Nemesis Next

Once we get past our 4 Pisces 30 May OR10 Station, our next hurdle is the Station of Nemesis on 3 June at 5 Aquarius, followed by a 14 Libra Jupiter Station on 9 June.  Slow-moving dwarf planet that it is (at 550 years, it takes OR10 almost twice as much time to do a full loop as Pluto, which laps in 250 years), I don’t expect much bleedthrough from lowly asteroid Nemesis (which whips around every four and a half years); OR10 and its Vignettes are more likely to dominate center stage.

Orbital speed cuts both ways.  The slower a planet moves, the less often we get to Experience its Dances.  With less Experience comes less Competence, and we’re more often caught off guard.  The essence of a newly discovered planet is that its Influence is Emerging from the undifferentiated Unconscious.  When something Emerges into Consciousness, it isn’t Discovered, it’s Differentiated.  It’s not like we’re just Discovering these Vignettes – I can’t step into the shower without encountering at least one “Random” Memory of some Shameful or Guilty or Regretted Experience or event, and it’s been that way as long as I can remember.

What’s new about these Vignettes in the Age of OR10 (which was Discovered a decade ago and is the third largest Plutoid – but which still lacks a name!) is the Recognition of the Opportunity these Vignettes give us to Reorganize our Identity.  Shame is one of the most Difficult Emotions to Love to Death, but that’s exactly what we have to do with it.  And, being one of the most Difficult, it’s one of the most Rewarding.  Recovering the Identities hidden beneath our Shame is phenomenally Liberating.  Loving our Guilt to Death can also be a Powerful antidote to Self-Sabotage.  Regret, having a poignancy of its own, is Easier to be Loving with, but it’s what we Regret that we have to Recover in order to step toward Wholeness.

Now whenever we Expand our Identity to include parts that previously hid behind Shame or Guilt or Regret or Fear or any other Held (Avoided) Emotion, an Ego Death is likely.  Anytime we change the list of adjectives that we use to describe ourself, and especially when we neuter a Judgment about ourself and move from a Duality to the Coin that includes both sides, we hatch a new Ego, which means molting the old one.  So (when we use it to reorganize our Identity rather than just gossiping with ourself) there’s a strong Connection between OR10 and Nemesis anyway, even when they aren’t simultaneously Strong.

Even if we assign only one Degree to the Sensitivity of a Station, the Nemesis Station would still Light Up two and a half weeks, as it slows to Stand Still (Nemesis, like most asteroids, averages about one Degree every four days).  So there’s no question that Nemesis really is Stationary even though it’s like trying to find Saturn in daylight; the influence of the far-rarer, less-familiar, and closer-to-its-Station (hence Stronger) OR10 will drown it out.  Asteroid Nemesis was Discovered 145 years ago, so we’ve had five generations to get familiar with Ego Death.

With OR10 much Stronger just now, why don’t we see if we can Expand our Identity without the Pain we usually associate with Ego Death.  Just to take a “random” example, one of my more recent Vignettes was about the Regret I felt about, some fifty or so years ago, not Feeling (Emotional) Love for a perfectly Beautiful and Gracious young potential partner who was hungry to be Loved.  Unless you’re fully into Yintegrity around Relationship, Emotional Love is supposed to be an Either/Or, and the alternatives are socially risky.  So how might I Expand my Identity around this Vignette?

My Regret was for an Opportunity Lost, not because I was Rejected, but because my Heart “forced” me to Reject.  The other person’s Pain was and is acute for me because it is my Pain.  As a Weirdo like many of us ( http://danielscranton.com/you-are-the-leaders-of-the-future-%e2%88%9ethe-9th-dimensional-arcturian-council/ ), Rejection was my bane too.  So it hurt, and still hurts, to Reject.  When I say to myself, “You poor Sweetheart, you really Wanted to be Loved, didn’t you,” there is a Softening in my chest and an Opening in part of my Heart, toward the back.  I can feel an energetic “muscle” between my navel and my neck (the Central Meridian perhaps) strengthening, and a whole panoply of seemingly unrelated thoughts and memories arise.  Which is just fine; we expect Paradox around Real Life.

On the other side of the coin, in another recent Vignette deriving from a few years later, a Perfectly Beautiful and Gracious potential partner who was firmly attached to someone else, showed me Exceptional Kindness, leaving me utterly Confused about how to Respond or show my Gratitude.  That Delicious Experience triggered my own Longing in a way that created Regret that I didn’t have that sort of Experience in my Life routinely.  When I try “You poor Sweetheart, you really Wanted to be Loved, didn’t you” on this Vignette, it Opens to a black space. 

When I try “You poor Sweetheart, you really Wanted to Possess Love, didn’t you,” my third Chakra softens into Sadness.  When I now try “You poor Sweetheart, you’re really Sad about your Isolation, aren’t you,” my Yes-Buts arise – “You can’t do Either/Or, it doesn’t work” says a disembodied telepathic “voice.”  When I then try – after a couple of false starts that don’t lead to Satisfying places – a Theta Healing,

“God/Goddess, Creator of All That Is, I Command that I Accept this Paradox and Let Go of All Anxiety around it;
Thank you, God/Goddess, It Is Done, It Is Done, It Is Done;
Show me,”

I’m left in a space that’s very Neutral, and my chest is pleasantly Expanded.

Okay, so we seem to have Expanded our Consciousness (while seeming to Silence some intellectual Noise) without having to Endure any grueling Ego Deaths.  Nemesis is not inherently about Pain.  It’s our Resistance to Change that creates Pain.  The Ego by its nature is Tenacious, and that’s a good thing.  We need to Negotiate Win-Win with it and with the Unconscious that runs the Show most of the time.  Michael Roads has some nice ideas for us (Through the Eyes of Love: Book Three, pp.176-7)…

“If, living in New York City, you decide to fly to Sydney, Australia, you are not going to just wander into the airport and get on the first plane going anywhere.  You are going to determine your destination and buy tickets accordingly, making sure you get on the correct aircraft.

“On that basis, if, when you wake up in the morning, you get out of bed and mindlessly go about your day … as you have every other day … it is going to be a day, a year, a life of endless repeats of all your yesterdays.  Literally, lifetimes of repetitions.

“If, however, you wake up in the morning, and placing your hands over your heart, you murmur, ‘Today, I choose Love.  Today, I am going to focus on loving myself, on loving other people, and loving my life.’  This is a prime, life-changing choice.  With this beginning to your day, you consciously revisit that choice, living it, feeling it, and reaffirming it as often as you can throughout the day.”

“It has to be a conscious choice.  Conscious choices are rare.  Most choices are subconscious, following an already predetermined pattern of which most people are unaware [which is ‘fate’].  So, another morning, hand over heart, ‘Today I choose appreciation.  Today I will appreciate myself, other people, and my life.’  Choices like this are life-changing.

“Another day, ‘Today I choose respect.  Today I am going to respect myself, other people, and my life.  And so on.  Day-after-day you make the choices that remodel and renovate your life.  But, it all has to be conscious choices, and those choices must be consciously lived.”

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