  To Fear that our Community (or our Partner, or our employer, or our family, or …) is Rejecting us, is to fall under the grip of the ancient Archetype of Abandonment.  We need to Learn where we Feel that in our Body, Lovingly and Gently Embrace it there, and become Ferociously Mindful for any thought that reinforces it, replacing it with a PIAVA that we find our Tribe, with its Unconditional Acceptance and Unfailing Protection.  Yes, no Protection is totally Unfailing, but we can PIAVA it – maybe that’s just a Limiting Belief.

Our Fear of Abandonment is one of the weaknesses that the Patriarchy uses, quite skillfully, to keep us under their thumbs.  And that’s our Fear of Suffocation, our Fear that someone will Control us and Prevent us from Exercising our True Self.  Fear of Suffocation is an Archetype as old as the Individual Soul.  I don’t encounter it as often as I encounter Fear of Abandonment, but it’s there, and it’s important to bring into Consciousness where it can be Transmogrified.

When we can replace “Don’t tell me what to do, you Bastard!” with “Oh, there’s my Suffocation Archetype again!” and replace “Shit, what if I get laid off?” with “Oh, there’s my Abandonment Archetype again!” we will regain a great deal of the Power we’ve been allowing our thoughts to drain out of us.  Next time you’re watching the News, or dealing with a difficult person who’s important in your Life, watch to see how many times these Archetypes arise.  That difficult person may not be draining your Power on purpose, but I can guarantee you that the News is.

Marilyn Raffaele has Channeled an Arcturian Teaching for us around Fear…

The original, which will move a few weeks from now: http://www.onenessofall.com/newest.html
A copy, which hopefully will not move: https://rainbowwaveoflight.wordpress.com/2017/06/25/arcturian-group-message-june-25-2017-marilyn-raffaele-onenessofall-com/

Excerpts follow…

“Dear ones, be not afraid of what you are seeing and hearing, for these are the symbols of a changing universe, the dying throes of old energy that is soon to become part of another world in which [those of] you who have chosen to awaken need not take part.  All have been given the choice to ascend.  Most are unaware of this, but on the deeper levels, everyone is choosing.

“[Do not] fear for or be concerned about family and friends who may be choosing not to awaken at this time.  Their Higher Self in its infinite wisdom may know that they need more three dimensional type experiences before they will be ready to leave them behind.  Every person will ascend into higher levels of awareness at some point in their journey, it is inevitable.  [Humanity’s] true nature is Divine and [it] is not meant to spend forever living the experiences of illusory beliefs.”

“True peace is a peace that the three dimensional state of consciousness knows nothing about and thus can never successfully create through treaties, wars, dominance, and punishment – ideas based in the sense of separation.  Because ‘peace’ created through these methods is based in duality and separation, sooner or later the ‘good side’ will flip to the ‘bad side,’ for the belief in duality always manifests as pairs of opposites.  Real peace can only manifest when the substance from which it is formed is present–consciousness.

“Peace is the natural expression of Love, the realization that all is ONE within the ONE.  Why would anyone want to hate, hurt, deceive, lie, kill, and make to suffer, itself?  It is only the dense energies of personal and collective unevolved states of consciousness that see power over others as an appropriate action to bring about peace.  Peace is the birthright of every person because it is the reality – globally and individually.”

“At this time there are many very evolved souls on earth, here to be examples to others as well as to add their Light to the collective.  They did not need to come in order to resolve karma or learn lessons of love, because they have already done this work on earth or on other planets.

“Seeing the need of humans for help at this powerful time of change, these souls lovingly chose to assist. You can see them in all walks of life doing seemingly ordinary things and will recognize them by a loving but often intense energy as they work to bring deeper awareness into situations where it is needed.  They are often intuitively felt as being powerful, but to human eyes look ordinary.

“Actions of love occur daily, but you are primarily served the negative from most news sites.  This is why it is important to limit your involvement in the news because it can easily pull you back into old energy.  It is fine to be aware of what is going on around you, but do not align with it.  It is the same idea as when you align with the energy of some low resonating person and then find yourself drained of energy, which is how the term ‘energy vampires’ came about.

“In all situations, and with all people, places, things, and events keep your energy field clear, filled with light, and not in alignment with any lower resonating energy that may be present.  Lower resonating energies have a sense of ‘heaviness’ about them which is easily felt in some places and with certain people.  Do not fear it for it has no power other than what you give it, but be aware of not aligning or identifying with it.  You may just choose to leave.”

“Up to this point, serious seekers have been allowed to continue in some of their old energy ways without much repercussion, but because the resonance of earth has become so much more rarified, everyone’s corners of belief are being swept out and the spiritual leash has become very short.

“Remember this when small events and actions once considered unimportant, start to feel very important and may even bring in a sense of guilt which you don’t understand.  This is because your energy field has become increasingly more attuned to the higher frequencies of Light, causing you to easily sense when you are out of alignment.”

Fear and Love

One of the fundamental principles of our Relationship to the Universe is that Fear is Cold and Hard, while Love is Warm and Soft.  Fear creates scar tissue, walling off Physical and Emotional Trauma into pockets that become Unconscious, or Denied.  Again, Denial is a healthy Response to Overwhelm, it’s just not the most Healing Response possible if we have options.  

Next time you scratch or cut or bruise yourself, watch closely how you React.  My “natural” (ie, Habituated) Reaction is to Psychically “seal off” the wound; is yours?  When I Consciously Choose to Open to it, Warm it (in my Imagination or Physically, putting my hand or a wrap on it), and Soften around it, I can Feel the Healing Energy start to flow.  Putting your hand on a wound, or if it reaches putting the wound to your Heart, adds Healing Energy directly.

In Relationship, including our Relationship with ourself, Fear Manifests as either Abandonment or Suffocation.  Some of us React primarily from Abandonment (our Hungry Ghost can’t get enough), some of us primarily from Suffocation (we back away from Love, we have difficulty Receiving), and most of us manage to React from our Abandonment at some times and from our Suffocation at other times.  It’s particularly Frustrating to Experience both at once.

Recognizing Abandonment and Suffocation day-to-day is a good way to Depersonalize the Heavy Emotions that arise in Relationships.  We can replace “Oh my God, they don’t Love me!”  with “Oh, there’s my Abandonment again.”  With a little practice it almost becomes “You poor Sweetheart, you’re Feeling your Abandonment again, aren’t you.”  And when someone is clinging to our coattails a little too tightly for our comfort, we can Recognize that they’re in their Abandonment and, recalling our own, we can be Kind to them without having to React or Pretend or call them a disfavored Body part.

