A reader asked what I meant in the previous post by “Expanding Boundaries,” whether that meant “Loosening Boundaries.” I responded…
“Could go either way – Boundaries are tricky. Expanding them might mean for instance less generalization or ‘profiling’ but fattening them against an individual. It could mean moving the fence closer to the sidewalk. Or it could mean ‘Loosening’ but in specific circumstances. How’s that for Waffling? Got any Maple Syrup?
“Forgiveness isn’t a Choice, it’s a Discovery; one day we notice that we seem to have Forgiven someone. Safety First. And Trust Instinct. Then (when Safe) examine Judgment to see if it has merit or is an obsolete Pattern. If somebody keeps Sliming you, Expand the Diatomaceous Earth zone.”
They wrote back to describe an encounter with a local Bully, summarizing with…
“Luckily I had my mirror with me and discreetly maneuvered it into position to face them, trying to breathe while staying present and grounded. I’ve really never encountered anything quite so nasty, even in my years in politics. It’s weird, but clearly it seems to be what’s on my plate, for now at least.”
The problem with Intimidation, from the Victim side, is that when the significant adults in our childhood Bullied us traumatically or chronically (“for our own good” or “because they loved us”), they didn’t just leave a cognitive scar that we can “talk ourselves out of,” they carved a Hole in our Aura. As we get closer to the Yintegrity Finale in June 2016, our Guidance may well put us in positions of “never having encountered anything quite so nasty,” simply because when we don’t get the Golden Apples the first several times, our Guidance has to escalate.
It was never fair to begin with, and we still Resent having to Claim our Space “by hand” rather than automatically. In addition, while we were being programmed, we were punished and threatened and shamed when we did try to Claim our Space. And, not wanting to focus on the bummer, and punished when we did (“straighten up or I’ll really give you something to cry about”), we forced it into the Unconscious, so now all we remember is that we can’t do that, it’ll be worse if we do. And there are probably ample mostly-Unconscious reinforcements from Parallel or Past Lives.
So it’s not easy to push ourselves to do this. But we have to do it, and we have to persist at it, because that’s how we develop new Habits. When we were Bullied or worse by those who had Power Over us, we Opened that Robot-Control Hole in our Aura in order to make our then-Life easier. Current-Moment Bullies can “see” the Hole, probably Unconsciously, and enjoy the Power Over when they reach through it to pull our puppetstrings. We have to see the Bullies as Guidance. We aren’t “Blaming the Victim” here (another popular Defense against Claiming our Power), we’re helping the Victim to begin paving a new Life Path.
One way to plug to Hole is simply to fill it with our own Energy. Holes like this are often in the back of our Third Chakra, behind the Solar Plexus (Power). Bring Starlight from your favorite Star down your back, and Earthlight from the center of the Earth up through your feet and legs, and allow them to tumble together once or twice in the bowl of your pelvis. Then bring the combined Energy up over your Belly and right through your Solar Plexus, booming out the back like a jet engine. Practice this when you aren’t being Bullied, so you don’t have to think much about it when you are Bullied. Some Energy Schools would rather you ran the Energy back to front. Try it both ways and see which one makes you feel more Solid.
Do this a lot, and you’ll get in a lot of fights. So move the Energy through some of your other Chakras as well, especially the Fourth or Heart Chakra (Compassion) and First or Root Chakra (base of the Spine, Worthiness). If you want to continue to have a Relationship with anyone who seems to purposely make you feel “bad,” including your partner, lover, boss, kids, employer, parents, friends, etc. – Heart Shaped Eyes tells the story…
https://heartshapedeyes.wordpress.com/2015/10/21/passive-aggressive/
– then fill your Second (Belly, Emotion) and Fifth Chakra (Neck, Communication) as well. You don’t want Analysis and Empathy yet, you want Protection, so leave out the Sixth (Third Eye, Intuition) and Seventh (top of the Head, Spirit) Chakras for now.
Once when I was on the phone with a Bully to whom I was very vulnerable and with whom I didn’t want to argue (a losing proposition with Bullies, and boring), I carefully and persistently ran jet engines through both my Third and Fourth Chakras. The Bully kept stammering, not getting the reactions they were looking for, and didn’t know how to proceed. Meanwhile, I was sweating like a pig, not because I was alarmed or scared, just from the Energy. It’s not their fault – they were raised that way. It may be their Responsibility to eventually notice how it impacts their Life, if that fits into their plans for the Lifetime – maybe their Soul’s Plan is to Change the World by expressing their Pathological Genius, like Steve Jobs, and they need their Bully to pull it off.
