Breaking the Shell Lovingly and Gently

pycockWe have two primary Configurations going on for the rest of January, the Chiron-Juno Mjolnir, and the Pluto-Chiron-Jupiter-Pallas Mystic Rectangle.  Significant embellishments develop over the next couple of weeks – such as the Mystery School Chiron-Juno Initiation on January 25, and the Uranus T-Square across the Pluto-Jupiter Opposition that develops at the end of the month.  But the Main Events are the Mjolnir and the Mystic Rectangle.

The Mjolnir

The Chiron-Juno Mjolnir has Lilith and Vesta-Ceres at its roots.  You can think of these folks this way…

  • Chiron – they’re chasing you, and you run around a corner only to find that it’s a blind alley.  You’re just turning around and surrendering hopelessly to getting robbed and beaten mercilessly – when Spiderman rescues you!  And you thought he was fiction!  Whoa, that’s a teaching, isn’t it!
  • Juno – just who the devil are you anyway?  Are you a list of adjectives?  Are you a wispy and mystical Entity that sometimes acts in ways which causes some people to see you as an adjective?  Are you a Noun?  Or a Verb?  A Subject, or an Object?  Or are you a prepositional phrase?  Of a hanging preposition?  A work in progress?  Maybe a question mark!

Chiron and Juno are the apex or focus of the Mjolnir – this is where the action is.  The supporting actresses are…

  • Lilith – Don’t call me an adjective!  My roots are so deep in the Unconscious that if you make me mad, you won’t stand a chance.  Lucky for you, I don’t anger easily.  But I won’t hesitate for a minute to cut you out of my Life.  If I do that you’ll be nothing but a hollow shell.  Yes, thats precisely why you’ve been feeling like that!
  • Vesta – Cold out, isn’t it – and wet!  You’re hungry?  Lucky you, these are my specialties.  What?  You think you can warm and dry yourself by my magical fire, and eat the delicious food I lovingly cooked for you from weeds and dead animals, and then hide your Gratitude by calling me a Bitch?  I know that bullying Power trip, and it doesn’t work here.  Bruno, throw this lout out!
  • Ceres – Damn!  That glyphosphate burns!  And now Dioxin?  You guys are really pushing your luck!  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not angry.  I’ll just work harder, I know how to do that.  I’ll put all my nutrition into those weeds you’ve been rejecting, they’ll thrive in the places that you haven’t poisoned yet because it’s too barren.  I know you can figure out how to live on Thistles – you’ve learned how to cook my Nettles.  It’ll take me several million years to reseed those Deserts you’ve made by cutting down all the Trees, but I have the time.  Do you?

All of which we can boil down to…

We can expect some pretty drastic revisions to our Identity over the next few weeks.  One reader refers to it as being shattered, which is apt, because in order to grow, the Ego really does need to crawl out of its shell somehow.  If you were a master at pysanka, you wouldn’t need all the king’s men – could step out of your Egoshell, puncture it with a pin, suck out the innards, and redecorate it beautifully. 

The rest of us are more like Crabs – we have to crawl out of our shell (in the chivalrous King Crab, the male holds the female’s shell so she can crawl out more gracefully), then hide out while we’re incredibly vulnerable, till we can firm up a new shell.  Newly molted Crabs make undefended and very tasty morsels for hungry neighbors.

Or, in most cases, we have to crack the old shell open like a pinata – or watch terrified from within while someone else cracks it open!  Ego Death is no fun, but it’s actually easily identified and addressed.  Worst case, you identify it because it feels like you’re dying, or like you’d rather die!  And you address it by recognizing it and being gentle and loving with the process.  It’s actually easy once you learn how to do that.  Well, easier.  Still hurts, but not nearly as much.

Of course, if those I’d rather be dead feelings are triggered by Shame or Powerless Anger or Abandonment or Anxiety or any other nastily difficult Emotion, then it can be a huge challenge to just find the edges of the barrel so we can pull ourselves out of the regression.  When we regress into those feelings, we lose everything we’ve learned since they first overwhelmed us.  It’s not our fault – those are completely separate and isolated circuits in the brain.

We can PIAVA that we recognize our worst feelings as feelings, rather than as statements about the World and our failure to fit into it, but we have to do that before we get into the barrel.  If you know you’re vulnerable to being overwhelmed by negative feelings, but you aren’t overwhelmed at the moment, then PIAVA that you learn to recognize them and heal them.  I guess it would be helpful to do that even if you are overwhelmed.