Or, if someone is clinging to our coattails a little too tightly for our comfort, we can Recognize that we’re in our Suffocation, and loosen up a little.  Instead of snapping at them or being snitty, we can take a brief Time-Out and give ourself a quick “You poor Sweetheart, you’re Feeling Suffocated again, aren’t you” or even just a “Oh, there’s my Suffocation again.”  In a Relationship we want to keep and develop, this can make all the difference between their Experiencing us as Cold and Hard, or Experiencing us as Soft and Warm.

Practice this enough, and pretty soon we’re making Conscious Choices moment by moment about how permeable or impenetrable we want our Boundaries to be, tuning our Safety and Vulnerability to the situation at hand, rather than Reacting from the Unconscious Karmic Archetypes and Programmed Trances that previously ran our Life and Relationships.  

This is only one aspect of the Mystery School we’re all enrolled in.  It’s about earning our Self-Sovereignty through becoming Conscious of what we hadn’t Realized was Behavior Motivated by Fear.  Abandonment is Fear that we won’t get what we need.  Suffocation is Fear that we won’t have the space to be who we Really Are.  I’ll wager it won’t take you more than half a minute to see where Abandonment and Suffocation fit into your Relationship Patterns.

We can extend this to Abundance.  When we’re Feeling Scarcity, or Anxious about Survival, what happens when we say to ourself, “Oh, there’s my Abandonment again”?  The Patriarchal Culture programs us to think our Abundance is All Me, completely the result of my own Work or Smarts or Schmoozing.  It’s not.  Before the Lizards invented money, it was all about Community.  You could freeze to death, or starve all on your own, but you couldn’t do much else without your Community.  Outside the propaganda storm, it’s still that way.

Next time you catch yourself hating what you have to do to make money, tell yourself “Oh, there’s my Suffocation again.”  Very few of our Emotions are “Caused” by what the acculturated Mind thinks they’re Triggered by.  If it’s “I hate this job” your Projecting your Suffocation on your job, and you’re in a Cold and Hard place besides.  You could even tap on “Even though I Feel Suffocated doing this, I deeply and completely Love and Accept myself.”  You’d be withdrawing the Projection and moving to Soft and Warm in a few sequences.

That alone could shift you into Gratitude and help you Realize that you already are in Community, even if it’s not exactly the Community you ultimately Want to Manifest.  The next step would be Realizing that you’ve Proven to yourself that you do know how to Create Community.  Then you can PIAVA whatever Improvements you’d like to see in your Community, and sooner or later you’d find yourself Planning and Executing steps in that direction.

Owning your Abandonment and Suffocation as your own endogenous Emotional processes – Emotions that arise without Clear External Triggers, even though, sure, your Mind can easily find a hundred faux current-moment rationalizations – will put you in a position of Neutrality.  Neutrality is necessary to be Fully Present in the Moment so you can Manifest directly without having to make it into a Struggle.  

Griz doesn’t Struggle to find Huckleberries to add pudge to see Her through Her long winter’s nap, she just Sniffs the Air, senses the Changing Light, hears the Hucklebushes calling her name, and knows it’s time to go up the Mountain for her sweet and savory Autumn feast.  Yes, sometimes the Huckleberry crop fails and She wakes us hungry mid-winter and has to raid Huper cabins to get through, but that’s not much of a Struggle either, since Hupers make their doors so flimsy.  We only Struggle because we get Attached to our Beliefs and Project our unpleasant Feelings into our surroundings.

Like John Said…

Remember Both/And; Truth is Different for each of us because Truth resides in the Heart, not in the mind’s Duality.  Even if this is not your Truth, it may be useful to you, as all New Perspectives are.  New Perspectives may help you Let Go of Judgment of Others, they may help you Let Go of Unconscious Limiting Beliefs, and they may Grow Corn for you in Unusual Circumstances.

  ♥    ♥    ♥    ♥    ♥    ♥    ♥  

2017, which is a Tenth-Harmonic (Abundance) Year, begins with dwarf planet Makemake Stationary.  A planet is at its Strongest when it’s Stationary.  The Essence of Makemake is Manifestation.  As John said…

http://suzanneliephd.blogspot.com/2016/12/it-is-now-arcturians-through-suzanne-lie.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqP3wT5lpa4

But first we need to get past this week’s once-in-a-millennium Funfest.  Actually, though, since they’re co-incident, we need to interpret them as one astroevent.  How we Respond to this week will have a big Impact on how our Manifestation Skills shift in the New Year.  There are many Keys to that process…

(1) The Most Important Thing is inviting our Abandoned Genius to come Home.  Treat them like a Wild Animal that you’re trying to tame.  Offer them a Treat – like maybe an Open Heart to them, then step back and sit down, facing slightly away, so they don’t think you’re watching them (Change the Subject).  Then – sit quietly and Wait.  As long as it takes.  You can’t approach them directly.  You have to Demonstrate your Loving Kindness, Be Open and Inviting but Neutral and Non-Attached, and Let Them Approach You.  If you do that, they will come, you just don’t know how long it will take, so you need Patience.  

(2) You have Time, you don’t need to rush.  What you do need to do is to Show Them Consistency, and Avoid sudden moves that would Startle them.  Find your Space of Loving Kindness, and Apologize to your Abandoned Genius  for Allowing them be Banished from your Life.  Don’t Punish yourself, it was something you had to do in order to Survive at the Time, and your Safety was then paramount.  But Feel their Pain and Abandonment, over having been Banished all these years.  Then PIAVA that they Return to You, Let It Go, and send them Love.  Then after a while – several to many hours – check to see if you’ve Learned anything.  Then Do It Again.

(3) While you’re doing the Processes above and below, hold a Crystal or Jewel or Stone in your hand.  Choose one that you feel very Safe and Loving with.  If it’s wearable, great, wear it all week.  If not, keep it in a pocket if you can.  If it’s too big for that, put in a Sacred Space and Be There or Visualize it as you begin each of these Processes (do these whenever you think of it all week – constantly if possible!).  If you don’t have the perfect Crystal handy, gaze at this one…

Print it out (from http://www.jbuss.com/jbl4d/annabergite1.htm ) and carry it with you; that’s your Abandoned Genius sparkling there in the center, as It – that is, You, the Abandoned part of You – struggles to escape the maw that’s about to devour It – that is, You, your historical You.

(4) Be Compassionate with any Pain you Feel.  “You poor Sweetheart, you’re really hurting aren’t you.”  Then put your thoughts on something else.  After a while you can check in again to see if you’re still in Pain.  If you aren’t, spend a few minutes in Gratitude.  If you are still (or again) in Pain, give yourself another “You poor Sweetheart…”  When You are Hurting, that’s literally True – You Are Hurt.  When you give yourself a “You poor Sweetheart…” You aren’t Hurt any more, You Are Compassion.  And Empathy Heals.  

