More Ego Death

Until 11:20 am PDT 30 April 2020, the symbol for Ego Death (asteroid Nemesis) is very Strong (Stationary).  It’s Merged with (Conjoins) the symbol for Oath-Making and -Breaking (dwarf planet Orcus), and Stands in Sharp Contrast to (Opposes) the symbol for Abuse and Privilege (dwarf planet Nessus).  That sounds a bit ominous, but it offers Opportunities for Healing.  Just for starters, there are no major Challenges (T-Squares) involved in the Sharp Contrast, so Illumination can be the major function of the event.

Abuse, whether Chronic or Acute, is a horrendous Emotional Burden.  Like any Wound, our first Instinct is to Wall it Off, do everything we can to put our Attention on anything else but.  And as with a Physical Wound, by doing that we can create a kind of Cyst, which may fester, or may stay tightly Closed till some later event Opens it and flushes the Toxins out.  Either way, it’s a dark cloud in our Psyche, coloring our view of the Outside World.

Our Limitations are often the result of Decisions, Oaths, or Vows (Orcus) we made ages ago.  We then set up Lifetime Habits to make sure we Defended our Decisions.  When that was Successful, we forgot the original Oath, and our Defensive Thoughts and Behaviors just became our Personality.  The rest of our Self ended up Walled Off in its own Cyst.  Not so much a dark cloud, as a big chunk of Blue Sky that the Sun never seems to find.

The geometry in the chart of this Nemesis Station speaks Clearly…

The major Configuration is what we call a Parachute.  Often Parachutes are symmetrical, which is a great Blessing.  This one’s got a hint of umbrella-after-the-windstorm to it, but it looks like it will still float us to the Ground.  What’s the Crux?  Asteroid Moira, named after the Greek Goddess of Fate.  Does this mean that we’re Stuck with the ills that are befalling us?

Not at all.  Fate and Free Will form a Dichotomy, so we know that it’s an Artifact of the Dualistic Mind.  Reality is Unitary and Multifarious, so any time we encounter a Duality we know we’re looking at a Limitation in the Observer, not something “Objective” – as if there is such a thing.  If it’s Either/Or, it’s Political.  If it’s Real, it’s Both/And.

We’re Fated to Repeat our Karma until we Recognize that we’re running a one-size-fits-all Pattern in our Life that in fact, in most cases, doesn’t actually Work.  Once we Identify with our Observer Self instead of our Thinker or Actor, we can Choose at any point to modify our Thoughts and Behavior.  Since the World as we Experience it is a Mirror for our Thoughts and Behavior, modifying those Changes the World.

That’s a little harder to grasp if we’re an Emotional Thinker (Mercury in Pisces, Cancer, or Scorpio) or if our Emotions Dominate our Value System (Venus, Sun, Moon, or other major Indicators in Water Signs).  With my own planet of Values (Venus) in a Sign of Empathy (Pisces), I had a hard time accepting the notion that we can Choose our Emotions.  That felt like a major Self-Betrayal to me.  Eventually I Realized that I was being the Victim of my own Feelings, and began the long process of Separating my Identity from my Emotions.  That’s an important step toward Identifying with the Immortal and Limitless Soul and moving toward 5D.  What we Identify with, we cannot see without a Mirror.

For me personally, David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates’s Please Understand Me and Jane Roberts’s Nature of Personal Reality were major milestones.  Not to mention Tapping and Theta.

So this Nemesis Station gives us an excellent Opportunity to become a Witness to whatever Abuse we have Suffered, and if we’re very Lucky, perhaps even to grok the Original Oath (such as “I’ll never put myself in that kind of situation again!“) that has Constrained our Relationship with Reality, so that we can Revert it…

Don’t be deterred by the reference to the J-Man.  The same is true of any Personification of Godessness or Godness, or even of our own Making.  Religions like to insist on their own Fave, but we know that if it’s Either/Or it’s Political (Political is the adjectival form of Ego).  The part about Belief is Important, and may require some Tapping/Thetaing or other PIAVAing to Create.  And if we are indeed possessed of Free Will, which of course we are (Both/And), then any “Evil” that we encounter is just a Split-Off part of ourself.  When we made the Oaths that we’re Reverting now, they were in Earnest and served a Positive purpose for us in that Then.  Now they’re just Obsolete.