But mostly we just have to practice, practice, practice NOT getting completely overwhelmed by self-sabotage.  If we can do it once, we’ve got a toehold.  That Shame or Abandonment is a sealed chamber, with no exit.  We need to somehow step outside of it long enough to see that we’re trapped inside it, and then extend a loving and gentle hand back into the barrel, to help lift ourselves out.  The Self you pull out of the barrel will be extremely vulnerable, so you need to be ultra-gentle with them.

The sooner we notice that we’re in Hopelessness or Shame, the easier it is to rescue ourselves.  Once we recognize that it’s what we’re feeling and not who we are, then a critical next step is to congratulate ourselves for noticing, rather than beating ourselves up for feeling that way again.  When we can get positive reinforcement into changing the Pattern, it starts to build upon itself, and it becomes easier and easier to Respond to our noticing when the Pattern is starting.

Until we start to recognize the Pattern and Respond to it constructively, we won’t even be Present enough to remember that we know how to Tap.  Tapping will accelerate the Healing, but before we can even start to do helpful things, we need to notice the Pattern and congratulate ourself for noticing.  Until we can do that, there isn’t enough of a Self left outside the barrel to be helpful.

The Self who noticed, who congratulated, who extended a loving hand, who was Present enough to be gentle with your old Self that was stuck in the self-sabotaging Pattern, who maybe Tapped or otherwise amped up the Healing – or simply was willing to be Present and sit with you lovingly, that Self is part of your new Ego.  When we’re split into a Confident Self and a Dissolving Self, the two of Us have no Empathy for one another, and it’s Empathy that heals.

So we need to start by creating some fertile ground for a first date between them, so they can meet without mutual repulsion.  PIAVA has an immediate effect on the Unconscious, and the Unconscious is where each of them take turns living while they’re in the Shadows.  So PIAVAing a loving and gentle introduction between them is one way to initiate the Healing.

Since there’s an excellent chance that they hate each other, and feel as though they’ve ruined one another’s lives, sometimes there needs to be a third party to keep our Confident Self and our Rejected Self from retreating in horror.  That can be someone we trust completely, or it can be another part of ourSelf.  Our Rejected Self, as helpless as they seem, also has a tool chest full of Skills – the very Skills we need to accomplish our Mission, actually.  But those Skills are inaccessible to us as long as our two Selves are split.

The Spiritual Purpose of all these Regressions and nightmares of Emotion and Separation, is to teach us Compassion.  In order to have Compassion for the World, we need first to have Compassion for our Rejected Self.  In order to do that, we need some way to escape the blind alley that She finds herself in.  That process starts with a noticing

Oh, look!  I’m feeling Shame!

Oh, look!  I’m feeling Abandonment!

Oh, look!  I’m feeling Anxiety!

Oh, look!  I’m feeling Powerless!

It’s in the language.  When you ARE Powerless or Anxious or Abandoned or Shameful, then you yourSelf and the sabotaging Emotion are one and the same.  But when you FEEL Anxious or Shameful or Powerless or Abandoned, then you yourSelf are separate from the Emotion.  That Separation gives you the Power to be able to help Recover your Shameful or Powerless or Abandoned or Anxious Self.

Once you reach back into the barrel, you’re Recovering a Self who’s very young and very vulnerable, who knows little about the modern World.  You need to treat Her the way you would treat a distraught child that you found lost in the woods – very lovingly and very gently.  Since this child is You, you don’t have a choice, you have to adopt Her and raise Her.  Don’t be surprised if you break down in tears – this is a long-sought reunion.  She’ll grow fast, once you retrieve Her.

There are more subtle signs of Ego Death.  You’re where you’ve been a thousand times before, but somehow it’s different this time.  You aren’t sure if you’re actually lost, or if something has changed.  You’re doing something you’ve been doing for years, but it’s as if you’re outside of your own body watching yourself do it, or as if it’s someone else doing it.

We’ll look at the Mystic Rectangle next time.  In a nutshell, it brings us a lot of Grace, and will help us a great deal to grow our shells.  The Mystic Rectangle is focused on Awareness – that’ll help with our noticing.

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