One of the fundamental principles of our Relationship to the Universe is that Fear is Cold and Hard, while Love is Warm and Soft. Fear creates scar tissue, walling off Physical and Emotional Trauma into pockets that become Unconscious, or Denied. Again, Denial is a healthy Response to Overwhelm, it’s just not the most Healing Response possible if we have options.
Next time you scratch or cut or bruise yourself, watch closely how you React. My “natural” (ie, Habituated) Reaction is to Psychically “seal off” the wound; is yours? When I Consciously Choose to Open to it, Warm it (in my Imagination or Physically, putting my hand or a wrap on it), and Soften around it, I can Feel the Healing Energy start to flow. Putting your hand on a wound, or if it reaches putting the wound to your Heart, adds Healing Energy directly.
In Relationship, including our Relationship with ourself, Fear Manifests as either Abandonment or Suffocation. Some of us React primarily from Abandonment (our Hungry Ghost can’t get enough), some of us primarily from Suffocation (we back away from Love, we have difficulty Receiving), and most of us manage to React from our Abandonment at some times and from our Suffocation at other times. It’s particularly Frustrating to Experience both at once.
Recognizing Abandonment and Suffocation day-to-day is a good way to Depersonalize the Heavy Emotions that arise in Relationships. We can replace “Oh my God, they don’t Love me!” with “Oh, there’s my Abandonment again.” With a little practice it almost becomes “You poor Sweetheart, you’re Feeling your Abandonment again, aren’t you.” And when someone is clinging to our coattails a little too tightly for our comfort, we can Recognize that they’re in their Abandonment and, recalling our own, we can be Kind to them without having to React or Pretend or call them a disfavored Body part.
Or, if someone is clinging to our coattails a little too tightly for our comfort, we can Recognize that we’re in our Suffocation, and loosen up a little. Instead of snapping at them or being snitty, we can take a brief Time-Out and give ourself a quick “You poor Sweetheart, you’re Feeling Suffocated again, aren’t you” or even just a “Oh, there’s my Suffocation again.” In a Relationship we want to keep and develop, this can make all the difference between their Experiencing us as Cold and Hard, or Experiencing us as Soft and Warm.
Practice this enough, and pretty soon we’re making Conscious Choices moment by moment about how permeable or impenetrable we want our Boundaries to be, tuning our Safety and Vulnerability to the situation at hand, rather than Reacting from the Unconscious Karmic Archetypes and Programmed Trances that previously ran our Life and Relationships.
This is only one aspect of the Mystery School we’re all enrolled in. It’s about earning our Self-Sovereignty through becoming Conscious of what we hadn’t Realized was Behavior Motivated by Fear. Abandonment is Fear that we won’t get what we need. Suffocation is Fear that we won’t have the space to be who we Really Are. I’ll wager it won’t take you more than half a minute to see where Abandonment and Suffocation fit into your Relationship Patterns.
We can extend this to Abundance. When we’re Feeling Scarcity, or Anxious about Survival, what happens when we say to ourself, “Oh, there’s my Abandonment again”? The Patriarchal Culture programs us to think our Abundance is All Me, completely the result of my own Work or Smarts or Schmoozing. It’s not. Before the Lizards invented money, it was all about Community. You could freeze to death, or starve all on your own, but you couldn’t do much else without your Community. Outside the propaganda storm, it’s still that way.
Next time you catch yourself hating what you have to do to make money, tell yourself “Oh, there’s my Suffocation again.” Very few of our Emotions are “Caused” by what the acculturated Mind thinks they’re Triggered by. If it’s “I hate this job” your Projecting your Suffocation on your job, and you’re in a Cold and Hard place besides. You could even tap on “Even though I Feel Suffocated doing this, I deeply and completely Love and Accept myself.” You’d be withdrawing the Projection and moving to Soft and Warm in a few sequences.
That alone could shift you into Gratitude and help you Realize that you already are in Community, even if it’s not exactly the Community you ultimately Want to Manifest. The next step would be Realizing that you’ve Proven to yourself that you do know how to Create Community. Then you can PIAVA whatever Improvements you’d like to see in your Community, and sooner or later you’d find yourself Planning and Executing steps in that direction.
Owning your Abandonment and Suffocation as your own endogenous Emotional processes – Emotions that arise without Clear External Triggers, even though, sure, your Mind can easily find a hundred faux current-moment rationalizations – will put you in a position of Neutrality. Neutrality is necessary to be Fully Present in the Moment so you can Manifest directly without having to make it into a Struggle.
Griz doesn’t Struggle to find Huckleberries to add pudge to see Her through Her long winter’s nap, she just Sniffs the Air, senses the Changing Light, hears the Hucklebushes calling her name, and knows it’s time to go up the Mountain for her sweet and savory Autumn feast. Yes, sometimes the Huckleberry crop fails and She wakes us hungry mid-winter and has to raid Huper cabins to get through, but that’s not much of a Struggle either, since Hupers make their doors so flimsy. We only Struggle because we get Attached to our Beliefs and Project our unpleasant Feelings into our surroundings.