We aren’t just dealing with the Demise of Egos that evolved from Abuse, but also Egos that devolved from Privilege.  If Abuse is heads and Privilege is tails, the Coin is Power.  If we Claim our Power as Conscious Entities, Sacred Beings, and Lightworkers, then all other Conscious Entities (including Rocks and the like) are our Equals.  We use Negotiation and PIAVAs rather than Privilege, and we Step Aside from Abusers, letting them Act out their Aggressions and Regressions on those who still need that Curriculum.

So what do we do when Privilege comes into our Consciousness, as it has already around here?  The first step is Gratitude.  If we’ve Enjoyed Privilege it’s not because we’ve Earned it, it’s because in one way or another we Asked for it.  Asking necessarily precedes Receiving, and Gratitude necessarily follows it.

One key with Privilege is Abundance.  Abundance means Having Enough to Share.  Sharing is Proof that our Belief is Intact, that we are Receiving from an Abundant and Generous, if not Infinite, Source.  A second key is Self-Love.  If we aren’t Satisfying our own Needs first, then Sharing is a Self-Betrayal, and our Betrayed Self may seek to exact their just Revenge – another dark cloud in our Psyche.

The chart agrees, as it tells us to Pay Attention! (Goddessfinger or green wedge) to the Relationships between our Mercy Killing of Olde Identities that are tied to Obsolete Oaths (Nemesis Stationary Conjunct Orcus), our Self-Sovereignty (Lilith), and the Truth of our Heart (asteroid Aletheia).

We may need to make some awkward Adjustments to a few of our Relationships when we do this, but then every Ego Death requires that we Stand Our New Ground when Others want to paint us back into the Boxes they recognize as “Us.”  No Blame, that’s a natural Reaction from anyone who isn’t always in the Present Moment – which includes virtually all of us.  We just need to be Patient but Persistent with them while we take advantage of the Opportunity to Practice being our Reborn self and re-Introduce ourself to them.  That’s , if the Relationship is worth keeping to our New Persona, and they are capable of Adjusting their Expectations (not everyone will be).

Self-Love and Sustainability have both arisen here in Important ways, but neither of their symbols (asteroid Sappho and dwarf planet Ceres) are prominent in the chart we have in front of us.  They’re very much indirectly involved, and we’ll take that up in a subsequent post.

The chart avers yet again, as a second Instruction to Pay Attention! (Finger of the Yoddess) points to the symbol for the Truth of the Heart (Aletheia) and it’s Relationships with not only the Loving and Gentle Demise of our Olde Oathy Identities (Nemesis-Orcus), but also to the New Identities we are Birthing (asteroid Klotho).

Tying the chart up and wrapping it with a bow is another Pay Attention! Missive, this one Focused on our Self-Sovereignty and of course it’s antithesis Codependence (Lilith) – we may even gain Insights into places where we’re in the Habit of Giving Away our Power.  Its Roots are our Ego Death (Nemesis-Orcus) and our Lesson Plan about Fate/Karma and Choice (Moira).  Remember that it’s Consciousness that Liberates us from what has been Disguised as Fate, so every time you Recognize another Ego Death with its accompanying Letting Go of Rigid Judgments, you Gain more Freedom to Be Yourself and to Pursue What You Really Want.

Also adding a second bow is the Great Gift of Effortless Grace (Grand Trine) between Fate/Choice (Moira), Abuse/Privilege (Nessus), and Rebirth (Klotho), virtually assuring that this whole Ego-Death Adventure will be Easy and Painless.  IF (it’s a big If) we remain Conscious that Karma is in fact Dead, and the only thing that can tie us to it is our ongoing Unconscious Expectation that the Future will be like the Past.  I mean, what Expectation is more Reasonable than that!  But it’s wrong, and Self-Sabotaging.  That’s the nature of Karma after all, Self-Sabotage.

I know, lots to keep track of, but we’re developing New Habits that will better Serve us as we move into a World with more Collaboration, Cooperation, and Community.  As we continue to Practice these Skills and Integrate them with our New Identities, they’ll become more automatic.  Then we can start over, since New Karma will by then have become Ossified.

Oh, one more thing.  We haven’t mentioned two more “bows.”

The big red square and cross or X (Grand Cross) connects Fate/Choice and the Truth of the Heart with our Essence (the Sun) and our Instincts about which Patterns need to be jettisoned (Moon and asteroid Lachesis).  The latter makes an excellent addition to our Identity-Pattern Purge, and the former helps us Identify the Keepers that are really Permanently Ours and not temporary and Obsolete.

The big blue rectangle (Golden Rectangle) makes a contribution of Grace that connects our Oathy Ego Death, our Essence, Fate/Choice, and Abuse/Privilege, providing yet another set of Guideposts to keep us from throwing any Newborns out the window by accident.

