January, Week 2, Early

We are all Perps as much as we are Victims.  We are always In Balance; what Feels Out of Balance is Balanced by the Unconscious.  As a Victim, at the very least we are Perpetrating a toxic Lack of Self-Love upon our Victim Self.  Moving into Balance involves bringing the Unconscious Ballast into Consciousness.  We do that with a Searching and Fearless Inventory of what Frightens us – most especially Death, since most Fears reduce to that – Owning our Fears, and Empathizing with ourselves over them: “You poor Sweetheart, you’re really Scared of Death, aren’t you.”

That does two things; it gets us Honest with ourself so we no longer have to Protect ourself against what we Deny and Fear.  And it shifts our “Assemblage Point,” or Identity, from being in Fear to being in Compassion.  Examine the syntax…  

“I am Scared” literally means that Fear and I are Merged as One.

“I Feel Scared” means that I have Separated myself from my Fear far enough that I now Recognize it as an Emotion rather than a Reality.

“You poor Sweetheart, you’re Scared, aren’t you” means that I am now looking back at my (now formerly) Frightened self with Compassion.  You can shorten that last sentence to “I am … Compassion.”

This isn’t wordplay, this is quite Real.

Then we Tap ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzVd6Ww0as4 ).  “Even though I’m Frightened by the Idea of Death, I deeply and completely Love and Accept myself.”  It’s the same process – your Identity Assemblage Point is shifting from “I am Fear” to “I am Feeling” to I am Self-Love.”  But with Tapping, you’re also programming your Energy Body, as you tap on the Acupressure points at the end of each Meridian.

Note that we took a detour there.  Instead of “Even though I’m Frightened by Death, I deeply and completely Love and Accept myself” we said “… I’m Frightened by the Idea of Death …” – which is actually usually the case.  So we go from “I am Fear” to “I am Thinking” to “I am Feeling” to “I am Self-Love.”

The two processes – “You poor Sweetheart…” and Tapping complement one another perfectly.  Tapping is Energy Medicine to calm your Emotions.  Calming your Emotions quiets the Vicious Circle of Thoughts that reinforce your Unpleasant Emotions.  “You poor Sweetheart…” puts you – your Identity, your Psychic Core – in a position to Recover the Abandoned parts of yourself that are Scared.  They’re Scared for good reason – they’ve been Abandoned, Banished.  Except in Primary Cultures where one Learns Self-Reliance as part of one’s Childhood, being Abandoned means Death.

Saying “Cancel, Neutralize, Upgrade” to yourself is similar, but starts in the mental.  You’re declaring your Intention (PIAVAing in other words) that your negative thoughts be Canceled, that their Vibration (Energy, Emotion) be Neutralized, and that you be Upgraded (into Self-Love).  Every Prayer is answered, and every thought is a Prayer.  Becoming Conscious of your Self-Sabotaging thoughts is an important part of bringing the Self into Balance so your Perp and your Victim Cancel one another Out like two identical sine waves that are perfectly out of phase ( if you’re interested in the science, see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superposition_principle#Wave_interference ).

Helplessness and Powerlessness are Real, and it’s easy to be Victims of Helplessness and Powerlessness.  What is required is that we Be Responsible To – not For – our Helplessness and Powerlessness.

It’s not our Fault – that’s Blame, which is Looking to the Past to assign Fault.  We need to move to Responsibility, which involves Looking at the Future with the Intention of Changing Outcomes.  To be Responsible For something sounds a whole lot like being To Blame for it.  To be Responsible To something means that  we give it our Attention and Obedience.  What does it mean to be Responsible To our Powerlessness?

We can start by switching from “I am Powerless” to “I Feel Powerless.”  From there we can go to “You poor Sweetheart, you’re really Feeling Powerless, aren’t you.”  We may never have the Power to Change the World (though that’s debatable), but we always have the Power to Change our Relationship to the World.  Changing ourself is the onliest Power we have.  So we’re never actually Powerless.  

We may have to Break a lot of Habits and Tap Out a lot of Emotions to Create Significant Change, but we have the Power.  We just have to take the first step.  That’s how Habits are Changed, through Repetition, starting with the first step.

As adults, most of the time our Fear of Abandonment (which our Fear of Death usually reduces to) isn’t fully Present Time – though at least in the US, our modern neo-Dickensian Culture is in fact Abandoning us.  Most of our Fear of Abandonment is a regression to the Real Abandonment we Suffered as Children, when we really didn’t have the Skills to Survive on our own, so we had to depend upon our Abusers, even though we loathed our Abuse.