Our reader mentioned having their Mirror handy. This is another Powerful technique. Imagine a wardrobe Mirror, and imagine holding it up between you and the Bully, facing them. Their Energy bounces off and goes right back to them. I’ve had people tell me they can’t do that because it will hurt the Bully! Excuses abound! Many Bullies are so used to this that they’ll just go around, so be prepared to Expand your Mirror if need be. Many will just “come around to the back door.” For some Bullies you’ll need an Igloo or Superdome of Mirrors.
You’ll Feel Guilty. Ground yourself, and send the Guilt down your Grounding Cable, back to the Earth where it can be used for compost. You can’t Choose Forgiveness, but you can Choose between being Bullied and Feeling Guilty, and I hope you’ll Choose the latter, because it’s easier to slough off. You may have any number of other Feelings arise. If your Bully says “Whatsamatta, why you sweating so? Scared?” just say it’s a fever. The less you say the better, as Bullies use conversation to trap you into the Language part of your brain, where you’ll forget to hold your Mirror.
There’s a lot more to say about Mirrors, which we’ll get to later. For instance, when you’ve tapped bruises into yourself and you still can’t Let Go of a nagging bummer, the Emotion may not be yours. Take the first person you think of, imagine Mirroring them for a few minutes, and see if your Feelings Change. If they don’t, take the second person. Or the person you’re telling yourself “It can’t be them!” – spun sugar tongue. Or too much Dependence.
No one knows you’re doing this except you. So there’s no reason this has to alter the rest of your relationship with the person – if it’s your boss, say. You won’t Change them, you’ll only stop Dancing to their fiddle. What you’re Changing is the way you React. If they’re addicted to Bullying they may get bored with your non-Reaction and turn their Attention elsewhere, which might frighten you, and you’ll have to sit with that Fear, or Tap it out (Remember Tapping works just as well when you Imagine it, so you still won’t have to blow your cover). Most likely they’ll just turn to others for their Bullying and direct a more civil part of their Personality toward you. If they don’t have a more civil part, and/or your own Pathological Genius isn’t on the same jetway as theirs, you probably need a change of venue anyway.
Another friend had an experience yesterday that was similar to our reader’s, dealing with a local Bully. They did a Theta Healing on themself, and it worked like a charm; the Bully happened to have a more civil Personality part, and they flipped into it. You could surround yourself in Light, surround them in Light, Tap on your Feeling of Intimidation, or any number of other “tricks” – whatever works for you.
Of course the critical juncture, in addition to finding the Motivation to actually Claim your Space, is the part about noticing. For the first several tries you may be too deep into being Bullied before you remember the Mirror. Try it anyway. Even if it’s too late this time, every time you do remember, you’re building a new Habit, and making it easier the next time. Every time you use the Mirror, it builds the Pattern, and makes it easier next time. The easier it gets to remember and do, the sooner you’ll remember next time. It’s a Virtuous Cycle, and it builds on itself quickly.
These are the Cycles involved with the Pallas corner of the 1/1/2000 Grand Cross:
- Moon Waxing Square Pallas (Challenge to Trust Instincts around Judgment – “The storm ended, all Nature rejoices in brilliant sunshine“)
- Pallas Waxing Square Saturn (Challenge to Change Boundaries around Discipline – “A fully decorated Christmas Tree“)
- Pallas Opposite Uranus (Apparent dichotomy between Safety and Yintegrity – “A Child is seen being born out of an Egg“)
We can see the root of much of the Fear and Hesitation that we’ve been Experiencing over the last three years around dropping our Masks, and we can see how it’s not just the Uranus-Pluto Cycle, but also an integral part of the Century’s Evolutionary process. The Christmas Tree may represent the idealized positive Images from our childhood that we Chose to remember over the less savory memories. Pallas will Square (
Mastery through Challenge) the Nodes (
Life Path) and Vesta (
Unconscious Beliefs) next week (28-30 October, but it makes a Grand Cross with the Moon on 31 October at 2am PDT –
http://www.jbuss.com/tt/pdt2.htm ), so this is an excellent time to practice these Skills.
jbuss Astrology 