Abandonment and Self-Love

sapph5762bpBlue Sapphire – Aluminum Oxide, one of the harder substances known – and an excellent companion when traveling through the Dark Lands.

* * * * *

Asteroid Sappho is just a little gal; you could fit three of her between Paris and the Chunnel, with room to spare.  But she can work a number on your Emotions, especially when she’s Standing Still on a Power Node, as she did yesterday.

Asteroid Sappho was Stationary Retrograde yesterday at 18 degrees of Aquarius (“A man’s secret motives are being publicly unmasked”), very Square to Saturn, Trine to Mars, and Semisextile to Chiron.  The Midpoints of the Fixed Signs are the Power Points of the Zodiac, sometimes referred to as the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.”

Any planets near 18 degrees of the Fixed Signs in your natality?

It takes a while to go from “I’d rather die than go through this again!” to “Omigod, this is an Ego Death!” but what a resurrection!  When we regress into our prior hyperbummers, we become that age, and from that place we have no access to anything we’ve learned since then.  So making that Leap to Omigod this is an Ego Death is actually a bit of a Miracle.  It would be a good PIAVA to make – Goddess, may I please learn to recognize an Ego Death quickly?

Once that Leap is made, we need to grab it before we slide back into those horrid images of the mess we’ll make of that freeway abutment – though if those images are worse than our Emotions, we’re actually golden.  We need to find an easy way to Take Responsibility For (ie, Be Able to Respond to) those horrendous Emotions that make us want to leave the Planet.  A powerful way to do that is to name that mash-up of Anger, Grief, Fear, Nausea, Loss of Worth, and rampant fantasies of Horrible Consequences.  Call it

My Abandonment

It’s not that “They did this to me again,” it’s “I’ve been feeling My Abandonment again.”  We all have Abandonment, fear of becoming isolated and Community-less.  It was a real punishment, Banishment, in olden days, as it was for Oblio.  Many families use the threat of Banishment as a way to control their children, which leaves us with adults who fear Abandonment.  Back when we were too young to make our way in the World, Abandonment was quite Real.  As competent adults it’s not, but when we regress to that age again, it’s a total Emotional Reality.

The other side of the Abandonment Coin is Suffocation.  Abandonment says “Don’t leave me!” – Suffocation says “Back off!”  Lots of us had overbearing parents or significant others, who didn’t let us have the freedom we needed to experiment with the World.  Most of us have some of each, and a few of us have a lot of each, which is a real curse, because Other People get those mixed messages, “Don’t leave me” and “Back off,” and end up leaving us or torturing us.  “Hit me,” said the sadist; “No,” said the masochist.

Once it becomes My Abandonment, it’s no longer I Am Abandoned.  There’s a World of difference.  I Am Abandoned is a living Hell.  My Abandonment is just a Pattern I’m working with.  We can even trace its history and see how much better (and quicker!) we are at dealing with it than we were a decade ago.  The heavy negative Emotions will still arise, but they aren’t as overwhelming.  We might even remember to Tap Them Out.  If we have the presence of mind to use any of the techniques we mentioned in the Chiron in Pisces post, they’ll be a boon.

It’s very important to remember to give Our Abandonment absolute First Priority when it overwhelms us and limits our ability to concentrate on anything but it.  It literally shatters the Ego, and when we try to put a shattered Ego to work on anything except Recovery, we just make things worse.  Even Recovery is hard, and may require a helper.  We need to move into one of those techniques – Total Attention, Tapping, PIAVA of some form, Ritual Dumping – and get our Identity back into the Egg before we try to do anything else.  Deadlines, schmedlines.  Like Grief, Ego Death has its own timeline, and while we can accelerate it with Attention, we can’t control the timing, we can only control the priorities.

The whole Sappho Shadow Period spans April 30 through November 3, 2014, and 6-18 Aquarius.  Aquarius symbolizes Community.  After we think we want one (Aquarius), we start looking for folks who share our pet peeves (Pisces).  Then comes the hard work, as we realize that it’s not that easy to Create Trust.  We have to strike out into the Unknown (Aries), consolidate what we learn (Taurus), recognize how wrong we are and let it all go (Gemini), see if Empathy and Compassion can get us anywhere (Cancer), and then find out we can’t Love anyone else, nor be Loved by anyone else, till we learn to Love ourSelf (Leo).  That all happens (after we seek companions in misery) in 6-18 Aquarius, which covers the Aries through Leo Duads.

Sappho herself is about Loving the Feminine, “not to sacrifice our strength for our softness, or our softness for our strength,” as Angeles Arrien puts it. 

The main features of her discovery chart…

  • Mutable Lunar T-Square on Juno Opposite Vesta-Conjunct-Uranus – Consciousness that the True Self is Sacred, as verified by a lack of self-sabotage
  • Juno-Vesta/Uranus Opposition Bridged (Trine-Sextile) by Venus – Recognizing as Sacred the Beauty of the True Self
  • Juno-Vesta/Uranus Opposition Bridged (Quincunx-Semisextile) by Nodes – The relationship between Self-Love and Karmic Progress is a Mystery
  • North-Node Yod with base of Venus Sextile Vesta-Uranus – To Focus on Karmic Progress is to Love the Self
  • The above are all at 19-23 degrees
  • Sappho herself is at 5 Sagittarius (“An old Owl sits alone on the branch of a large Tree: Clear perception of Unconscious factors“) Opposite Mercury, with the Opposition Bridged (Trine-Sextile) by Ceres-Conjunct-Neptune – To Understand Sappho, make Spirit – or Surrendering to Confusion – a permanent part of Consciousness
  • Saturn Yod from Pallas-Conjunct-Mars and Sun-Conjunct-Pluto at 10-13 degrees, with Saturn Septile Sappho – Stay focused on clean Boundaries, and avoid swimming against the current, in order to benefit from Sappho’s Power

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