Self-Judgment and Self-Love

Well, my apologies.  I finally see why many folks are checking the blog’s home page – when I was cataloging the “first half of 2019” (https://astrobuss.wordpress.com/2018/12/24/2019-first-half/) I just plain missed a couple of Stations.  I thought we were getting a short break between the 12 January Lachesis Station and the 20 January Full Moon Eclipse, but no such luck!

We have to add…

♥ Self-Judgment and Self-Love, 11-20 January

• Nemesis (Guilt, Ego Death) Station, 6 Gemini, 17 January (2:30 pm PST)
• Sappho (Self-Love) Station, 12 Gemini, 20 January (9:30 pm PST)

I’ll amend that earlier post.

In other words, asteroid Nemesis – Ego Death – is Stationary as we speak.  There’s at least one positive about it – it could mean that US federal employees will start getting paid again by 18-20 January, but we’ll get to that.  The other big positive may not Feel so good, but it’s a big Opportunity.  The Nemesis Station Squares (Challenges) our old “friends” OR10 and Nessus, respectively Intrusive Memories and Abuse and Privilege.  Two things to Remember…

1. A Square seems to be about Repeated and Possibly Infinite Torture, while in fact a Square is about Complete Mastery of a Subject.  We – our Current-Moment Ego – didn’t sign up for Repeated and Possibly Infinite Torture, but actually it’s the quickest and most effective path to Complete Mastery.  Because Master can imply Slave, we’ve abandoned Mastery as a description of the Impact of a Square, however, and substituted Adeptness.  A Square is the quickest and most effective path to Becoming Completely Adept at something.
2. Karma is Dead.  When we Re-Experience a Trauma, our natural Reaction is to Push it Away.  But unfortunately that doesn’t work.  The only way to prevent it from returning Again (and Again and Again) is to Move Into it.  Recovery from Trauma was a major theme in the 1980s when Pluto was in Scorpio (fittingly), and the Anthem we used then was The Way Out Is Through.

Now that isn’t always True.  Once Pluto entered Sagittarius, The Way Out Was Letting Go.  Now Pluto is in Capricorn, so now The Way Out Is to Just Fix It.  So how to do that?  Well, one way is to toggle between Moving Into It and Letting It Go. 

We apologize for using a song sung by a Barbie-Doll mimic, because that’s just another thing that we need to Let Go of.  No wonder Lasseter’s in trouble with #MeToo…

https://msmonotone.wordpress.com/2017/09/08/hour-glass-figure/

We’ve all Suffered Abuse in some form; if you aren’t Aware of how you’ve been Abused, Ask for Awareness.  This is an Opportunity to increase your Healthy Control over your own Life.

The Key is that Karma is just Habit, and Habit is Built and Replaced by Repetition.  Every time you Re-Experience Trauma as its Victim you add cement.  But Every time you Let It Go as an Adept, you chip away the mortar.  That’s As An Adept.  That means you first have to dip your toe into it.  You can no longer Run Away from it.  It’s subtle and tricky, to Touch your old Trauma without getting sucked in and drowning in it.  If you have a friend, or a mnemonic, to remind you that it’s no longer Present Moment, that’ll help.

In the 1980s we used “What Color is the Wallpaper?” as our mnemonic, because the walls of the room we’re in now are probably a different color than the walls of the room where our Trauma occurred.  But that may suck you in too deep, if you even remember.  You need to keep at least one hand on the railing so you can pull yourself back out into Now.  Maybe a big

2019

sign?  Or a placard or poster that says something like

“Karma is Dead!
(As long as I continue to Let My Bummers Go and Let My Hurting Self into my Own Heart Unconditionally!)”

Let your Inner Artist work on that one.

Poor-Sweethearting yourself can be Powerful too (https://astrobuss.wordpress.com/category/poor-sweetheart/).

Don’t neglect Tapping.  Gary Craig had great success leading Vietnam PTSD Victims through Re-Experiencing the Edges of their Trauma and Tapping with them.  This is heavy…

In order to Move Through and Let Go of Deep Trauma you may need an EFT professional who’s familiar with PTSD.  A workable approach might be to locate one near you (or within telephone distance), connect with them, tell them you want to try EFT on your Trauma first by yourself, and ask them if they’re willing to take your call if you get in over your head.  They may have useful information for you.  The basic EFT technique I use is this one…

Finally, if it’s Painful between now and 17 January, Recognize that the 20 January Sappho Station that follows, which is all about Self-Love, occurs within a few minutes of the Total Lunar Eclipse, which will make Self-Love very Powerful and more Long-Lasting.

