Portal 9.1-11 Redux

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A reader writes…

I more or less get what you are saying about the water grand trine and discouragement; is it not Vesta rather than Ceres, though?

Right you are, Vesta!  I’ll have to recant.

And adds…

Then with regard to the fire grand trine I’m wondering how what we’re in denial about is also, if I understand you correctly, what we feel afflicted by, since we don’t consciously know what we’re in denial about, while we do know what we’re afflicted by, which to me seems the same as what we’re discouraged about, which is the subject matter of the other grand trine.  Or am I being too analytical about it?  Can you give an example?

Absolutely, Affliction and Discouragement being the Conscious iceberg-tip of what we be Denying.

For instance, I’m Afflicted by neighbors who believe it’s my duty to provide a playfield for them, namely my garden which is constantly beset by flying footballs.  And I’m Discouraged by my apparent Powerlessness at countering their disrespect for private property – why spend hundreds of dollars on water, and nurture Apple trees for a year, only to have the fruit knocked off two weeks before it’s ripe by a football.  Or Elderberries.  Or Huckleberries.  Und so weiter.  If it comes to that, I have better things to do with my Life. 

So, what am I Denying?  Well, what I do know with regard to Powerlessness is that my parents had no interest in learning who I was, but only had interest in reprogramming me to be who they thought I should be.  So yes, I’m righteously Angry about that.  Of course Angry was not in the playbook I was reprogrammed to, so I don’t readily admit it to myself as Anger, but as Outrage, which was also not in the playbook (it was okay for them but not for me, which means I do it but can’t admit it) so with no valid outlet except bitching about being violated, I become a Powerless Victim of bullies, and a righteously vocal defender of the Downtrodden. 

(And of course what I’m experiencing is a nanoscopic version of what the Lizards are doing to the People and the Planet as a whole.  Or maybe I’m projecting.)

At least, that’s an excellent candidate the next layer or several of the iceberg.  I know countless layers follow below that because, for example, I “just happen” to be reading Naomi Klein‘s Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism, a veritable catalog of the Victims of the horrific crimes committed by the neocons, which we don’t hear about because they’ve been expertly whitewashed (that is, what the Lizards are doing to the People and the Planet as a whole). 

Not to mention natal Saturn on my Eighth Cusp (Power) opposite the Centaur Stampede.

Interesting that Naomi’s book was published in 2007 – one of the major ways to intuit the influence of a new planet is to see what’s new around the time when the planet is discovered.  Eris was discovered in 2005, and if the Herstory in Naomi’s book ever gets into the grassroots in a big way, the opening of the World to that Denial (the whitewashing) will shift the Future of the Planet in a big way.  Uncle Milty, the Godfather of the neocons, died in 2006.

Speaking of Denial and timing, 2007-8 saw the end of the US housing bubble that was enabled by Alan Greenspan’s Denial of economic reality and whitewashed as the evil machinations of the poor, completely Denying that the banking industry created it with its derivatives and mortgage fraud at racketeering levels, while the fascist culture continues to Deny that any crimes were committed, and continues to Deny that derivatives are far more dangerous today than then.

Acting out Eris rather well, Naomi’s new book is about Climate Change Denial.

So what do I do about this, short of planting Thornbushes and Nettles (I’ve already ordered the seeds)?  Repeated attempts at Win-Win negotiations, primitive though they’ve been, have failed completely, and when we play Win-Win while our counterparty plays Win-Lose, we Lose.  I can take Action, complaining to their landlord. 

But first, I need to Tap Out my Frustration and Discouragement, taking it back as far as I can in this Lifetime and whatever other Lifetimes I can imagine, including (probably especially) my Lifetime in Nazi Germany.  We cannot Act decisively and effectively until we’re Neutral, until we’ve Let Go of the Emotional Load surrounding our TraumaDrama.  Otherwise, we just reinforce the Trauma and deepen the dungeon.

That’s my first task.  It’ll take a while, but the Stars have given me plenty of time to do it – ten days for the Discouragement (Portal 9.1-11) and fifty days for the Affliction (Portal 8.29-10.20).  Plus, since Karma is dead, once I get started in earnest the dominoes will probably fall like a house of cards.

Now, why has this arisen?  Well, I’ve been PIAVAing more money, to pay for recent medical bills.  I’ve Changed the Subject.  Now, if I Pay Attention, what’s going on?  All PIAVAs are answered, but the first thing the Universe gives us when we Ask for anything, is an illustration of the reason we haven’t had it all along

Okay, so this mostly-buried knot of Powerlessness is why I haven’t had Abundant cashflow all my Life.  No complaints, I’ve had adequate cashflow all my Life, for which I have great Gratitude, and I’ve had enough to Share (the definition of Abundance), on small scales anyway.  But now I need more.

The Stampede is on my Second Cusp, after all, and I can smell it.

To follow Eugene Gendlin‘s excellent suggestion, we’ll be far better off if we instead say, “Okay, so this mostly-buried knot of Powerlessness, or something like that, is why I haven’t had Abundant cashflow all my Life.”  That opens up room for more layers to emerge from the Unconscious, and helps us avoid getting stuck on an intellectualization of the Archetype.  When you’re working on the Edges of Consciousness, nothing will lead you astray more than Certainty.

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Then yes, it’s Vesta, not Ceres.  So it’s not about permanent Change as much as it’s about Self-Sabotaging Beliefs.  Vesta tells us to examine and Change our Unconscious Beliefs if we want to Grow our Consciousness (Juno) and convert Despair into Miracles (Chiron).  So what do I know there?  Well, I certainly judge redundant cashflow as Greed.  That’s been on my mind quite a bit lately. 

So I also need to do some serious Tapping and PIAVAing around giving myself greater permission to Receive.  How do I do that without giving the Lizards greater permission to Receive?  An intellectual conundrum!  Vesta represents what we Believe is Sacred.  It’s not what is Sacred, but what we Believe.  And on that level, Belief is intellectual – it’s a Judgment, separating the Holy from Blasphemy, a Duality.  There is Emotional weight behind our Beliefs, or folks wouldn’t be willing to kill or die for them.  But it’s basically a Duality.

As Paul Gautschi would say, “That’s too big for me, I have to give it to God.”  I have to look beyond what the mind would have to say about it.  There are no contradictions in Reality, only in the mind.  If you’ve never done that exercise of looking beyond the mind it might feel strange.  When I do it, I can feel a narrow beam of Energy moving up from my Solar Plexus, taking a sharp turn behind my nose, and beaming outward and upward through my Third Eye.  You might try this as an exercise, imagining such a beam of Energy moving up and out on this path, to see if that works for you to get beyond Duality.

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