But guess what.  Even though we didn’t have the Power to Change our Abuse or our Abusers, we did have the Power to Change our Relationship to our Abuse, and we did just that.  We numbed out, we went into Denial, we Learned how to put on many of the Masks that we’ve been Taking Off lately.  Denial is a healthy psychological process.  It’s what we do with Overwhelm.  If we don’t have the Skill to deal with it otherwise, we Deny it.  It’s how we Survive, losing a battle but staying Alive to potentially win the war later.

Denial is Power, part of our Skillset.  So is bringing Ballast out of the Unconscious so we can Change our Relationship to it.  We Denied our Abandonment as Children, we Recover our Abandonment as adults, by bringing it into Consciousness where we can Recognize the chain of thoughts and Emotions that feed it, Own them, “You poor Sweetheart…” them, Cancel-Neutralize-Upgrade them, and Tap them Out.  Not always Easy, but we have to start somewhere.  It requires only Persistence, and our Abandonment is the best Motivation there is for Persistence.

We didn’t mention earlier that before it goes Stationary in a few hours (2am PST 8 January), Mercury sticks a toe back into Sagittarius.  There in the penultimate Degree of Sagittarius, it Conjoins Quaoar (Survival), Pholus (Full Responsibility), and the Galactic Center (a Communique from Headquarters) – that’s where it is as I write this.

Another thing I forgot to mention, as by “coincidence” I didn’t notice it till now, is that Vesta (Unconscious Beliefs) is still Conjunct Varuna (the Life Force), which has dipped its toe back into Cancer.  So the Mercury Station is Quincunx (Curiosity) to Vesta-Varuna – in some Paradoxical and not-so-Paradoxical ways, our Epiphanies (Mercury Stationary) about Survival and Responsibility (Quaoar-Pholus) are closely Related to Letting Go of our Unconscious Beliefs that are Anti-Life -Beliefs that aren’t Self-Loving.

Remember too that Vesta was a corner of that Grand Quintile (Learning Opportunity) that we’re enjoying today.  So the GQ is…

• Vesta-Varuna (Rooting out Anti-Life Unconscious Beliefs)
• Hopi (Respect for All Things – including ourself)
• Juno-Saturn-Ixion-Nemesis (Recovery of our Abandoned Genius and the Ego Deaths and Expansion of Consciousness that are necessary to get there)
• Pallas-Venus-OR10-Nessus-South Node (Irruption of Current- and Past-Life Memories of Abuse and the Setting of Boundaries against same)
• Moon (Authenticity)

We’re Learning about how all of these things are Related.  How long does this Grand Quincunx stay with us?  Well, the Moon is the obvious “weak link,” as moving about half a Degree per hour, it will only stay in the GQ for about half a day (using our usual three Degrees of Sensitivity, plus another three Degrees to traverse the Angle to the Ixion and Nessus Stellia).

But even without the Moon in the GQ, we have four of the five corners of the Pentagram, which makes the Strongest point of the almost-GQ the Vacancy that the Moon temporarily occupies today.  

That position is the Midpoint of Taurus, one of the four Power Points of the Zodiac, aka the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.  Prior to our current Precession of the Equinoxes, these were the locations of the four Royal Stars of Persia.  In mid-Taurus Aldebaran, greatest Star of all, heralded the Persian Spring, and signified Success as long as strict Integrity and Honor was followed – our Authenticity corner in the GQ.

Today, post-Precession, the Star Menkar – A Victim of the Unconscious – occupies the Midpoint of Taurus.  I’m not making this up; check Solar Fire or Bernadette Brady!  What a “coincidence,” that [Liberation from] our Victimhood by the Perp in the Unconscious occupies this Location.  The Unconscious is non-Dual; in the Unconscious Victimhood and Liberation from Victimhood are the same Energy, differing only by whether heads or tails is showing.  As Conscious Beings we have the Power to Choose, so I Choose Liberation.

The other “weak link” in the GQ is asteroid Hopi.  As an asteroid, it would normally vacate its position in about two weeks.  But Hopi turns Retrograde on 24 January, so Hopi remains within Sensitivity from December through February at the very least.  There are very slow-moving “planets” in all of the other corners – Varuna, Ixion, OR10, and Menkar, which moves only at the speed of Precession.

The next Big Adventure for this Graduate Course in Liberation from our Archetypes is 12 January, when the Moon crosses Varuna and Vesta.