The major Configuration of the Nemesis Station chart…

…is a Square Fez – the Moroccan hat with red sides and blue top and bottom.  The red sides (Squares) are…

• Nemesis Square OR10-Nessus (Abuse/Privilege).  This is a Challenge – consider it an Invitation – to Let Go of our Beliefs that Abuse and Privilege follow us around like a Lost Puppy.

In the Unconscious, Opposites are Equal.  So one way to Approach our Beliefs that we attract or deserve or allowed Abuse (if we don’t bring these Beliefs into Consciousness they’ll Control our Life), is to Examine the ways we are Privileged.  Privilege is actually useful – as long as it doesn’t leave someone else without Privilege.  If you have a friend who likes to buy you lunch, Enjoy it!  And pay it forward, pass it around.  Save half to give to the homeless person on the corner.

But we want to Strive for Balance.  We want to Grant as much Privilege as we Receive.  And we want to Give as little Abuse as possible, and Receive even less.  Having Received Abuse it’s inevitable that we will Give it, Unconsciously if not Consciously.  Stay Safe, but try to steer it toward Abusers…

https://msmonotone.wordpress.com/2017/10/06/pigs-in-politics/

The Keys to any Fez are the green Diagonals (called “Quincunxes” because they connect planets that are five [Quin] Signs [Unx = 1/12] apart).  They’re part of two interlocking Major Tricolors or red-green-blue triangles, indicating Challenge/red, Question/green, Blessing/blue; the green Question Liberates the blue Blessing to resolve the red Challenge.  By Question we mean Curiosity, of the kind that eschews “Figuring It Out.”

Aka PIAVA – Praying, Intending, Asking, Visualizing or Pre-Feeling, Affirming, Commanding, Expanding, or any other Magnetic approach to Creating; see https://astrobuss.wordpress.com/category/manifestation/piava-review/.  We don’t want Answers, we want to Express our Curiosity about How the Result we Want will Manifest – then we want to Let It Be so the Universe can Surprise us.  Resist the Desire to know ahead of time; if you don’t get Surprised, you aren’t Growing.  If we already knew the Answer, we’d have already Manifested it.

The two Major Tricolors are…

• Nemesis Square OR10/Nessus (the Challenge to gently assist the Molt of our Abused Ego),
  • OR10/Nessus Quincunx Makemake (“I Wonder what that’ll look like when it Manifests!“),
  • Makemake Trine Nemesis (Ego Death is the Open Door to Creating).

• Makemake Square Hopi/Quaoar (the Challenge to Recognize and Relax our Judgments in order to Allow What We Want to Manifest),
  • Hopi/Quaoar Quincunx to Nemesis (“Ganeshi, Please Remove All Obstacles to Letting Go of my Attachments to my Judgments“),
  • Nemesis Trine Makemake (I’ll be better able to Manifest What I Want once I Let Go of my Inner Blocks to Receiving it).

Many thanks to MSMonotone, https://msmonotone.wordpress.com/about/home-art-work-titled-nathan-original-works-by-msmonotone-jayanti-maloney/, for the art!

Timelines IIb

Did we provide the Timing for the Nemesis-Nessus Initiations?

An Initiation, by the way, is “just” a Conjunction – when one planet passes another in the Sky, but if the Conjunction stutters (planets are Curious Beings; often when they pass another planet they’ll turn around and come back for a second and third look, and sometimes more), only the first Conjunction in a series is an Initiation. 

The slower a planet is, the “wiser” its influence.  So when a slower planet Initiates a faster one, it’s like the faster planet is giving Shakipat to the slower planet.  The Initiation “informs” the subsequent Cycle.  For instance, Nemesis-Nessus Cycles last four years and four months, give or take, and the current Cycle begins at 6 Pisces, which means “A parade of army officers in full dress.”  So the next four years plus… 

A Nemesis-Nessus Cycle is about Healing Abuse.  Well, more generally it’s about the current-moment Relationship between Ego Death and Abuse or Privilege.  But here we Strive for greater Consciousness, Healing, and Self-Love, so of course we’ll be talking about Healing from Abuse when “Ego Death and Abuse or Privilege” is Lit Up. 

Ego Death is what we almost always have to endure in order to actually make a significant Change in our Lives.  It isn’t always Painful, but often is, as one of the early steps in Ego Death is being forced somehow to Re-Experience the events that led to the formation of our Current Ego.  Now Ego is a good thing – it’s the part of our Psyche that’s in charge of our Survival.  Which means that Ego Death is always Scary.