(5) You don’t have to Fix anything or Change anything, you just have to be Loving and Gentle with yourself.  It’s actually The Most Important Thing.  Ask yourself, “I Wonder what would happen if I Trusted that my own Empathy is Enough to Heal Myself.”  Don’t seek Answers, just stay in Wonder as long as you can.  If you want you can Imagine that it’s True, then look to see what your Inner Eye sees.  If you see Peace, you’re Golden.  If you see Trouble, Ask what you’re Feeling there, and give yourself another “You poor Sweetheart…” about that.  “You poor Sweetheart, you’re Feeling Doubt, aren’t you.”

(6) You are Learning a Paradox about how…

• Self-Sovereignty (which includes Doing and Having What you Want)

is Related to… 

• Being Truthful with Yourself about What you Fear

The Relationship isn’t Logical, so don’t try to make it so.  Imagine how you’ll Feel when you can Do and Have exactly what you Want to Do and Have, moment to moment.  Then Ask yourself if you have any Yes-Buts.  Take them one by one, and convert them to Yes-Ands.  This is a Paradox, remember, it doesn’t make sense.  Maybe something like… “I Have Complete Freedom and Abundance, Yes, And my Life is falling apart because I’m not honoring my ten zillion Commitments!”  Or… “I Have Complete Freedom and Abundance, Yes, And how am I treating other people?”  Then just Change the Subject.  Nothing to Solve, nothing to Fix, just another Paradox.  Trust a Perfect Unfoldment; you just See Through a Glass Darkly.

(7) Be on the lookout for Ego Death.  The Signs are Thinking “I’d rather Die” or “I’d do anything for Love, but I won’t do That,” Not recognizing the landmarks in your own neighborhood, Feeling Confused, Not being able to keep your regular schedule, Feeling like you’re just now meeting old friends or colleagues for the first time.  It’s like you’re a Walk-In, but you aren’t.  It’s Weird.  An Ego Death is actually an Ego Rebirth.  It’s exactly what you Crave.  Our natural Reaction is to do everything we can to Prevent a Death/Rebirth; you want to do everything you can to be Loving and Gentle with it.  You’re a Babe in Arms, put yourself to your Breast, rock, and coo.

(8) Every Memory, Flashback, Vignette, and Historical Flash you Receive is Significant.  This is what it’s about.  They’re all either…

• Related to how you were before your “Betters” Abandoned/Abused you
• Related to the chronic or acute Traumas that characterized or precipitated your Abandonment
  
• Related to your resulting Lifetime Self-Abandonment
• Related to the many episodes in your Life where you exercised your now-Habitual Self-Abandonment (any “If-Only-I’d-Have…” Flashbacks?)
• Related to your Shoulds (which are all Self-Abandonments)
• Related to the Limiting Beliefs and Karmic Archetypes that are Lit Up so you can become Conscious of them and Choose to Let them Go
• Related to episodes of Genuine Self-Love and Self-Care (for Contrast)

Or several/many/ all of the above.

As we’ve said, these are Big Doin’s.

Makemake’s Exact Retrograde Station is at 3pm PST on 2 January.

(1) Abandoned Genius (AG) as The Most Important Thing (TMIT): Saturn/TMIT Conjunct Ixion/AG and Nemesis/Ego-Death Oppose dwarf planet Chaos/Unlimited-Potential, forming the base of a Chiron/Despair-and-Miracle T-Square/Challenge.  Saturn-Ixion Opposite Chaos and Jupiter-Haumea/Big-Rebirth Opposite Uranus-Ceres-Eris-Mnemosyne/Memories -to-make-our-True-Self-Sustainable form a  Golden Rectangle/Creative-Genius.

(2a) Having Time: Ixion Initiates Saturn 15 February in 25 Sagittarius.  Other closely related intermediate events:

• Ixion Initiates Nemesis 6 January 25 Sagittarius
• Juno Opposes Chaos 6 January
• Juno Squares Chiron 7 January 
• Saturn Initiates Juno 11 January 23 Sagittarius
• Ixion Initiates Juno 19 January 26 Sagittarius
• Jupiter Stationary Retrograde Conjunct Haumea 6 February 24 Libra

(2b) Survival/Safety: Moira/Fate Sextile Saturn-Ixion-Nemesis-Juno etc etc.

(3) Crystal: the Vacancy that completes the Chiron T-Square is 22 Virgo, A royal coat of arms rich in Precious Stones.  Annabergite is one of the few Crystalline Minerals that was Organically Alive just before it Crystalized.  The appropriate Heart color and dangerous positioning on this one is a convenient “coincidence.”  Or, you could use this Cluster (from http://www.jbuss.com/jbl4/tbam1878bp.htm ), with the Violet Flame:

(4) Compassion/Empathy: the Chiron T-Square.

(5) Wonder and Trust: the Tricolor Saturn-Ixion-Nemesis-Juno Square Chiron Quincunx Eurydike/Trust Trine Saturn-Ixion et al.

(6) Self-Sovereignty/Truth-Fear: Sedna-Aletheaia/Being-Truthful-about-our-Fear to Lilith/Self-Sovereignty Yin Gate/Mystery School embedded in the Golden Rectangle in (1).

(7) Ego Death: Jupiter/Amplification Conjunct Haumea/Rebirth, Uranus-Eris Stellium, Saturn-Ixion Stellium, etc etc etc.

(8) Flashbacks: Mnemosyne/Memories in the Uranus-Eris Stellium, Nemesis/Regret in the Saturn-Ixion Stellium, Aletheia/Truth on Sedna, etc etc etc.

Then There’s Anxiety

Sodalite – Sodium Aluminum Tektosilicate Chloride.  The Tektosilicates (Quartz and Feldspars; Sodalite is a “Feldspathoid,” or Feldspar-like) arrange their Silicates in Matrices, so they’re very tightly knit together.  Bring the image right in through your Third Eye and it’ll knit the Ego back together.  The Yang equivalent of Sodalite is Lapis Lazuli.  If your Sodalite turns white, bury it for a while.

  Ω    Ω  Ω   Ω   Ω  

Whenever there’s movement on the Cusp of Consciousness – as has been much the case lately – there’s going to be Anxiety.  “Omigosh, Change!  Will it be good?  Will Daddy take the T-bird away?  Will Elmer leave me before I can leave him?”  For most of us, Anxiety happens just below the level of Consciousness.  We feel it, but we don’t Witness it as Anxiety.  “Oh, Sweetheart, you’re Feeling Anxious, aren’t you.”  Instead we project it onto the myriad of Stresses that Material Being presents to us – money, Relationship, Community, Survival, Predatory Capitalism and Fascism, the Poisoning of our Food, and the many other elements of our Abandonment.

