Upper Limits

A Reader shares a recent Dream…

In a bank, with a long line at the teller’s window.  I stood in the line, but then began playing with my toddler daughter.  At one point she said, ‘Mommy, I think it’s your turn.’  I went to the window, but the teller picked up the check and deposit slip and set it aside and told me sternly, ‘Sorry, you have to wait in line if you want me to deposit this.’  

“This made me very angry and I told my daughter, ‘I will just take my business somewhere else,’ and went to take my check back.  But the teller said, ‘Go back in line if you want this back’ (very sternly, like she was punishing me for enjoying myself with my child and not following rules).  This made me really angry, wondering how she could treat me like this.  I said I would call the cops, that this is illegal.  I felt hurt, brushed aside, helpless. 

“This triggered, when I woke up, really deep feelings of deep pain and helplessness with my children when they were very young, how being a single parent (my husband traveled all the time, and when he was home he didn’t do anything with us, and would get mad if I asked for help), dragging my kids along everywhere, them not cooperating, feeling helpless when I wanted to be a good mom and yet didn’t know how to handle them, tired, despairing, helpless, hopeless.  
“The pain was so deep, and yet, I did not even know I had it.  I cried and stayed with the pain while intending that I see though it and let it go.  I did appreciate being shown this pain that I did not remember, as it was certainly ‘mine,’ historically.”
This is a perfect illustration of what we refer to as “Held Emotions,” symbolized by the South Node.  It’s likely that this is not the first Lifetime in which our Reader has encountered this Archetype, as it’s a variation on the grip of Slavery that the Patriarchy has held over Women (and most Men, actually) for several millennia now.  These are the things we Tap Out or otherwise Stand Still for in Step Three of our earlier Aim Higher post.  Our Reader describes the Skillful job she did in Standing Still for the Pain.  
This is an Archetype, an Energy Field that exists apart from us as individuals.  Every time anyone Stands Still (as opposed to running away or hiding again) for a hurtful Archetype, it weakens.  This is Sisiutl, the two-headed Monster that turns to Stone anyone who holds its gaze.  Standing Still and closing our eyes, the Monster comes closer and closer, and as we endure its foul breath it surrounds us, its two heads see one another, and it is Sisiutl that turns itself to Stone.
Our Unconscious Limiting Beliefs have their origins in “real” historical or Karmic events.  When it’s time for us to stretch beyond them – as it is now, BigTime, as we described in Aim Higher – we often run into a re-creation of those events, as if the doorway is blocked by a Black Widow’s web, with Her Majesty in the center waiting for us.  The re-creation may be virtual or hardcopy.  It works like Karma – it doesn’t grasp us, we grasp it.  So if we Let Go, we can Liberate ourselves and dismiss the Limiting Belief in the process.
Hidden behind our Held Emotions and Limiting Beliefs, are the Skills we learned long ago, but forgot we had because they were buried by the Pain.  Those are the Skills we need to accomplish our Mission in the Lifetime.  This is the Earth Game.  It’s not about Stepping off the Treadmill, that’s just a story.  It’s about melting these destructive Archetypes, one Sisiutl Experience at a time.  Eventually, someone will melt the Last shred of that Field, and we will all be free of it.  You can see a Death Rattle of this Archetype in the Antichrist who’s running for the US presidency.
Gay Hendricks refers to these as our “Upper Limits” – when things are going too well for us, we invent something to bring us back to where we’re Comfortable, lest we be frightened by our own Light and the realization that we are “Powerful beyond Measure.”  There’s usually no need for invention, though, as our Personal and Collective Shadows hold many Monsters that can help keep us in line as our small self.  There is seldom only one encounter with these Monsters – they retest us to be sure we won’t fall back into their arms.  It gets easier every time, though.  
Here’s Genia Haddon’s description of this Archetype (Body Metaphors, p.20)…
“Patriarchal culture greatly elevates the phallic masculine qualities, expecting a subordinate all-yin feminine to provide sufficient counterbalance.  But unless relativized by the presence of the testicular [yin] masculine plus both the gestative [yin] feminine and the exertive [yang] feminine, eventually the phallic masculine turns pernicious.  
“The exaggerated phallus becomes intrusive, rigidly erect and unbending, hard, harsh, domineering, coercive, invasive, exploitative.  It results in the raping of the planet’s natural resources, questionably intrusive medical procedures, the proliferation of penislike instruments that shoot bullets and missiles, perpetual striving for dominance by powers and superpowers, dependence on rigid doctrine in religion, absence of contextual compassion in the legal system, and so on.”
In Genia’s view, the emergence of the Patriarchy, where the Whole is an Individual, was as inevitable as the initial emergence of the Matriarchy, where the Individual was merely a unit of the Community Whole, with no independent Identity.  In the Matriarchy, our Reader would not have been alone in her “duties.”  In this Perspective, the Yang Masculine will eventually yield to the Yang Feminine, where all Dualities defined by the Patriarchy will achieve equal status, and both the Individual, and any Groups it joins, will form Wholes, Wholes of Wholes.
In the Mythology behind astrology, it is Lilith – Yindependence and Self-Sovereignty, that symbolizes the Yang Feminine.  
In our Reader’s chart, her Natal Lilith completes a Grand Trine with Transiting Orcus and Chariklo, lending great Grace to her Liberation.  Orcus is the Punisher of those who would Betray their Oaths, one of the original enforcers for the Patriarchy.  Orcus symbolizes the sort of Guilt and Inadequacy she felt about her difficulties with her kids – and the Transcendance of that same Guilt and Inadequacy.  Orcus is like Sisiutl, and will turn itself to Stone when we Stand Still for it.  And of course Orcus Opposes Neptune, so her Natal Lilith completes a Transiting Neptune Kite, symbolizing that her Work on this Archetype, while Experienced as deeply Personal, is in fact a lot more than Personal, a Wayshower for the Collective.

One Response to “Upper Limits”

  1. alchemist0310 Says:

    Feeling the dreamer in this latest posting. I too am falling steadfastly into the dream. It is beyond scary. Doing my best to tap this away… stand with it… it feels like a slow death, an elephant on the chest… such an ominous feeling today.

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