It Feels like “I am DYING!” which is true, but the accent is on the wrong syllable.  It’s really “<I> – my Olde Ego – is Dying,” or Molting.  If you’re a Narcissistic Duck with the Fairest Feathers of Them All, “you” Die every year when your old Feathers fall off.  Everyone who wears their skeleton on the outside – Crabs, Snakes, Bugs, Hupers (Psychically), has to Molt in order to Grow.

Some people – we could name many in the news for instance – have significant Healing from Privilege to go through!  Most of us have Privilege in our Karma as well as Abuse, and eventually we’ll have to Heal that too.  Suppose for instance you’re a Middle Child.  As a temporary Last-Born you may have been Privileged with more Attention for a while till your younger sibling was born.  Then you may have Experienced your subsequent Abandonment as Abuse, once your “replacement” got all the Attention. 

And for every Past Life as a Slave, we probably also have one as a Slaveowner.  We may or may not consider Privilege to be “Good” Karma, but Alan Watts always said that it’s harder to Let Go of our Good Karma than it is to Let Go of our Bad Karma.  Even if we Strive toward Abundance, the Path to Abundance lies through Detachment.  And Nothing Changes until we Accept it Exactly As It Is.  We can’t Detach from anything without first Accepting it.

And Acceptance doesn’t mean Tolerance.  By Accepting it we become Conscious of it, and without Consciousness there is no Change.  It’s like Blame and Responsibility – Blame is assigning Causation to something in the Past, Responsibility is Choosing to Respond Differently in the Future in order to Achieve Improved Outcomes.  We have to Accept what Happened in the Past in order to move forward without Rancor that would color what we Create in the Future.

So, for the next four plus years the Relationship between Ego Death and Abuse is about “A parade of army officers in full dress” – we’re likely to find it easier to Heal if we can adopt a formal protocol to structure the process, and if we can do it in the context of Community, where we can “parade” our Successes.  And for the next four years plus we’ll be ahead to reframe all of our Ego Death Experiences in terms of Abuse and Privilege.

Nessus crosses OR10 – Uninvited Memories – on 22 January at 12am PST (midnight Sunday night), and crosses Nessus on 27 January at 5pm PST.  These times Initiate the new Cycles.  When a Cycle wears out, we spend a fair amount of time, usually the last fourth or so of the Cycle, “in the Void” – we’re done with the Old Cycle but the New Cycle hasn’t started yet, which leaves us Wandering in the Wilderness.  So we’ve probably been sort of Disoriented about our Healing from Abuse for the last year or so, but now we’re likely to “get down to work” on it.

Most of us spend the Void phase of a Cycle struggling in vain to keep making the Olde Cycle function like it was.  That’s a terrible waste of Energy, but unless we keep track of the Cycles – who does, anyway! – how are we to know, except Intuitively.  We usually have a Strong Intuition that something is afoot well before (weeks, in the case of a 4-year Cycle?) the Initiation of a New Cycle, though if we’re still clinging to the Olde Cycle, that will Inhibit our Intuition.

Then, Disappointingly, once the New Cycle gets underway in earnest, it seems to Disappear.  That’s because it starts working at the Foundations.  For the first quarter of a Cycle, the New Energy is busy underground battling with Unfinished Business from all of the previous Cycles.  For instance, the last Nemesis-Nessus Cycle began in March 2013 at 27 Aquarius, “An ancient pottery bowl filled with fresh violets.”  At that time, fresh off of the End of Time As We Knew It, most of us were already struggling with Change of all kinds, and hesitated to throw ourself full tilt into Healing our Abuse.

So we saved the Structure (the bowl), even though it was obsolete (ancient), and tried dolling it up a bit with Fresh Flowers.  Violets of course are very Healing for surficial Wounds.  We may even have considered the old Structure to have enduring Value (pottery).  Like the Women who voted for the Antichrist.  But all that’s Changing now that the old Cycle has died, and the Abused are Marching Forward in Full Dress and full Resolve for Change.

Now, everything we’ve talked about so far applies to All of Us.  The Culture will be a macrocosm of our Individual Experiences, and our own Personal Experiences will be a microcosm of the Global Experience, tempered by our own Personal Horoscope.  I know many have been Healing for Decades already.  I think its fair to say that more folks will be drawn to Healing, giving those with Healing Experience more Opportunities for Seva, and to pay the rent, preferably both.