Or our Suffocation.  Some of us suffer more from Suffocation – we can’t stand to be Constrained – than from Abandonment.  Some of us do both. 

We might recognize it as Worry, or a Focus on Problem-Solving, or just “Mental Grinding.”  We fall asleep grinding away on the problem (if it will let us fall asleep), and we wake up grinding on it.  Or problems – Goddess knows there are many candidates these days.  The mind grinds away at perceived problems till they’re polished so smooth we could read our Fortune on them – if there was a connection.  Unfortunately, there usually isn’t.

 Anxiety is an Emotion, and the mind can’t “fix” an Emotion; it can only step aside and Witness it, Lovingly.  That’s the whole raison d’être of Emotions, to get us to Notice.  “There’s a Tiger behind you!” (Fear); “They’re ripping you off!” (Anger); “What will you do without them?!?” (Grief); “You aren’t Grounded!” (Anxiety).  We can’t make good decisions when we aren’t Grounded.  If there are important issues we need to Attend to, it’s important that we make good decisions.  So the Body warns us that we need to get Grounded. 

Unfortunately, many of us are programmed to solve problems in the mind, rather than in the Energy Body.  That’s what Humpty Dumpty was all about.  “All the King’s horses, and all the King’s men, couldn’t put Humpty back together again.”  Of course not, we need the Queen.  The King’s men work for the mind, and you can never think your way out of any Emotion.  Anxiety shatters the thin-shelled Ego Egg.  And trying to work on any issue while the Ego is shattered, will only make things worse.  Mind and Spirit are Yang; Emotion and Matter are Yin.

We Ground the Energy Body by simply imagining a cable attached at one end to the base of our Spine, and at the other end to the center of the Earth.  We can also Ground by eating, or having sex, but when Anxiety is strong and we never attend to it directly (by Empathetic Witnessing it), eating and sex can become addictions.  The cable to the center of the Earth is more reliable.

Like any other persistent or difficult Emotion, or Programming, or Self-Sabotaging Patterns, the hardest part is Noticing.  Noticing that we aren’t Witnessing our Feelings, but Projecting them onto someone or something else.  Compared to Anxiety, Anger and Grief and Fear are easy, because unless we’ve undertaken psychological training, we don’t talk about Anxiety.  When you talk to your best friend, do you talk about your Anger, or who you’re mad at?  Your Fear, or what you’re scared of?  Your Anxiety, or what you project it upon?

After Noticing, the rest is easy.  You just Lovingly Empathize, Change the Subject, and get on with your Life.  Once an Emotion is Noticed, Embraced, Witnessed, it moves on.  Yes, Change is afoot.  Ground, Breathe, and you’re likely to find Excitement about it.

Square Planets Up Your Nodes

Manganvesuvianite – the Manganese-rich form of Vesuvianite, named for the Volcano that decimated Roman Pompeii.  Vesuvianite symbolizes the Mother Goddess, Creator of All That Is, and her Power to Heal “Miraculously.”  It appears as a Miracle to the Limited mind; it’s everyday to the Goddess.  The Manganese clears away Confusion so we can see the Growth that’s hiding behind it and Embrace it.

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A reader asks…

“Can you talk more about those of us who have a planet squaring the nodes?”

Which is an excellent question.  It’s a similar situation for folks with planets Conjunct either Node. 

A “Square” is two planets that are separated by one fourth of the Zodiac; they’re near the same Degree but three Signs apart.  A T-Square is two Squares connected end-to-end, or two planets Opposing one another with a third planet halfway between them.  Both mean Mastery through Challenge, the T-Square’s Challenge being more Challenging than a single Square’s Challenge.

First though, let me address another reader comment…

“That discussion of squares/Tsquares got me – depressed – no, actually, I recognized that feeling as despair when I read it.  Your writings have taught me to recognize that feeling –  despair.  And unconscious despair.  I never knew what that darkness was.  It’s been interesting to note where, when, how often it comes.  That’s helped clear a fair amount of it to an extent…just recognizing it for what it is.  That post brought it on.  Condemnation.  I always thought squares were Mastery Through Challenge.  So there is no ‘never.’  Mastery comes.  Not just ‘getting it’ but MASTERY!!  I feel like they should be called Infinitely Perpetual Challenge then.  Give it up.  You ain’t getting anywhere.”

Well, Infinitely Perpetual Challenge isn’t far off – till you Change your Objective.  Let’s take any of us that have Squares to Mars or Venus for an example – that’s timely, with Mars Initiating Venus and Wabi-Sabi Stationary.  We don’t even need a Square between Mars and Venus, just some other planet Squaring Mars or Venus.  Those movie scenes and ads about Perfect Romance and Perfect Bodies and Perfect Faces are irresistible to us.  Pant, Pant.  And that’s the whole idea – it ain’t Real, it’s a Trance.  I’ll wager that every Relationship you’ve ever been in had some positive feature.  If you cut out each one of those boons and pasted it on your Ken or Barbie doll, you’ll witness your Mastery first-hand.  You just haven’t put them together all at once.

That’s actually a great way to move toward What You Want – list the pieces or characteristics of your Desire, check to see which ones you’ve already Manifested, and then work on the others.  When you get most of them checked off, list all the combinations – A+B, A+C, B+C, etc. and start working on those – you can Plan and Execute, or PIAVFA, or both.  Then if you need to, work on the triplets – A+B+C, A+B+D, B+C+D, etc. – and the quadruplets.  Sound too complex?  Hmmm.  Maybe it’s your Desire that’s too complex.  Maybe you need to Prioritize a little.

Let’s try a thought experiment.  Think about your unfulfilled Desire.  Now pick its two most important characteristics.  Just for the sake of illustration we’ll call them Passion and Security.  Sound contradictory? 

That may be part of your Frustration.  Contradiction exists only in the mind, not in Reality.  In Reality it’s Both/And; in Real Life it’s called Paradox, not Contradiction.  If we’re striving for two Paradoxical qualities that we Believe are Contradictory, we will be doomed to Infinitely Perpetual Challenge.  It’s very difficult to Manifest what we don’t Believe – this is part of the Powerful “Placebo” effect.  So the first thing we may need to PIAFA is that we Believe our Desire is Possible.

