Authenticity and Self-Sovereignty

rhodoc2982bpRhodochrosite Crystals, symbol of the Heart’s Tenderness.

A reader writes…

“I still seem to be alienating everyone in my crosshairs; my orphan, abandonment, archetype, as well as non.acceptance from my ‘family of origin,’ and other sundry members, mirroring back their disdain of me?  hmmmmm.  I speak what I feel, and that is very hard for others.”

Yup, welcome to the club.  Our Olde Ego will try every trick at its disposal to help us Resist Rebirth, because the Ego is in charge of keeping us Safe, and at least in some sense it’s been working (we’re still alive), while that Rebirth stuff is Unknown, and very risky!  What it we lose the Privileges and Comforts we have?  Rebirth is a one-way ticket, you can’t go Home again. 

So you bet, all of our historical and Karmic trans-Lifetime Traumas are up in our face.  The modern experiment with Individualism is not old, and our current Uranus-Pluto version of it dates only from the 1960s.  The roots of our Species are in Community, the realms where Identity was not Individual at all, Identity consisted only of our roles in our Community.  It’s so easy to Identify with job and family and locality (and religion and race!) because those Archetypes have deep history – Patterns developed in millennia of  Repetitions. 

Through most of Western Civilization, only Royalty had any opportunity to explore Individuation, and that was very constrained.  Once the Industrial Devolution elevated Money to the primary means of exchange (rather than, eg, labor exchanged directly for the right to eat), anyone could potentially live as Royalty, if they were avaricious enough.  The lure of that potential is what feeds Greed.  If you read French history, it’s shocking how similar the stories are to today, Royalty is just replaced by today’s sports heroes, entertainers, vulture capitalists, and the rest of the 0.1%.

The Uranus-Pluto Cycle alternates between 115 years and 140 years, depending on whether Pluto is closer to us, in and around Scorpio, or farther from us, in and around Taurus.  The previous Cycle began in 1851.  We don’t get a lot of practice – that is, few Repetitions – with this Energy.  This is only our second Exploration of it since the Industrial Devolution began.

When we personalize our Traumas, it was our fault that we were Traumatized.  The result is a lack of Self-Trust and a deep-seated lack of Self-Love.  That’s what’s being Mirrored back to you.  What happens when we move to the space of “What you think of me is none of my business?”  The Abandonment and Fear we feel when we Imagine that space is our Community Archetype in action.  But we do need to Imagine that space, and perhaps even Embrace it and work towards it, PIAVA it.  And we most certainly need to be Actively Loving and Gentle with any and all of our Resistance to that space.  Compulsive Pleasing is a guaranteed ticket to the lowest common denominator.

Then there’s the matter of how we Speak our Feelings.  There are useful protocols, like Non-Violent Communication or NVC…

To start with, you might want to take your associates out of “your crosshairs” and instead put them In the Light.  There are many “rules” for Speaking our Truth that aren’t always easy to use.  A random sample of these…

  • “I” Statements only, using only Emotion words as the adverb, and no object allowed – “I Feel [Angry, Sad, etc.], period.”  You can find lists of Emotion words on the internet, but be very careful using adjectives or nouns instead of adverbs; you’re on thin ice.  For instance, one list includes “a waste” as an Emotion-word, but it’s really a very loaded intellectualization of an Emotion.  To me, even “wasted” seems more like a Physical condition than an Emotion.
  • “I am [Emotion-word]” is an expression of Identity, not an expression of Feeling.  By simply switching from “I am” to “I Feel” you may be able to Witness your Feelings rather than being Possessed by them.  That simple step can produce Miracles.
  • “I Feel E-word because __” isn’t an expression of Feeling, it’s an intellectualization of your Feelings.  Intellectualizations of Feelings are almost always wrong.  You could Feel that way because of unprocessed remnants from your Lifetime in Rome, not because of your family of origin.  Even if your family-of-origin members were with you there in Rome (which isn’t unlikely), they’ll probably interpret your remarks as Present-Moment.
  • “I Feel E-word because you __” isn’t an expression of Feeling, it’s an accusation.  Don’t be surprised if Defensiveness is the result.
  • “I Feel like __” is also an intellectualization, not an expression of Feeling.
  • Just because you’re expressing your Feelings cleanly, doesn’t mean they’ll be received cleanly.
  • For instance, “I Feel E-word when you __” is part of a strategy that NVC recommends – it’s relatively clean, but will often still be heard as an accusation.
  • If you are able to express your Feelings cleanly, and you do it meticulously, it at least allows you to Discern whether or not you’re being heard.
  • If you aren’t being heard, there isn’t much you can do about it.  That’s when people raise their voices.  When someone else raises their voice, do you recognize that you need to Listen harder, or do you stop Listening?  When you raise your voice, do others recognize that they need to Listen harder, or do they stop Listening?
  • Expressing your Feelings, cleanly or not, does not obligate another to want to hear them.  It’s useful to test the waters first, before you throw your Pearls before pink animals.
  • You can gain a great deal by exploring your Feelings in your Body rather than talking about them.  Where do you Experience it?  What does it Feel like, Physically?  Is it constant, or variable?  Tense or loose?  Physically Painful?  Does it move around?  Are you thinking?  Do thoughts change how you Experience it?  Stay with it for a while.
  • If your Feeling is intense, you might want to Tap on it a few times until it lightens up a bit, before you talk about it: .
  • We are all moving toward our True Community or Tribe, where we are usually understood, but that search will be delayed by lack of Self-Love.  If we Judge ourself, we’ll Judge our True Community too.  We may need to Date a Mystic.
  • Imagine how you’ll Feel when you do find your True Community, and do that as frequently and as long as you possibly can.  If you’re honest with yourself when your Yes-Buts arise (you’ll be Dating your Mystic Self), this is probably the fastest way to Manifest True Community.
  • Once it’s easy for you to sink into that Feeling and stay there much of the time, you’ll be your own True Community, and you won’t need Others to Validate you.  Then you’ll attract Others like you because they’ll enjoy your company, not because they feel obligated to Validate your Feelings.
  • For many of us, our Families of Origin are a primary source of our current-Lifetime Trauma.  We can’t expect them to help us work through our Trauma, because they were very likely either as Traumatized as we were, or they were the perpetrator!  Unfortunately, it’s often both.  We have to work through our Traumas with Supportive Others, professional or otherwise, before we can be Discerning about our Safety around our FOO, and Self-Loving enough to permanently remove ourself from People who are Toxic to us.

Bessel Van der Kolk’s book The Body Keeps the Score is an excellent summary of the latest research in methodologies that do and don’t help us release the Trauma that can arise from Abuse (remembered or not), Accidents, Disasters, Karma, and even from chronic mistreatment such as teasing, bullying, or disrespect.  He points out the research showing that Trauma is lodged in the brain, not in the mind.  While it can be accessed and healed through the Body, the mind can’t even see it.  Most of us carry some degree of Trauma, and it’s a major contributor to our Alienation.

2 Responses to “Authenticity and Self-Sovereignty”

  1. faatimaishere Says:

    This was so important for me to read right now…
    Thank you.

  2. Rita Cook Says:

    This is so wonderful

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