You can research the position of your own natal Nessus (and Nemesis, and any other planets you want) at…

http://www.true-node.com/eph1/?inputNumber=nemesis%2Cnessus&day=1&month=1&year=1980&time=00%3A00%3A00&zone=GMT+0&interval_num=1&interval=day&lines=100&amp;.submit=Get+Ephemeris&calendar=Gregorian&zodiac=Tropical&origin=Geocentric&lighttime=Apparent&clock=Universal+Time&zodsec=D%B0M&longitude=on

If you want to forewarn yourself about Intrusive Memories (dwarf planet OR10), use the wording “2007 OR10” in the “names” field at the top of the page.  Commas separate names.  Asteroid Mnemosyne may also be involved with Memory.  You can put in as many names as you want, but only ten or so will fit on a page.  You can also put in whatever timespan you want, but for the new dwarf planets like Nessus and OR10, the orbit isn’t certain enough yet that you can go very far into the Past or Future.

A table of where the planets are at different times is called an “Ephemeris,” or “Ephemerides” (that’s plural, but if you’re looking up two planets at once, well…).  You can get an inexpensive but wholly accurate Ephemeris at…

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_1_13/131-7359963-3839830?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=pocket+astrologer+2018&sprefix=pcket+astrolo%2Caps%2C772&crid=2ZUS9S3PVPCCK

It won’t cover the new dwarf planets like Nessus, or the asteroids; you’ll need to look elsewhere (like the link above, or more expensive Ephemerides) for those, but once you learn how to use an Ephemeris you’ll be off and running.

You’ll Learn a whole lot about Healing your own Abuse by Observing your Experience when the Moon and other planets cross over your natal Nessus and your natal Nemesis.  The Moon is an excellent study guide because it changes position so quickly.  I look for any of the Challenging Angles – a direct crossing, a 90-Degree Angle, 180 Degrees, and 270 Degrees. 

In other words, if your Nessus is at, say, 20 Degrees of Scorpio, then your Nessus would be Lit Up whenever the Moon was at 20 Degrees of Scorpio, 20 Degrees of Aquarius (90°), 20 Degrees of Taurus (180°), and 20 Degrees of Leo (270°).  You’d know it if your natal Nessus was at 20 Scorpio, because Jupiter, which is an Amplifier, would be sitting on it as we speak.  Using those four Angles and the Moon, you’d get to Observe how you Respond to Nessus weekly, enough to get a good handle on it fairly quickly.

Timelines IIa

With much appreciation, a rich trove of excellent Perspectives from Undeniably Sara…

 https://undeniablysara.com/author/undeniablysara/

“Draining boiled pasta water into the sink is a trigger for me – every time.  Chopping onions, doing laundry, mopping the floor, planting a garden and driving – these are just some of the mundane everyday activities that start a movie playing in my head.  I hear every word, see each expression, smell the scents, and experience all the fear as if it were happening again right now.  Even after all these years the memories still give me pause, and I must consciously stop the movie playing and add a narrative that explains these events are in the past.  Remembering past events is not my choice but my reaction to them is, and I choose to see the ridiculousness of the people who hurt me.  It makes them seem small and less threatening which helps me keep moving forward.”

…

“My upbringing encouraged me to hold in my emotions and deny my secrets.  While this muting was not malicious, it resulted in devastating consequences for my life.  A strong person, I was taught, was one who did not react to emotional situations.  Only strong people restrain themselves and their feelings.  Love was one of the emotions kept under wraps encompassing the physical and verbal expressions.  In the end, hiding the abuse my children and I suffered at the hands of their father/my ex-husband resulted in physical and emotional illness, job loss and financial ruin.  I can’t help but wonder how different things would be if I was encouraged to share my thoughts and feelings.  It is difficult and many times uncomfortable to share my story or ‘sing my song’ but I know the process is healing and I am determined to prevail.”

…

…

“I have repeated many things I was too ignorant to repair.  At one point I merely thought I just had bad luck with relationships.  Many times I was told relationship failures were solely my responsibility.  In truth, healthy boundaries were nonexistent in my life, and it took lots of pain and loss for me to see that.  Now I understand that because I did not respect myself, I allowed others to disrespect me.  So, there is some validity to the statement that my failed relationships were my fault.  I failed to repair my broken pieces and that invited manipulative, abusive people into my life.  The process of repairing is well underway but still incomplete making me fear any new relationship.  I am hopeful that someday I will be well enough to have a healthy relationship.  Until then being single and focusing on raising my children is more than enough to fill my days while the repairs continue.”