Back to Passion and Security.  Ever feel Passion toward your Desire?  If not, Imagine it (Feelize or Visualize or …).  Shake It Off, take a drink of Water, and then think about the times you’ve felt Security around your Desire.  You may not have met any of your other requirements, but you felt Security.  If you haven’t Experienced Security around your Desire, not even for a few minutes, then Imagine what it’ll feel like when you do.  (If it’s a Relationship Desire, think Friendship.)  Then Let It Go, Dance a bit, another drink of Water, then recall or Imagine Manifesting both Security and Passion around your Desire.  Add Belief if you need to.

Feel good?  Or are their Yesbuts squeaking in the background – or shrieking in the foreground?  Yesbuts can feel Frustrating, but they’re just information about what else your Desire needs.  A frequently Unconscious Yesbut is whether or not you Deserve to Manifest Your Heart’s Desire. 

Virtually all of us went to the same Obedience School, where we were given a biscuit if we got the right answer, and if we’re very lucky only fingerwagged when we got the wrong answer.  Lots of folks would consider it Sociopathic if you Believed that you just Deserved things without having to Earn them.  Well, you do Deserve to Manifest your Heart’s Desire, right or wrong.  If your Heart’s Desire is punishable by Life or the Chair, so be it, you’ll just have to face the music.  But that’s not about Deserving; it’s about what your Culture permits and how well you finesse it.

Okay, you’ve Shaken It Off and Let It Go again and danced around the Fire, and now you’re sitting there feeling what it’s like to Believe in and Deserve to Manifest Safety and Passion around your Desire. 

I know, they’re still Yesbutting you, but Imagine that Belief, Deserving, Security, and Excitement are all you Want, that they’re Enough.

Ahhhhh! – Wonderful, isn’t it!

No?  Well, that’s it then. 

Desire is indeed an Infinitely Perpetual Challenge.  The basic problem is that Desire is misspelled.  It’s really spelled M-o-t-i-v-a-t-i-o-n.  Now there has to be a Balance between Motivation and Satisfaction, or else we’ll never feel good about Life.  So what to do?  Well, we certainly don’t need to give up our Desire, that would be the equivalent of Death.  We might need to dial it back a little, and approach it one piece or characteristic at a time, or set intermediate and achievable Goals that we can Celebrate along the way, so we can enjoy the Journey and not just the possibly hallucinatory Destination.

But the real key to Enjoying a Square or T-Square is shifting our Objective from Desire to Learning.  We’re always Learning, so we can Celebrate some quantity of Learning (even if we don’t understand yet what it is) from every Experience.  So a Square or a T-Square is about Learning about our Desire.  Once we make that shift we’re free to Play.  Learning is usually Surprising – otherwise we’d already be Learned.  So we’re open to Surprise as well as Success.  We really can afford to Play with it, because when Learning is our Objective, the bigger and faster our failures, the more we Learn.

That is MASTERY.  You’ve actually experienced it in your Life, around lesser Frustrations, like Spelling or Story Problems or DiffyQ or Asking for a raise or maintaining your Health.

And in fact, with a Square or T-Square, you are a Master, because you’ve always been Motivated to Explore the Edges of your Infinitely Perpetual Challenging Desire.  Take Music as an example.  If you’re Mozart, you were a Master at Birth.  If you’re Salieri, you’ve been working your butt off all your Life, and he gets all the contracts.  But suppose you’re Vivaldi, and you’re trying to figure out whether you want a minor or major key for your concerto about Spring.  Mozart could tell you in a flash.  But Salieri would be able to tell you why you need a minor key. 

If you were depending on Mozart you’d need to ask him again for each Season.  The answer you got from Salieri would allow you to figure it out on your own.  So who’s the real Master – Mozart or Salieri?

This is Real, it’s not a rationalization or a PR trick.  You may need to start your process by Believing that it’s possible to shift your Objective from your Desire to Learning about your Desire.

Conjunctions and Oppositions are similarly Heuristic.  Oppositions Challenge us to escape Duality by recognizing that while the Heads and the Tails distract us from what’s really happening, focusing on the Coin will trigger our Intuition.  Conjunctions Challenge us to Accept that just because our Perspective on the World isn’t popular, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.  In fact, the more unusual our Perspective, the more Powerful.  You may end up writing things that won’t be understood for 200 years, or that only six people on the Planet will grok, but the Value in that is immeasurable. 

Squares and T-Squares are members of the Fourth Harmonic, which is basically Mastery or Dominion; the Emperor.  But it’s the Fifth Harmonic that’s about Learning, so we must be wrong, eh?  No, we Master each Harmonic by adopting the Perspective of a higher Dimension.  The First Harmonic, Conjunction, is about Self.  The Infinitely Perpetual Challenge about Self is Other, which is introduced by the Second Harmonic, Opposition. 

The Challenge of Self “versus” Other is resolved by Love, the Third Harmonic or Trine.  The Infinitely Perpetual Challenge about Love lies in resolving Codependence, via Healthy Control or Dominion, the Fourth Harmonic – Squares.  We resolve the Frustration of the Fourth Harmonic by using the Fifth, Learning, the Quintile.  We resolve the Paradox of Inequality between the Student and the Teacher by moving to mutually respectful Partnership, the Sixth Harmonic or Sextile.  And so on.

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Squares to the Nodes

Okay, finally we get to the original question.  But I think you’ll agree that the detour was useful. 

We’ve been equating the North Node to Desire and Mission, and now we’re talking about Squares as if they represented Desire.  These are two different flavors of Desire.  A North-Node Desire is hardwired in.  Moving in the direction of a North-Node Desire produces the sense that we’re on the right track, even as Satisfaction avoids us.  North-Node Desires evolve without much Frustration; we don’t recall how different our current North-Node Desires are from our picture of it five or ten years ago.  The basic sense is one of Progress.  A T-Square Desire on the other hand is an unachievable chimera that we set up to Motivate ourselves.  It’s a picture of Perfection.  It probably hasn’t changed substantially since we were five or ten years old.  The basic sense is one of Frustration.

So, if we put them both together, Progress with Frustration, gradual evolution with our Perfect Pictures, the whole process can be very Confusing.  And we may not remember that Confusion is the first stage of Growth.  That’s probably the key we need to resolve a T-Square to the Nodes – remembering that Confusion is the first stage of Growth.

Note that since the Nodes by definition Oppose one another, a Square to the Nodes is always a T-Square.

