Timelines IIa

With much appreciation, a rich trove of excellent Perspectives from Undeniably Sara…

 https://undeniablysara.com/author/undeniablysara/

“Draining boiled pasta water into the sink is a trigger for me – every time.  Chopping onions, doing laundry, mopping the floor, planting a garden and driving – these are just some of the mundane everyday activities that start a movie playing in my head.  I hear every word, see each expression, smell the scents, and experience all the fear as if it were happening again right now.  Even after all these years the memories still give me pause, and I must consciously stop the movie playing and add a narrative that explains these events are in the past.  Remembering past events is not my choice but my reaction to them is, and I choose to see the ridiculousness of the people who hurt me.  It makes them seem small and less threatening which helps me keep moving forward.”

“My upbringing encouraged me to hold in my emotions and deny my secrets.  While this muting was not malicious, it resulted in devastating consequences for my life.  A strong person, I was taught, was one who did not react to emotional situations.  Only strong people restrain themselves and their feelings.  Love was one of the emotions kept under wraps encompassing the physical and verbal expressions.  In the end, hiding the abuse my children and I suffered at the hands of their father/my ex-husband resulted in physical and emotional illness, job loss and financial ruin.  I can’t help but wonder how different things would be if I was encouraged to share my thoughts and feelings.  It is difficult and many times uncomfortable to share my story or ‘sing my song’ but I know the process is healing and I am determined to prevail.”

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“I have repeated many things I was too ignorant to repair.  At one point I merely thought I just had bad luck with relationships.  Many times I was told relationship failures were solely my responsibility.  In truth, healthy boundaries were nonexistent in my life, and it took lots of pain and loss for me to see that.  Now I understand that because I did not respect myself, I allowed others to disrespect me.  So, there is some validity to the statement that my failed relationships were my fault.  I failed to repair my broken pieces and that invited manipulative, abusive people into my life.  The process of repairing is well underway but still incomplete making me fear any new relationship.  I am hopeful that someday I will be well enough to have a healthy relationship.  Until then being single and focusing on raising my children is more than enough to fill my days while the repairs continue.”

Healing Flame

From https://alexhousemn.wordpress.com/2014/02/13/letting-your-light-shine-teens-healing-from-abuse/ via Undeniably Sara.

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