…

From https://alexhousemn.wordpress.com/2014/02/13/letting-your-light-shine-teens-healing-from-abuse/ via Undeniably Sara.

Timelines II

Before I go on to the Saturn-Klotho Initiation and the Haumea Station charts, let me annotate the previous post a bit more; I had to hurry it out the door because of engagements otherwise…

As Dan & Friends, and others including us, have frequently pointed out that we Feel our way into New Timelines…

https://astrobuss.wordpress.com/2018/01/17/having-it-all/

https://astrobuss.wordpress.com/2017/10/09/piafa-ii/

https://astrobuss.wordpress.com/2018/01/02/world-peace-timeline-ii/

The Saturn-Klotho 4-Capricorn Initiation (“Capricorn 4 is ‘A group of people prepare a large canoe for a journey by water’ – starting another Timeline, an Emotional one,” 5pm PST 21 January), points us in that direction…

The chart isn’t as messy as it looks.  Put your thumb over OR10-Nessus-Nemesis at the upper right, and what we have left is a Diamond Star Enhanced by a Grand Trine…

That’s a pretty Exalted chart!  It’s all about Boundaries (Pallas).  The would-be Challenge (the T-Square) is about whether your Boundaries Enhance your Life Force or Drain it (Varuna-Aletheia), and whether your Values Serve your Self-Love or Diminish it (Venus-Sappho).  Which are pretty Fundamental, and Serious, Challenges. 

But it’s a Diamond Star – the “Bowl of Grace” under the T-Square includes What We’re Manifesting (Makemake), and Which Among Our Beliefs are Archaic (Vesta-Karma).  These are “free clues” that, if we’re Open to the Information they provide, will Facilitate our Letting Go of Values that Diminish our Self-Love and Boundaries that Drain our Life Force. 

By PIAVAing Clarity about the Disconnect between What We Want and What Actually Is (Makemake), we can see where we need to go next with our Tapping and Poor-Sweethearting.  And by PIAVAing Loving Awareness of our Archetypes, we can see where we need to Learn new Responses to the World (Vesta-Karma).

Then we have that fat Earth Grand Trine (Dumb-Luck Grace) in the center, promising Great Blessings between our Boundaries (Pallas), our Truth (Veritas), and our New Timeline (Saturn-Klotho-Quaoar).

But where are the promised Emotions?  None of these twelve planets are in Water Signs.  They’re under your thumb – OR10-Nessus-Nemesis in Pisces.  OR10 signifies Intrusive Memories, Nessus represents Abuse, Nemesis symbolizes Ego Death, and Pisces is about Finishing Business with Emotional Baggage.  Yes, that’s all very Threatening, but it’s a zit on the side of a well-organized chart full of incredible Grace. 

So yes, by all means Feel and Embrace any Fear that the Threat of Revisiting your PTSD evokes.  That step is critical, as without it you may have to Re-Experience the Trauma rather than Revisit it.  What to do with Fear?  Certainly Tap it Out (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzVd6Ww0as4), Breathe (Fear + Breathing = Excitement), and do your Kegels (which in combination with Fear cause Time to slow down so it’s more manageable). 

You may want to enlist an Ally to help keep part of you in the Present Moment.  We Heal first by first Holding our Traumatic Regression and our Present-Moment Safety in our Awareness at the same time – which is why we’ve been practicing Cognitive Dissonance (Holding Contradictory Beliefs without Competition between them) all these years.  And second, by enlisting our Present-Moment Self to Poor-Sweetheart our Regressed Self as a start toward Loving Her Unconditionally and Lovingly Reparenting Her.  Or Him.

We’re describing this as if it’s an easy mechanical process when in fact it’s an Overwhelmingly Emotional process.  But maybe not as Overwhelming as we Fear.  Karma is Dead.  We know that Karma does not Grasp us, we Grasp our Karma, only because it’s a Habit we have.  Our Present-Moment Self and/or our Ally need to Give us Permission to Let Go of the Habit.  Yes, we drop into the Void when we drop that Habit, but Emptiness is the Womb that precedes Rebirth – another important reminder for our Guides to Give us.

And the chart is full of Grace.  Healing our Emotional Baggage is only the Rider; the Enhanced Diamond Star is the Horse.  The Horse can carry you much farther, and with much greater Ease, than you can travel on your own.  And the Timing is Gloriously Right.  Grand Septiles are rare, and if we can use this one to Let Go of Emotional Baggage that stands between us and our Liberation, it’s a phenomenal Blessing.  You know from Experience how Effortless something is when the Time Is Right, and how Impossible the same task can be when the Time Isn’t Right.