There are a couple of productive processes for dealing with Confusion.  We can acknowledge it with Gratitude.  “Omigosh, there’s Confusion!  Thank Goddess I’m Growing out of that dilemma!  That’s Exciting!”  And Curiosity.  Unlike the programming we got in school, real Learning is always Surprising.  If we had any idea how a real Life dilemma would be resolved, it wouldn’t be a dilemma.  So acknowledging Confusion as the first step of Growth almost automatically inspires Curiosity.  And Curiosity, like Love, is Goddessly, as both eschew Judgment.  We don’t want to strive for Curiosity about how our T-Square will be resolved – because we’d get stuck to our Perfect Pictures again.  Curiosity about what we’ll Learn next about our Desire fits perfectly, however.

We come to the difference between Desire and Fantasy.  Suppose for instance that we crave Acknowledgement.  If as ankle-biters we weren’t Valued for who we really were, we’ll spend our Lives craving Acknowledgement.  We have a picture of how that might happen.  We might be “Discovered,” for instance.  That’s a very nice alternative to Earning Acknowledgement.  Once who we really are is Discovered, everything else will fall into place, and it will all be easy.  That’s how we know it’s a Fantasy – everything else becomes easy.  Fantasy is a Manifestation-killer. 

When we detect Fantasy we need to substitute Curiosity.  We don’t know what it will look like when we’re Acknowledged – we’ve never been there.  We know the Perfect Picture we daydream about, but our Desire is behind that Picture, not in it.  When that Picture arises and we recognize it (how can we not? – we’ve been daydreaming it all our Life!), we need to pull the cord next to it so it rolls up like an old-fashioned window-shade.  Behind it there’s a Wilderness, and it’s Delightful and Dangerous and Exciting and very Compelling.  You can’t Imagine what’s in there!  But doesn’t it inspire Curiosity!

So let’s take some examples.  Suppose Saturn, which represents The Most Important Thing, Squares our Nodes.  It’s never this simple, because many other influences are afoot – such as the Sign of our Saturn, and other Angles to it from other planets.  But we could have a Lifetime Frustration about knowing what’s The Most Important Thing.  Is it Learning new Skills or collecting boons by using the Skills we have?  Is it Love, or is it Power?  So we need to find a reliable way to move from Confusion to Curiosity around The Most Important Thing.

In Psychic School one of the first tricks you Learn is “What if you did know?”  When Duality wants you to do Either/Or and you aren’t in touch with your Intuition enough to understand how Both/And might work in this circumstance, you can Ask yourself, “What if I did know?”  Chances are you will have already rejected at least one answer to the question, and that answer will probably pop back into Consciousness.  There’s a danger here.  This is an exercise for developing your Intuition, it’s not your Intuition. 

The answer you get is an excellent trial balloon, and a great first guess about what’s The Most Important Thing.  It’s worth trying.  But it may only work for a few steps.  West might be the correct direction for the first three strides, but you need to be alert for when Confusion arises again, and Ask again.  The next four might be North – or West again.  If you decide that one direction is Most Important forever, you’re likely to end up in a swamp.  After you practice this for a while it will become your Intuition, and you’ll develop the habit of recognizing Confusion and shifting immediately to Curiosity.  Eventually you won’t even notice the intervening steps, you’ll just Intuitively know what comes next.

But it’s still a Square; you can never sit on your laurels.  It will always be evolving, and you’ll always be Learning more about how to define The Most Important Thing, on more and more subtle levels, till you finally realize that there’s no one you can compare notes with, because no one else knows as much as you know about it – you are the Master.  It Squares your Nodes, so knowing it is The Most Important Thing in your Life.  When you Celebrate your Certainty about knowing the Most Important Thing, you’re about to step into the muck.  Celebrate Learning more about how to discern The Most Important Thing instead.

Now, think back over your Life.  How many times have you repeated this dance, and how many different ways have you Learned for dealing with it?  Include all the ways you’ve forgotten that you Learned (what if you did remember?).  In truth you’re the Master of this Process.  There’s no one better than you to teach it to others, because you’ve Explored all the blind alleys and discovered all the thoroughfares.  And more important, you know how to find the mainlines that haven’t been discovered yet. 

The primary characteristic of any Square is a shortage of Self-Acknowledgement.

That’s another process for resolving a Square in any given moment – moving to Gratitude – make a list of what is working for you.

Or Jupiter – what if Jupiter Squared our Nodes?  Jupiter is about Fortune, Expansion, Amplification.  When Jupiter dances with your Nodes, your Mission is always foremost in your Attention.  That’s fabulous, as no one will ever be able to accuse you of not immer strebend.  But it’s never Enough, is it.  Jupiter’s the Great Benefic, but Never Enough is a bummer.  So Self-Acknowledgement of your Enoughness has to become your mantra.  You’ve beaten it practically to death, but Enoughness is your Mastery.  Now you need to Master Not-Quite-Enoughness.  Your Challenge is to Learn to feel good about Performing at 90%.  When you get pretty good at that you can try 80%.  You’ll be More Than Enough at 50% – you can spend the other 50% having Fun.  You’re already doing this, aren’t you.  That’s MASTERY! 

We just can’t Acknowledge that we’re actually Manifesting the Power to Serve Effectively when we’re the Victim of our own Unconscious Motivation.  Dominion requires the Ability to Respond to “threats” to our Healthy Control.  As long as the Power to Serve Effectively is our Goal instead of Learning to Use the Power to Serve Effectively, Frustration follows, because Life is a moving target and “those people” – who really are less competent and less dedicated than you because they don’t have Jupiter Squaring their Nodes – are your Teachers, Unconsciously of course.  You’re underemployed, but you won’t be able to leverage yourself into a position where you also have the Authority and Responsibility to Serve Effectively – and the rewards, until you Learn to Honor yourself. 

There’s still time to remember all of the little and big Successes along this course, and Celebrate each one.  They’ll feel burdensome until you reframe them from Frustration about Failure, to Excitement about Learning.  Buy three big sheets of gold-colored cardboard and a “Sharpie” permanent marker.  Take an hour each week, choose one of your historical Frustrations, fully Embrace your Grief about how your hard work was unseen and unacknowledged and even actively thwarted, and then Ask “What did I Learn from this?”  If what you Learned feels negative, Ask “What was the positive function of that?”  “What was one positive thing that came out of it?

When you feel good about that Learning, cut a trophy honoring yourself for that  Success out of the gold cardboard, and give it a title and an approximate date.  As you process each historical Frustration there will be too many trophies (it’s Jupiter after all!) to keep on your mantle or altar all at once, so keep the extras in a box.  Each morning choose one trophy to put back in the box, and replace it with a new one chosen “randomly” from the box.  Spend a minute remembering the Frustration you felt as you climbed that mountain, and find the Relief you felt when you Learned that Lesson.

What about Venus?  Venus stands for our Values, so you’re probably often at odds about which Value of yours to follow.  Having multiple Values is fantastic – no danger of becoming a Zealot, eh?  But boy, those Zealots sure look Satisfied, don’t they?  Compared to my Confusion, that looks like a Blessing!  What if being Multifarious was the Blessing?  It’s a Square, it’s always a moving target.  I think of a Spiral, where we revisit the same issue over and over again but with slightly different circumstances.  A friend and reader uses the metaphor of “an elevator which stops at identical floors, but different things happen depending on where your head/vibes/frequency is.”

But the constant about is this is Constant Learning.  Your Values are Universal, but for every moment a different Hierarchy of Values applies.  If you’re anything like the rest of us, you’ve been programmed to apply the Values that were handed down by your family heritage in every moment.  You’ll be Learning how to stop and reconsider every moment, so you can apply the Values that work best in the circumstances.  You’ll know when you got it right because there will be a short burst of North-Node Satisfaction, the sense that you’re on the right track.  Till the Square’s Never-Quite-Right Energy butts in again.  No worries, it’s just Confusion, the first stage of Growth.  Isn’t that Curious!  I wonder which Values apply here – Growth or Certainty?

The Centaur Nessus Squaring the Nodes?  Confusion over Action, how to meet one’s needs with finesse rather than force, and how to replace that Confusion with Curiosity and Self-Acknowledgement.  Passive Pacifism isn’t worth much.  A Pacifist who knows how to Embrace and Master their own need to Dominate is a Teacher of Value.

The dwarf planet Ceres would tie us in knots over what’s Sustainable, and beg us to replace our Preaching and Self-Abuse about it with frequent PIAVFAs about how to make it stick. 

The poster child of dwarf planets, Pluto?  Sorry, your Life Path is intense, and you won’t bargain your way out of it.  You’ve probably already been in and out of Addiction, as there’s no faster way to understand Control.  Your Hero’s Journey is the Heroin’s Journey, figuratively or literally.  So what if no one listens to you – you see the Future, and they don’t.  Let them stumble; it’s their Learning Experience.  Your Certainty is a hindrance, though.  See if you can reprogram your Trance to seek Curiosity instead – you’re the Master of Trance-Re-Formation after all, even if you haven’t Recognized it yet.

If it’s the Centaur Hylonome Squaring your Nodes, Grief is your constant companion.  She’s just over your left shoulder.  Don’t push her away any more; Embrace Her.  Once you let Her swallow you like Inanna was swallowed by the Sun, over and over again, you’ll emerge Surprisingly quickly, each time having gained deep Insight.  Be Curious about where Grief will lead you next, as it’s a deep service to Humanity and to the Planet.

Inanna’s symbol is the Grand Octile – the Eighth Harmonic is where we go to resolve the puzzles presented by Magic.  This Ouija Board Uranus-Pluto Cycle is about Magic, and you know what comes next.  You are a Visitor from the distance Future, come to try to steer us away from impending disaster.  Embrace that Perspective without succumbing to Certainty or rejecting your constant Grief about being Unrecognized.  Grief is your greatest Tool.

Ah, Lilith.  It feels Confusing only because you’re ahead of your Time.  The World is moving toward Yindependence – Universal Respect for Self-Sovereignty – and you’re the advance guard.  Let yourself be Curious about how you can best help move the Planet forward.  The Hero’s Journey is well documented; it’s up to you to document the Heroine’s Journey for us as well.  Starhawk’s Truth or Dare is a good starting place for you.

Then there’s Uranus!  Yes, there are deep mists between you and your Soul, and many false profits.  You can’t dispel Confusion with Certainty, it must be Embraced.  It’s all Metaphor, Both/And.  What will happen if you Surrender to Confusion? 

Anyone else wanting to come forward?

Potential and Possibility

More Synchronicities – the concept of Potential keeps coming up in these interviews, and arises in Carol Tuttle’s workshop that we’ll link to in a moment.  The concept is still a subtle background; see if it doesn’t grow more prominent in the week ahead.

The dwarf planet Chaos – which represents Potential rather than Disharmony, is Stationary turning Direct on February 27.

Today’s gift from Donna Eden and David Feinstein is a recording of a four-hour workshop presented by Carol Tuttle.  We’ve had Carol “on this show” before; she’s a well-known EFT (aka Tapping) practitioner.  David of course is one of the movers and shakers in EFT, as it was his review of the extant scienterrific literature on the subject that convinced the American Psychiatric Association to grant continuing education credits for EFT courses to psychologists and psychiatrists.  Since it’s somewhat difficult to follow verbal instructions for physical movements, before we give Carol’s link I want to give a link to Jessica Ortner’s very straightforward introduction to a simple but very effective version (the one I use) of EFT…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzVd6Ww0as4

It would be great if Donna needed no introduction, as Donna is to Energy Medicine as Janis Joplin is to Rock and Roll and Johnny Appleseed is to Fruit.  A modern-day Saint, really.  If you’ve never spent time with her work and you can afford it, get one of her books or DVDs.  If you can’t afford one, go in with some friends and share it, or wander around the extensive “Resources” section of her website.  Here are the basics…

http://www.theinnersourcestore.com/energy-medicine-4/

but don’t miss (menus to the left) Energies of Love for Women and Energies of Love as well.

Okay, with that background, here’s Carol Tuttle’s four-hour audio workshop that covers many of Donna’s elementary techniques, and EFT as well…

http://www.theinnersourcestore.com/the-energies-of-love-relationship-series-day5

Long, but worth the time even if you’re already familiar with EFT and Energy Medicine.  The primary theme is – what else – Relationship, but Abundance and Yintegrity are ubiquitous themes in all of Carol’s works, including this one.  There’s also a lot of great stuff on Carol’s own website…

http://caroltuttle.com/

I don’t know how long Donna and David plan to leave these great Gifts online, but this is Day 5, and Day 1’s audio is still online.  These are all fabulous resources.

St. Valentine

Unakite, one of the three Heart Stones, combining the two Heart colors, pink (orangey-pink in this sample) and green – pink Feldspar and green Epidote – symbolizing what Jung called the Heiros Gamos, or marriage of our Inner Male and our Inner Female.  It of course symbolizes Relationship as well, because our Relationship(s) mirror the Love and Respect, or Dischord and Distrust – and the Balance – between our Inner Doingness and our Inner Ability to Call Forth.

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A quote from Walther Mathau, via Joan Borysenko – “My doctor gave me six months to live, but I couldn’t pay the bill, so he gave me six months more.”