One more boon.  Nessus-Nemesis (Letting Go of Trauma) is part of a second T-Square, with Vesta-Karma (Archaic Self-Sabotage) and Veritas (Present-Moment Truth).  This T-Square is Trine-Bridged by Pallas/Boundaries – the primary Benefactor of the original Enhanced Diamond Star…

So, what would happen if there was an additional planet Opposing Saturn-Klotho, at 4 Cancer?  We’d have another Diamond Star, which would greatly Ease the whole Letting-Go-of-Emotional-Baggage process.  A Vacancy in an almost-Major-Configuration becomes the Power Point of the chart, because if we can Consciously provide that Energy, we Complete the Configuration and Balance the Energy – the astrological equivalent of Tapping. 

Cancer 4 is “A cat arguing with a mouse.”  That’s our Doubt, Anxiety, and Lack of Trust.  Arguments are Either/Or contests, Energy-wasting Diversions.  So we need to be Hypervigilant for these Mental Noises, Poor-Sweetheart them, Tap Out the Anxiety, thank them for attempting to contribute, Chuckle at them Tenderly, and send them away with instructions to return when they’ve Negotiated Win-Win.  They’re likely to come back with the password to Smaug’s hoard.

Anti-Life Beliefs 2

Before we talk more about the chart of the Varuna-Vesta Initiation, let’s add a few relevant astroevents to the timetable…

• 9am PDT 19 October – asteroid Moira Opposes Varuna
• 2pm PDT 22 October – Moon crosses Vesta-Varuna
• 6pm PDT 22 October – Varuna Initiates Vesta at 1 Leo, “irruption of bio-psychic energies into the ego-controlled field of consciousness” (Rudhyar)
• 1am PDT 23 October – Sun Squares Varuna

The Sun (Essence) heads a T-Square (Mastery through Challenge) across the Opposition between Varuna and Moira (Fate).

• 11am PDT 30 October – New Moon at 8 Scorpio
• 4pm PDT 30 October – Varuna turns Retrograde at 1 Leo
• 31 October – Hylonome Sextiles Nessus, base of a Finger of God to Vesta-Varuna
• 2pm PDT 1 November – asteroid Atropos turns Retrograde at 11 Cancer

Asteroid Atropos symbolizes Endings.  It makes a Grand Trine with the New Moon and Neptune-South Node.  Hylonome also represents Separation from Archetypes, echoing our Cellular-level Clearing and the Demise of Abusive Cultures.

The simultaneous New Moon will extend the impact of the Varuna-Vesta Initiation for several weeks.  The New Moon is not within Sensitivity range of the Initiation to make an impact on our day-to-day Experience.  However, the correspondence in time with the Varuna Station is.  And if we read this as the birth chart for the New Selves we are rebirthing – minus some very ancient Cellular Programming – the New Moon Squares (Mastery through Challenge) the Initiation.

• 6 November – Hylonome Sextiles OR10, base of a Finger of God to Vesta-Varuna
• 6pm PST 9 November – Nessus Initiates Nemesis at 3 Pisces, Desertification
• 11am PST 11 November – OR10 Initiates Nemesis at 3 Pisces
• 6am PST 14 November – Nessus turns Direct at 3 Pisces
• 6pm PST 19 November – OR10 turns Direct at 3 Pisces

These astroevents tie our earlier Revolution against Abuse and Privilege to the current Cleansing of Genetic and Epigenetic Cellular toxins.  So we can expect that these “Nasty Women,” as Elizabeth Warren puts it, are just getting started.  And we can expect that Trump’s faux Revolution against the Corporatocracy is just getting started as well.  Now all we need to do is Manifest a cadre of non-Sexist non-Racist pro-Huper pro-Earth center-left politicos to take over from the ‘Rump’s right-wing sanguine- napes.

Moira is a group name for the three Fates – cloth-cutting Klotho, length-measuring Lachesis, and chord-snipping Atropos.  All four of the corresponding eponymous asteroids are involved here, suggesting that this is no surprise to Whomever has planned all this.

• Moira Opposes Vesta-Varuna
• Klotho Conjoins Haumea (Rebirth), Opposite Uranus-Eris (Yintegrity), implying that our Intentions here will have a lot to do with how our Future unfolds
• Lachesis is traveling with Nessus and OR10, implying that Abuse and Privilege can expire
• Atropos is Stationary on the Day of the Dead (what a Coincidence!), Opposite Saturn, implying that if we’re Clear about What We Want, Endings can be Clean

More to follow.