These guys – Donna Eden, John Grey, and David Feinstein – are so excited to be finishing one another’s sandwiches that they can hardly keep from talking over one another, tying together everything that we’ve been talking about for years, plus plus plus plus plus.  If you want to Change the World and Humanity for the better, this is worth listening to a dozen times, studying the resources mentioned, and most especially, teaching your kids and everyone else what they’re saying…

http://www.theinnersourcestore.com/the-energies-of-love-relationship-series-kickoff/

John’s book talks about the Food part a little, but Joan Borysenko’s The Plant Plus Diet Solution and Jo Robinson’s Eating on the Wild Side are excellent places to start exploring further.

This recording is the first of a series of ten; you can sign up for the series at…

http://signup.innersource.net/energies-of-love-relationship-series/

Here’s how to do the testing, that both Donna and John mention, of what foods and supplements your body wants at the current moment.  First, drink some Water.  Doesn’t have to be a lot – a half cup will do, though of course more will be better, as is almost always true.  Second, hold the food item or supplement at your navel.  If you body leans backward, away from it, the time isn’t right.  If your body leans toward it, it’s a go. Don’t blame her if I’m saying it wrong, but I want to acknowledge Donna because this is her Teaching.  I’m relating it the way it works for me.

Play with it for a while.  It’s always a dance between mind and Body.  Take something you have a mild reaction to – for instance, Dairy makes my voice scratchy because it triggers mucus in my sinuses – and test it at various times.  I might try Yogurt in the morning, Buttermilk in the afternoon, Yogurt again after dinner, Ice Cream before bed (!).  If I get a yes, I’ll go ahead and eat some.  Then see what happens, see if you get your usual reaction.  Or take something you eat often, and test it before you eat it.  See if there’s a difference in how you feel afterward, depending on whether you leaned forward or back each time, and whether you went ahead and ate some or not.  Some things will be obvious, others too subtle to tell.

Folks with an active mind will be Confused about whether their Thoughts and Desires are driving their Body’s reactions, and that’s appropriate – Confusion is the first stage of Growth, eh?  Play with it, test it for a week or two, see how it works for you and what sort of adjustments you need to make for yourself.  Hydration is important; always drink some Water first.

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The Uranus-Pluto-Nodes part of our current I Gotta Be Me Yintegrity Mission-Desire-Karma-Hidden-Skill-Discovery Energy has another Portal peaking at 3pm PST February 15 (http://www.jbuss.com/tt/pst15.htm), opening about seven hours prior and closing six hours after. 

If our Guilt arises (maybe because we know we Gotta Be Me but we’re scared to, and probably because we were programmed by the significant adults in our tykehood NOT to Be Me), it’s critical that we Empathize with it.  If you feel like you aren’t doing as much as you could to serve what you feel is The Most Important Thing in Life, and/or you don’t feel like your Greatest Desires are Spiritually Worthy, or you’re in the habit of Shoulding all over yourself, then say to yourself,

“You poor dear, as a child you weren’t given support to be your True Self, were you.”

This is an important step because you’re stepping outside of your usual Identity, taking the role of the Witness, and Empathizing with your own Abandonment.  Unpleasant Feelings will probably arise; be very gentle with them and with the person (you) whose Feelings you’re Witnessing.  Just sit with them for a few minutes.  If conversation arises between the two of you, great.  If it doesn’t, no worries, just be open to the possibility.

This is a great time to work on your Habit of responding to yourself in this way whenever Guilt or Doubt or Self-Judgment arises, and whenever you start to take on the role of your Betters who had or have the right to tell you when you’re wrong and how wrong you are.   Except for the HyperConfident and the Sociopaths, most of us do that; we feel like we should be doing Better because we were told we weren’t good enough as we are.

There is no second step with this practice.  It is an end unto itself.  The more often you do it, the easier it gets, and the easier it gets, the sooner you’ll be intervening in your own Self-Sabotage, and the sooner you intervene, the easier it is to stop Abandoning yourself.  It’s not possible to predict how, because you’re in New Territory, but Miracles will follow.

This is the Chiron influence – Chiron still forms a Sextile-Unx Bridge across the Uranus-Pluto Square, and still weakly forms a Quincunx-Unx Bridge across the Nodal Opposition.

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Meanwhile, our Relationship Energies will be reset next week; this is why we’re encountering this amazingly integrative information now.

Mars Initiates Venus on February 21, at 2 Aries, “A comedian reveals human nature.“

Our Relationships will start being able to fly like the Angels because we’ll be taking ourselves Lightly!

Age 4

You’re four years old, and totally dependent on your caregivers – be they parents, relatives, or strangers – for food and shelter.  This is the Human condition.  Your mother didn’t supplement your Instincts with a little training on how to hunt mice or squirrels at age 3 months, like Fluffy’s or Mutt’s mums did.  And you wouldn’t know what to do with them if you caught them.  You’re helpless, and when Mom or Dad or their surrogate is in a rage at you, its literally Life-threateningly Terrifying.

You seem to do things that make them so angry.  You don’t know what well enough yet, to be able to know to stop doing those things.  If their rage even has anything to do with you.  This is how we get these fat brains.  Trying so hard to figure out what we did, or if we did, or how we did, so we can stay out of Terror.  Maybe.  If we have anything to do with it.  It’s a very deep Pattern, and it probably didn’t just start at age 4 – by then it’s already well developed.  You want to run away.  Again.  There must be something better somewhere.

So what do we do, as grown-ups, when we regress to that age.  When it feels like your support systems have Abandoned you.  Terror isn’t the sort of Emotion that wins friends and influences people.  How did the significant adults or proto-adults in your childhood react when “you did those things” that made them so mad?  Were you physically punished, or shamed, or belittled, or threatened?  You were just 4.  How could you have known what to do and not do, if it was even something you could control.

What do we do now, when Terror arises?  Not propaganda-Terror like the media feeds us, repeating noisy gunbattles twenty times a night as if we were in a movie.  As if it was about free speech, and not about mutual respect.  Setting us up for another layer of fascism and militarization, manipulating our Fear.  As if it’s okay for us to physically punish, shame, belittle, or threaten the people who “do things like that to us.”  Things like what?  How do we know?  We’re just 4.

We can try to Empathize with our inner 4-year-old.  Not much else we can do.  We can’t try to rebuild a support system, or create a new one, when we’re 4, or in Terror.  We can only try to get back to the Present Moment, where we have a lot more Skills than we had at 4.  It’s easy to believe in a Punishing God when you think about what kids have to Live through.  The “Stars” don’t care – they’ll dump you into a Spiritual Crisis at age 3 as easily as they will at age 45.  Even Tapping barely moves the needle.  Empathy is our only trump.